This Girl's Smile
by TalesOfTheHoplesslyRomantic
Summary: Can friendship evolve through hardship into something more? A Story of two lovers who could never meet at the same time. Gerard Way, Mikey Way, Frank Iero, Bob Bryar and Ray Toro. SweetIronyandADoseOfWTF
1. The Sharpest Lives

_**Hey, I guess this is my third story! Yikes! Disclaimer: I don't own MCR or their songs, I believe MCR own themselves and their songs! I also know Bob was not in the band around this time, but like I've said before, I feel it's easier to write with him other than Matt! Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy my story!**_

"If you hate it here so much why don't you fuck off then?" I heard my mom scream at my dad, downstairs.

I felt my stomach twist around; a constant shield of insanity blanketed their pitiful cries. I painted my nails, as calmly as I could, my hands shaking. Black, turquoise, Black, turquoise...e.c.t. I could feel my chest rising and falling violently and my teeth chattered. I had no control over myself anymore. I let myself cry. My unsteady hands dropped the little bottle of nail polish; it splashed over the floor. I jumped up and screamed, rage flooding through me. I smashed at my table, making the things on top of it skid off and drop to the floor with a un-satisfying, clump. I kicked the table, the rips in my white and black stripy tights getting wider as I did so. I grabbed my black hoody and ran down the stairs.

"Where the fuck do you think you're going, especially dressed like that?" My dad screeched, I guessed it was directed to me. I looked down at my holey converse, ripped tights, black and white netted fishnet skirt and my blacktop, it's sleeves had been torn of and put back on with safety pins...

"I THINK I'm going to go get drunk, then go slit my wrist and think how pathetic you are!" I screamed at his, sarcasm seeping through my voice. His eyes trailed down to my pink and red scars, stretching along my arms.

"Blake Reed, get back here right now!" My mom said. They couldn't control me. They could barely control themselves. I walked out of the door and ran down the road, the snow seeping through my shoes.

**I bet you've guessed my name's Blake Reed, I should probably tell you some cool nickname my mates call me, but right now, I don't have any friends. I'm 17 and live in the shitville that is called Belleville. **

Snow drifted onto my eyelashes and nose as I lay on the bench, shaking from the cold. I closed my eyes and faced towards the skies. Busses honked and cars slid along the icy road next to me. My bright purple hair stuck to my face with its new state of...wetness? I couldn't think probably in my house anymore. My mom was having an affair and everyone knew it, secretly. My dad was killing himself over it, he was just waiting for some evidence so he could pack his bags and leave. The stupid bitch. She ruined everything... My thoughts were interrupted by the shouts of two boys. I opened my eyes and sat up. Clear as day, two boys scuffled and shouted at each other further down the bank. I watched them for a second, I knew one of them, he was one of those cool jocky erks at my school, the other one, I didn't know. He had skin tight black jeans on, a vampire bat belt buckle, a black flag t-shirt and a loose black hoody, his hair was of equal darkness as it stuck out wildly. They were shouting stuff at each other. I sighed, I had enough of this at home.

"Hey! Fucktards!" I screamed. They both looked up to me. "Yeah, you two! Can you shut the fuck up? Some people are trying to enjoy the crappiness of this place!" I shouted at them. The taller, blond jock just rolled his eyes, said something to the other one and walked of, but the small dark haired on stood there, staring at me as if I was insane before turning away and walking of unsurely. I chuckled to myself, lying down and closing my eyes. He was probably right, I bet I was insane. I acted like it. A couple of second later I brought myself to open my eyes again. The boy was gone. I shook my head and looked up to the grey skies that was so heavily pregnant with wisdom and murderous thoughts. It's gloom was nauseating, lethargic... and surprisingly refreshing? No. Nothing, EVER was. I took a deep breath in of the cold air and looked back down to the bottom of the hill, where the boys had been. I racked my brains trying to think who that dark one could have been, but nothing popped to mind.

"Lady!" Some one shouted. I looked up, it was a guy at the bus stop over the street. I shot him a look, meaning: What the fuck do YOU want?

"If you stay out their you'll catch a cold."

"EXACTLY!" I smiled back at him. I was back at school tomorrow. It was my last year of... hell. He just chook his head and looked down at his news paper.

_**Well it rains and it pours  
When you're out on your own  
If I crash on the couch  
Can I sleep in my clothes?  
'Cause I've spent the night dancing  
I'm drunk, I suppose  
If it looks like I'm laughing  
I'm really just asking to leave**_

This alone, you're in time for the show  
You're the one that I need  
I'm the one that you loathe  
You can watch me corrode like a beast in repose  
'Cause I love all the poison  
Away with the boys in the band

I've really been on a bender and it shows  
So why don't you blow me a kiss before she goes?

Give me a shot to remember  
And you can take all the pain away from me  
A kiss and I will surrender  
The sharpest lives are the deadliest to lead  
A light to burn all the empires  
So bright the sun is ashamed to rise and be  
In love with all of these vampires  
So you can leave like the sane abandoned me

There's a place in the dark where the animals go  
You can take off your skin in the cannibal glow  
Juliet loves the beat and the lust it commands  
Drop the dagger and lather the blood on your hands, Romeo

I've really been on a bender and it shows  
So why don't you blow me a kiss before she goes?

Give me a shot to remember  
And you can take all the pain away from me  
A kiss and I will surrender  
The sharpest lives are the deadliest to lead  
A light to burn all the empires  
So bright the sun is ashamed to rise and be  
In love with all of these vampires

**Hey! Sorry this was a small chapter, but I think I'm doing pretty well, since I only just finished my last story two days ago and I'm onto my second one now! I do it for you, you know! Haha, okay, tell me what you think! I'm excited for this story! It's taking a LOT of elements of my life into it; so it should be interesting for me to write!**

**You Put The Hate In My Heart.**


	2. Smoke Alarms

"I see you are still taking to dressing like a vampire!" The art teacher said from behind me. I turned to him. He was the only teacher who was nice to me. Infact, at the time he was the only person who was nice to me.

"Sure as hell Mr T!" I smiled. I would have stayed and attempted talking to him but I had my sights fixed on getting to the bathroom, applying some more eyeliner then sitting in the back of the class listening to my IPod as the day progressed. After applying an un godly amount of eyeliner I made my way to my new form room. Since we were the eldest in the school it was more like a common room where the teachers only came into when they had to take register. It had a coffee machine. I know what you're thinking...if it was possible to over dose on coffee; I would be dead by now.

"Corpse Bride is still here and I thought you would have gone and joined some goth convention? Hot topic: How to slit your wrists!" Aaron, leader of the dick heads, said at the back of the room with a laugh.

"I'm surprised you're still here to Aaron! I mean, I didn't think even you were low enough to fuck the school secretary so she'd switch your end of year exam results!" I said. It was painfully obvious he was pissed off at that as his friend laughed even harder. He was the thicket shit you will ever meet. I took my seat at the back and put my feet up on the table in front of me. I put my headphones in and tried to forget the world as I listened to Black Flag; I hadn't been able to get them out of my head since seeing that boy yesterday.

"_You don't have anything personal against me do you? You bet I've got something personal against you! We know You stole our song You were there Every touch in wrong You were there Fuckin' wrote it all down" _I sang along, I looked up as I heard the door swing open. Two boys walked in. One was short, with black tight jeans on, covered in tatts and piercings and had a long fringe covering his eye, the other one had sandy blonde hair, had thick black rimmed glasses on, a beanie and a Dawn Of The Dead tee on. I raised my eyebrow.

"Great! There are more of them! Why don't you join the Goth convention with that bitch in the back?" Aaron snapped at them. They both just rolled their eyes and sat down a couple of seats in front of me.

"Why don't you fuck off? No seriously. You're not THAT funny." The short one said. I could feel myself laugh.

"Ouch, that almost hurt my feelings..." Aaron said pulling a grim face.

"So go and cry to your mommy about it." The sandy haired one said. I sat up, turning my IPod of and listening into the conversation.

"You sound as bad as her! Bet you're a fag though!" He said signalling over to me. I sighed.

"Why do you care so much about his sex life?" I laughed. He sort of sat there a second. The whole class held their breath in, the majority of them wanting him to have a clever come back.

"What are you implying?" He stuttered. I smirked over to the other boys.

"Nothing. Only that secretly you want to fuck his brains out, but judging by what I've heard from the shower rooms, with your, _physique_, I don't think that's possible." I said. I could see the two boys bite their tongues with laughter. The class roared with laughter. Aaron went bright red. Even his mates couldn't help him out of this one.

"Shut up! You stupid slut!" He shouted at me.

"Maybe, but at least I can GET SOME." I said. Before going back to my IPod and turning it on. The two boys stared at me, their mouths slightly open in shock.

"Dude you just got pawned...by a girl." His friend whispered to him.

"Oh fuck of!" He stuttered. The teacher walked in.

"Okay class! New year! New start! So maybe less back chat than last year? Huh?" Haha, UNLIKELY.

"So we have two new students here today...Frank Iero and Mikey Way..." He said signalling to the two boys.

"Would you like to say anything?" She asked.

"Only that He's Frank and I'm Mikey. I would like you to at least know my name before beating me up." The blonde one sighed. Mikey and Frank, huh?

"Yeah, but if it's cool with you, I prefer NOT to get beaten up." Frank laughed. The class sort of stared at them.

"Wow, this is awkward..." Frank mumbled. I just chuckled to myself, this was the usual reaction from the dumbos.

"O-ka-y... So... Is everyone here?" The teacher asked. I looked around.

"Unfortunately..." One of Aarons friends laughed, signalling towards me.

"Hmm... Got something to say Johan?" I asked. It was the first day, five minutes into it and I was already so very, very, very close to killing someone.

"Only that I think you should do us some favour and take an overdose." He smiled sweetly.

"Johan, Blake, shut up or it'll be a detention for the both of you!" The teacher shouted. I sat back on my seat sorely.

"Dismissed." She said as the bell rang signalling the first lesson. I was first to jump up and get out of the damn room. I checked my new schedule. Damn, I had History. I was first to get to history, so I claimed the back seat and sat back to watch the class roll in. Frank and Mikey walked in. I kept my head down. They seemed like cool guys, but... I was NOT good when it came to talking to other people. They walked directly over to my table.

"Can we sit here?" Frank asked.

"Sure." I smiled.

"So...we have history together?" Mikey said.

"Obviously... Heads up about the teacher, he's a bit of a douche."  
"Umm...thanks." Frank laughed. I watched as the teacher walked in. He was really fat with a beard and had a strange obsession with singing 80's pop songs during lesson.

"Hello class! For you who don't know me, I'm Mr. Lovell!" He smiled. Frank looked questioningly over to me.

"Just wait." I said phonically. He nodded. I looked back at the teacher.

"Now... Who can I pick on today and ask to hand out these? Hm...Blake?" He said. I sighed. He ALWAYS picked me. I grabbed the papers of him and dumped them on some random peoples tables.

"And could you hand these out?" He said as I just finished.

"OR why don't you get someone else too?" I sighed.

"Excuse me?"

"Ever heard of The Bouncing Souls?" I asked. The class stared at me...

"No...But I don't see how that effect this..."

"Oh okay...that just confirms it...You ARE an ass." I laughed before dropping the papers and heading to the door, I smiled before I laughed.

"By the way. I'm going to the bathrooms for a smoke." I said winking at the two boys. I closed the door as I walked out on the startled class. First Day= not that bad.

**FRANK**

I was stunned by this girl. She's insane. A couple of minutes after she left me and Mikey made some excuse up about a Drs appointment and ran out into the corridor.

"She was right. He is a douche." Mikey laughed.

"What's her name?" I asked. He just shook his head glumly as we looked for the toilettes. When we got to them, we opened the door to find the girl perched on the basins, taking a drag of her cigarette.

"So you got my... un subtle, message huh?" She laughed, jumping off the basin.

"Yeah... I know this sounds weird, but whats your name?" Mikey asked. She just smiled.

"Blake. Blake Reed." She smiled.

"Cool name? So what we doing?" I asked. She looked around un certainly.

"I didn't think that far..." She laughed. I looked up at the smoke alarm above us and then back at her.

"Gimme your lighter." I ordered, She handed it over, I lit it and put it just under the alarm. A couple of seconds later the piercing sounds of the alarm chimed. Mikey laughed hard. I smiled, handing it back to her.

"What do you want? A cookie?" She said, half laughing.

"So now we have the others busy..." Mikey said. She looked to the windows by her side, she slid it up and squeezed through and jumped to the ground.

"C'mon!" She shouted to us. Mikey and I looked between each other before jumping out.

**BLAKE**

"So what's the story, I mean how come to best friends move to the same school?" I asked.

"I live in Ledi originally then I moved here, I knew Frank from out of school and Frank found out I was going to this school and he was moving from his school too so he decided to come here..." Mikey said.

"Ledi, huh? Misfits spring to mind." I laughed.

"You're a misfits fan?" Frank asked. I nodded sharply.

"They're like law. Punk law." I laughed as I sub consciously led them to my _'corner'_ store.

"Where are we going?" Mikey asked.

"To get some liquor. Kepp your head down and follow me." I told them as we walked through the store. Gerry was on the till, good.

"Hey, Gerry." I smiled. I think he instantly knew what I wanted, we followed him through to the back.

"Look, I can't keep doing this for you, I'll lose the licence..." He moaned...

"C'mon. You know what it's like..." I smiled. He looked behind me to the others.

"Who're they?"

"It's cool, they're Mikey and Frank. They're with me." He nodded and handed me a couple of bottle. I gave him a note.

"Keep the change." I smiled. "Oh and...do you have any of the...umm...stronger stuff?" I asked.

"No, dealers out of town, but I'll let you know soon as I get some." He told me. I grinned and turned and walked out the back with Frankie and Mikey.

"And that is how you get liquor around here." I laughed handing them the bottles.

"You know. I like you." Frank smiled, opening the bottle.

"Good." I smiled, bititng my nail as I looked around.

"Mikey?!" I heard some one say, I turned to see a dark haired, tall-ish boy with black hair and pale skin. Black rims of guyliner framed his hazel eyes.

"Gerard? Crap!" Mikey said hiding the bottle around his back. The guy ran up. Staring between the three of us.

"1) Why aren't you guys in school and 2) who are you?" He said staring at us.

"Yeah...Gerard this is Blake...Blake, Gerard. Gerard's Mikeys big brother..." Frank laughed. Mikey rolled his eyes.

"Oh come on Gee. Don't say you didn't do it!" Mikey laughed.

"That doesn't make it any better, Mikey! Oh and it's great to meet you!" gee flashed a smile toward me. As he did so he haulted.

"Wait...are you the girl at the bench yesterday?" I stared at him. No way was he that guy.

"Woah... You're one of those guys?" I asked.

"Yes...I'm one of the, in your words, 'fucktards'." I winced as he said that. The others looked between us.

"I'm sorry about that. I was having a rough day..." I said, smiling sheepishly.

"Dude, it's cool, everyone has them. I was just worried you were going to catch a cold sitting out their in the snow all day!" Gerard laughed. I laughed too.

"Wow, you think you could fill us in?" Mikey asked. I took a breath in.

"Well..."

* * *

I stumbled into my house at 3 in the morning after spending the night out with Gerard, Mikey and Frank...obviously after explaining to Frank and Mikey what the hell we were talking about. I sneaked upstairs as quietly as I could. I found my mom sitting on her bed, crying.

"He's left Blake. He left us." I looked around. He'd left. My dad had left...

"You bitch! You just had to go and fuck some randomer, didn't you? Did you ever think about us? No, of course not! You just think about your fucking self!" I screamed before running upstairs into my room and grabbed a bag and some clothes...


	3. Smelling like a dead rat

**YO! THIS CHAPTER IS FOR MY VERY GOOD FRIEND AND FANFICTION ...FICTIONER (?) ASHKIE SAGE!!!! *HUGS 4 A***

------------------------The next day------------------------------

"Hey Blake!" Frank smiled as he walked in the door. I half expected Mikey to be by him as he did.

"Where's Mikey?" I asked.

"I have no idea..." Frank just laughed. I sat down and leaned on the desk, taking a deep breath in, my hand covering my eyes.

"Seems like you had even less sleep than I did." Frankie chuckles. I didn't reply.

"What's wrong?" He said almost shocked as he sat beside me. I lowered my hands and stared at him for a second.

"My dad moved out last night because my mom had an affair..."

"Oh wow...I'm so sorry..." Frank said shaking his head in disbelief.

"Yeah..." I said only half thinking about what I was saying. The bell rang steadily. I smiled nervously back at Frank.

"Look, I have to go. Class and all..." I sighed before pulling myself up and walking out of the room.

---------------------- chemistry, 2nd class--------------------------

I sat there, beating my pen of the table in my boredom as the teacher rambled on... drowning out all fun that there could be in life with his drones. The door opened, my eyes flicked to it, searching for a source of entertainment. Sure as hell I found it. Mikey Way stood in the door, yawning and holding a bag of half eaten twizzlers. His jeans were covered in paint and shit, his tee was crinkled and his hair stuck out all over the place, similarly to his brother. The class just gasped and gawped at him. He strode the class and found a seat next to me.

"Looks. I got drunk last night and only got home at half five! I slept in! Big deal!" Mikey said the class. I couldn't help but find this deeply amusing. The teacher had no idea what was going on...

"Right...so...back to our lesson then?" He said. I just chuckled. Mikey looked over to me and the teachers drones filled the room.

"Frank told me what happened, I'm sorry..." He said. Trust Frank to tell ya...

"Don't be sorry... it was bound to happen anyway..."

"Mikey and Blake! One more word and it's a detention!" The teacher barked. I rolled my eyes.

"Well, I'm still sorry..." Mikey mouthed.

"That's it! Detention..."

"What? I didn't even make a sound!" Mikey said.

"I don't care. All I care about is you turning up late for a lesson." He said pointing at Mikey "and you spending the most of the lesson staring out of the window!" He said, moving his finger to point at me.

"Didn't your mother tell you it was rude to point?" I asked with a smirk.

"That's it. I've had enough of this. Go to the head teachers office...NOW!" Me and Mikey just rolled our eyes and picked up ours bags. We had barely done anything. He was just being touchy because his come over wasn't fooling anyone...

The next few weeks were a blur. I spent most of my time around at the ways and Franks house... I had went back to collect the rest of my stuff from my moms house. She was crying when I walked in. I don't even think she noticed me. I didn't care. It was a month on and I was sitting on Mikeys bed:

I sat on the bed, me, Frank and Mikey lay along, our legs in the air as we laughed hysterically.

"Oh my god and that's not even the best part! He THEN jumped of her and said he was examining her for breast cancer...I mean, c'mon I could think of billion better excuses..." Mikey said reading from the magazine.

"Ewww...doing it with your step daughter... That's just...ewww..." Frank giggle, his eyes screwed up. I couldn't say anything I was laughing so hard. Mikey stopped and leaned forward loser to me.

"Blake...why are your clothes covered in mud and why do you smell like a dead rat?" He said half laughing, half serious. I sighed, I knew he was right, I looked like a reck.

"I moved out of my house..." I said.

"What? When?" The both shot at me.

"Like...a month ago..." I cringed. I said, turning onto my back.

"Where are you living?" Frank asked... I didn't reply. I was to ashamed.

"Blake? C'mon...we're your friends, we're only trying to help..." He told me.

"I found this abandoned house. I'm living there. I got a job and Gerrys place so I can get food and some money so I can afford a place..."

"For a month? No wonder you look like hell!" Frank exclaimed.

"Shut it Frank! When was the last time you had a shower?" Mikey asked. I shook my head.

"Like a week ago, I feel like a complete minger..."

"Hey, It's okay. There's a shower through their. Use any of the products of whatever..." He said pointing to the door leading off from his room.

"Are you sure?" I asked.

"Of course hon! Best friends, huh? Go and take a shower!" He told me. I nodded and walked through. As I stripped and stood under the steamy water.

"Guys! I hope you haven't got any cameras in here!" I laughed.

"I'm offended!" Mikey shouted back with a laugh. It's amazing how human a hot shower can make you feel. I closed my eyes and took a breath in. My life was a mess right now...I just had to concentrate on getting the grades to get into SVA and I could make something of it... I turned the shower of and dried myself of...

"By the way...you can't put those clothes on again. I'll get them washed, here just wear these for tonight..." Mikey said, throwing a pile of clothes into the bathroom. I smiled. I couldnt believe how great the guys where to me. He had given me some black PJ bottoms with grey bats on and a Queen top. They were all to big, but I was grateful. I made my way out of the room, my other clothes in a pile in my hands. Mikey took them of me.

"Thank you so much..."

"Hey it's okay! Any way, it's a sleepover so lets stop with the sincere thank you and back to the gossiping!" Mikey laughed as he walked out of the room with my clothes. I sat on the bed next to Frank.

"Nice..." rank laughed. I hit him with a pillow...

"Hey! Stop! PEACE!" He called, his hands up defensively. I l smirked and lay down on the bed.

"I just had the best idea ever!" Mikey exclaimed as he walked in.

"Really? It's a miracle!" Frank praised to the sky. Mikey rolled his eyes.

"If you're looking for a cheap house you could move in with Gerard! He's looking for a flat mate, it's cheap because...well it's seriously crappy and you already know him!" He said, sitting next to me.

"Really? You sure?"

"Yes! It'd be great!" Mikey told me...

"I don't know... He probably does not want me living there..."

"He will! Anyway, I'll talk to him!" Mikey said casually.

"Talk to who?" I heard a familiar voice say from the door. I looked over to see Gerard leaning against the door frame, with a bowl of chilli in his hand. My mouth went dry when I saw him. It wasn't everyday you saw someone THAT cute.

_**I scraped my knees while I was praying  
And found a demon in my safest haven  
Seems like it's getting harder to believe in anything  
Than just to get lost in all my selfish thoughts**_

I wanna know what it'd be like  
To find perfection in my pride  
To see nothing in the light  
I'll turn it off, in all my spite  
In all my spite, I'll turn it off

And the worst part is  
Before it gets any better  
We're headed for a cliff  
And in the free fall  
I will realize I'm better off  
When I hit the bottom

The tragedy, it seems unending  
I'm watching everyone I looked up to break and bending  
We're taking shortcuts and false solutions  
Just to come out the hero

Well, I can see behind the curtain  
(I can see it now)  
The wheels are cranking, turning  
It's all wrong, the way we're working  
Towards a goal that's non-existent  
It's not existent, but we just keep believing

And the worst part is  
Before it gets any better  
We're headed for a cliff  
And in the free fall  
I will realize I'm better off  
When I hit the bottom

I wanna know what it'd be like  
To find perfection in my pride  
To see nothing in the light  
I'll turn it off, in all my spite  
In all my spite, I'll turn it off  
Just turn it off  
Again, again, again

And the worst part is  
Before it gets any better  
We're headed for a cliff  
And in the free fall  
I will realize I'm better off  
When I hit the bottom (x2)

"Umm...Nothing!" I said quickly. Mikey just rolled his eyes and Frank chuckled.

"Look Gee, Blake's living in abandoned house because she moved out, I'm guessing because of her mom...and I thought she could move in with you since you know each other and you're looking for a flatmate because you can't afford it yourself and she has the money for half the bills and it's better than letting someone you've only met once share a flat with you!" Mikey said without breathing. Gee looked between the three of us.

"You're living in an abandoned house?" He said...still eating his chilli.

"Yeah...I know..." I said, I covered my face with my hands...

"Well...okay...I mean Mikey's right, it's cool because I know you and we like the same things and if you have the money I don't see any problems..." I looked up, not believing what he was saying.

"But, I've only known you guys...like a month..." I said

"Yeah, well it's either a girl I've known a month or some strange who I've only met one." Gee said as I jumped up and hugged him.

"So what about I pick you guys up form school on Monday and you can scope out the place? See if you like it!" I pulled back as he said that.

"Thank you so, so much and it's won't be long, just for a couple of months until I can get to college and stay in the rooms their..." I smiled. I stopped.

"Eww, did I just hug you?" I said, reality catching up with me.

"Yeah. It creeped me out too..." Gerard laughed. I rubbed my arms...

"Damn, I'm going to have to go and take another shower...I have Gerard all over me..." I laughed. He just chuckled and walked out of the room... I sat back down on the bed with a very confused looking Mikey and Frank.

"Did that jsut happen?"

"Yeah...and it looks like I'm living with your big brother..." I said ruffling Mikey hair. He pouted.

"It seems to me that he's taken quite a liking to you..."

"Eww, shut it. He's just a good friend..." I turned my head to see Gee running down the hall with a toolbox... "Who happens to have a tight ass..." I muttered.

"Oi!" Frank laughed.

"What did I say?" I asked with a giggle. Mikey just rolled his eye glumly.

"So why is he here anyway if he has his own place?" I asked.

"To eat." Mikey said simply. I gave Frankie the look, be both neared him...

"Guys what are you doing?" He asked, his face shadowed.

"So Mikey...how are you?" Frankie asked with a grin...Mikey looked around freaked out.

"Okay..."

"Well not for long!" I exclaimed before jumping on his and tickling him.

"NO! NOT ME! THIS IS MY ROOM! NOOOOO!" He screamed as we devilishly tickled him.

"Guys! Dinners ready! Get it whilst it's hot!" Mrs Way shouted from downstairs. Frank and I loosened our grip for a split second, Mikey jumped up and ran downstairs screaming:

"MOMMY!"

"Ahuh, hon?" She said as she put out our plates full of food. I came behind Mikey...

" nothing..." He sighed sitting down. I sat down next to him and on his other side was Frank.

"Wow, Mrs Way, this looks fantastic!" I said, grinning down at the beef cobbler. I hadn't eaten properly in god knows how long.

"Well I'm glad you think so...GERARD! GET YOU'RE BUTT DOWN HERE!" She yelled for her son. Gerard ran down the stairs and as quick as lightening was on his chair, on the opposite side of the rectangular table.

"Tuck in! I'm just going to make a call, don't wait for me..." She smiled walking out of the room.

"Haven't you just ate some chilli?" I asked Gerard. He just smirked.

"That's the thing about us big boys, we're always...hungry." he said with a wink to me. I didn't think the other had cached it as they were all digging deep into their food. I started to wolf down my food, Gee played with his before taking a mouthful. Mrs Way came abck in and sat at the table, inspecting her son.

"You're so skinny, do you not eat when you're at college?" She said, nipping at Gerard. I couldn't help but giggle at that due to Gees last remark.

"Plenty." He said, shooting a look at me. I just smiled innocently. I knew he was enjoying it...

"Thank you so much for letting me stay over Mrs Way!" I smiled.

"You're welcome, I love having you over and it's Donna!" She smiled warmly.

"Don't I get a 'I love having you over too?'" Frank asked, cheekily. She get laughed.

"Frank you're always here. You're practically part of the family!"

I wondered if he was as freaked out as I was that he had just announced that I could move in...As if he could read his thoughts he said to his mom:

"Did I tell you that Blake is thinking about moving in with me?"

"Oh really? How come?" She said look between us questioningly.

"I moved out of my moms house... So I'm looking for a place to stay..." I said. Mrs Way was about to ask something else, but before she could say anything Frank stepped in.

"She's been staying at my house whilst looking for a place." Mikey and Gee seemed to nod and go along with his white lie...

"Well don't let him bully you into stuff Blake, he's a big meanie at time..." She laughed. I glanced at Gee, he was waiting for my reply.

"I like to think I can...handle...myself." I said before gulping down another spoonful of cobbler.

* * *

I walked 'home' from the ways house the next day. Mr Way had offered to drive me and Frank back, thinking we lived in the same hosue currently...but obviously we didn't, so I had to pass and say I needed to get some stuff from the mall. It was a bright day, to sun was shining down on me. I was photophobic... NO that does NOT mean I hate taking photographs of myself (which I do hated doing) it means that sunlight anf light hurts my eyes and gives me headaches. I winced and looked upa t my moms house as I passed it. My jaw dropped outside it was a 'for sale' sign and m ymom was outside talking to an estate agent. I strode over to her, gawping at her selfishness.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" I said ignoring the estate agent.

"I see this is a bad time...I'll come back later..." She muttered, heading for her van. My mom chased after her.

"Stay!"

"No, it's okay Ms Reed!" She said before starting the engine. My mom sighed and turned to me.

"What did you do that for?"

"I dunnoo...Maybe the fact you're selling the house! What about dad? What about me?"

"If I remember correctly, you LEFT and so did your dad!"

"ONLY BECAUSE YOU HAD AN AFFAIR!"

"He pushed me into it!"

"Oh...So he drove you to the motel, stripped you and told you you'd die if you didn't fuck that guy?"

"Stop being so stupid! You wouldn't understand! You were just an accident and he was just some pity date that got out of control!" She snarled. I stared at her. Tears burning my eyes... I got that funny feeling you get in the back of your throat and nose just before you're about to cry...

"I'm going to New York! Plenty of work there and plenty of men!" She said turning and wlaking back into the house. I tried to follow her but she snapped at me.

"If you even touch my property I'm going to call the cops." I opened my mouth to object.

"I don't care if your dad payed for it, HE LEFT!" She screamed before slamming the door... I turned and walked of the front lawn, before leaving kicking down the fence angrily... I felt my hand curl into fists... I pulled out my phone and called Gerard...

"Hey!" I said.

"Hi Blake..."

"I was wondering if I could come around and check out the place now... I really can't wait..." I said into the phone.

"Sure thing. I gave you the address right?"

"Yeah. I'll be right there..." I said, smiling to myself. As a put down the phone I glanced back at my old house. That bitch could fuck herself. I wasn't going to cry over her. She could go and fuck as many horny and fucktards as she wanted, I didn't give a shit... I walked along the pavement... it was leading to my new life.


	4. Sunny Side Up

_**HEY! Okay, I've beened emailed 1,000,000,000 times by people telling me to upload another chapter, so here goes: (BTW, Listen to Looking Up by Paramore whilst reading this, It goes well!)**_

"And this would be your room..." He said as we entered the room at the top of the stairs... "But if you want to, I can swap..."

"No it's great. So HOW did a student get a HOUSE?"

"Umm...I got some money from an inheritance and I've been saving up for...forever? So I put down 6 months' rent, NOW I can't afford food." Gee laughed. I looked around. There were two rooms downstairs and three upstairs, it was a pretty good size though, I mean for a student.

"Well, I would love to move in..." I said, spinning on my heals as I looked around the room.

"Seriously?"

"Seriously! I love you right now, you know that right?" I laughed.

"It's okay...do you want to go and pick up your stuff?"

"Okay. Just promise you're not going to freak out when you see the shit whole..." I sighed.

* * *

I jumped out of his van and looked around quickly before leading him to the back of the bordered up house.

"This is where you live?" Gee said with a grimace.

"Oh shut it." I laughed. I kicked back a plank of wood on the side of the house and it's swung open letting me and Gee crawl through it into the inside. It spelt like pee. It was dark and grimy and the floors were pulled up. I grabbed his hand and lead him up the stairs to the top room where my stuff was. He looked around, shocked.

"This is it." I said, picking up my bags. He took some from me with a smile. The drive back to the house was silent. I felt my chest vibrate as I tried to keep my tears back, what happened earlier on today just kept playing in my head.

"Blake are you alright?" Gerard asked. I nodded before jumping out of the car and bringing my bags into my room. I dropped them onto the floor and collapsed onto the bed, my head in my hands I started to cry. I couldn't believe my mom had moved to New York. I had no one anymore. I heard a knock. I ignored it.

"Blake, are you okay?" I heard Gee say through the door.

"No..." I cried. The door opened and He crept in and sat next to me.

"Why are you crying?" he asked as he wiped the tears away from my cheeks. I just looked down, feeling pathetic.

"C'mon. We're mates, you can tell me..." He said staring at me. I looked up, so our eyes met.

"My mom's selling the house so she can move to NY."

"Woah...When did you find out?"

"This morning. I ran into her and we ended up having a fight and she called my dad a pity date that went too far and me a mistake or something..." I said shaking my head.

"The stupid bitch." He growled.

"Exactly..."

"Look, it doesn't matter. You don't need her, you live here now and you're not a mistake, even if you were, you'd be the best mistake...ever." Gee said trying to cheer me up. I shrugged. Next thing I know Gees giving me a hug.

"I thought they creeped you out." I giggled as I hugged back.

"I can make an exception for you."

"Aww chucks, now I'm gonna blush." I laughed letting go of our embrace. He smiled.

"You okay?"

"Yep. I guess-just a bit pissed off."

"Then c'mon!" He said, pulling me up. I sighed and with a shrug followed him downstairs, into the kitchen where he then pulled out a couple of bottle of beer from the fridge.

"I hope you're not a light weight." He smiled handing a bottle to me. I laughed and neared it to my lips.

------------------------ the next morning--------------------------------

"BLAKE UP NOW!" I heard Gerard scream. I moaned and turned onto my front.

"SCHOOL!" He said. I opened my eyes, he was directly above me.

"It's a Sunday, dumbass." I groaned, my hangover kicking in.

"NOPE, MONDAY!"

"No, look at the calendar, " I said taping at it on the wall behind me, "S.U.N.D.A.Y." I said before trying to close my eyes again.

"Hey, I was only trying to do a nice thing!" Gee laughed walking out of my room. I lay there for a bit, but I couldn't sleep. I rolled of my bed and pulled some clothes on and re did my eyeliner before walking into Gees room. I actually hadn't been in there before. He hadn't showed me.

"Hey, I'm going to get some breakfast at starbucks, do you want anything?" I asked, staring at his room. The walls were covered in either posters or sketches and drawings, they were phenomenal. He had books and DVDS and CDS littering his floor. He turned around from his desk that he had been hunched over.

"Yeah, a latte' and whatever muffins they have you. Gimme a sec, I'll look for my wallet..." He said, jumping up and searching under his bed.

"Don't worry, this is on me." I smiled.

"You sure?"

"Perfectly! I'll be right back."

**GERARD**

I was hunched over my desk. My hands darting around quickly and I sketched out the little devil.

"Hey, I'm going to get some breakfast at starbucks, do you want anything?" I spun around in my chair in shock. It was Blake, pheew. She looked around my room in awe.

"Yeah, a latte' and whatever muffins they have you. Gimme a sec, I'll look for my wallet..." I told her. I got up and started searching around my room, ending up under my bed.

"Don't worry, this is on me." She told me with a smirk.

"You sure?" I asked...

"Perfectly! I'll be right back." With that she turned and ran out of the room, her bright purple hair flowing behind her. I just laughing to myself and started drawing again. I looked down at my doodle. It was a devil, but it was like a punk cartoon devil with a spiked choker, skinny jeans and a Mohawk. I finished it just as I heard Blake jump through my door.

"Latte, raspberry and white chocolate muffin for you and the same for me!" She smiled putting my stuff down.

"Thank you so, so much; I'm starving." I smiled before taking a giant gulp of burning hot coffee, I spluttered, but then just took another gulp.

"It's a-okay." She was looking at some of the drawings on my wall.

"By the way, this is for you!" I smiled handing her the devil picture. She stared at it, a smile painted on her face.

"Serious?"

"Yeah! Of course, dumbo." I laughed.

"Oh my god thanks! I already have the perfect name for it!" She said bouncing around excitedly. I raised my eyebrow.

"And you're not finding out...because you woke me up...and it's totally awesome." She laughed.

"Oh c'mon! Please!" I begged.

" The Devil!" She laughed. I just shook my head.

"You're insane."

"Well, I'm just as insane as you! You drew it!" She picked up her bag of Starbucks food and turned to the door.

"Hey, why don't you eat in here? I'm so bored of having no one to talk to!" I smiled.

"Y'know what...I shall accept your offer." She smiled taking a sip of her coffee. I watched as she blew on it gently, her lips pursed. I felt my mouth become dry. I took a sip of coffee too and looked down.

"Don't you have some HOMEWORK to do, or something?" I laughed sarcastically. She rolled her eyes and threw a bit of muffin at me, it landed in my hair.

"NOO!" I said grabbing at my hair.

"Well, since I haven't actually been going to any lessons, I don't suppose I do." She smiled, biting her lip with her pearly teeth.

"Naughty girl." I said with a wink.

"Honestly Gerard Arthur Way, you make everything sound like a low budget porno." She said putting on a stiff, old fashioned voice.

"And how would you know?" I asked, laughing.

"From the tapes I've seen in your brother bedroom." She replied. I almost toppled over laughing.

"Dammit, I'll have to remember that one!" I said, putting a hand through my hair. She took a bite of her muffin.

"Damn, I love starbucks." She said.

"coffee is better than sex." I stated. She looked at me raising an eyebrow.

"Honey, you must not being having sex with the...right...people." She smiled and got up and threw her rubbish in the bin.

"Now, if you can excuse me, Devlin and I have some plans." She laughed, looking at her picture. She blew me a kiss before running out of the room. I took a breath out. Living with a girl was going to be hardwork.

**BLAKE**

NOW it was ACTUALLY Monday. I rolled out of bed and pulled a brush through my hair. I brushed my teeth, got washed and started to get dressed, keeping my eye on the clock. I slipped into some aqua and black checked skinny jeans, some black all stars and a Reggie and The Full Effect tee. I applied some black eyeliner, eye-shadow, deep browny red lipsticks and put my hair into pigtails. I always thought I looked like all 'innocent' when I did my hair like that. I put on a Misfits sweatband over my right arm, covering my new cuts and ran downstairs. Gee was hovering over the coffee pot, his eyes massive and red from lack of sleep.

"Morning." I muttered, stealing his cup of coffee.

"Morning." He laughed, pouring another one out for himself.

"You want a lift to school? I don't have a lecture for hours..." He said, stifling a yawn.

"If you're sure..." I said, looking down into the browny amazing-ness in a mug.

"Yeah no problem, any way, it's on the way to the train station..." Gee smiled as her pulled his incredibly tight jeans up.

"You must be one of the only guys who can pull skinny jeans off..." I sighed.

"It's my ass. It's phenomenal." Gee laughed, pulling out his cars keys as I followed him out of the house. I smirked as he pouted into the wing mirror. He had black sunglasses on, his hair was flying all over the place and he had an Atticus tee on.

"You're the regular beauty queen, babe." I laughed.

"And one day, maybe you'll be." He chuckled as he started up the car. We went past my moms house, the sign outside now said sold. The woman on Saturday must have been there to tell her. I sighed and turned to the front window...away from all the crappy memories.

"Now honey, work well at school and don't let those awful kiddies upset you." Gee said put on a girly voice.

"Your girl voice is creepily good." I laughed.

"Years of practice, doll." He said his eyes still on the road. As he pulled up outside my school, he got out of the car. I looked at him questioningly, but just got out too. Soon as he stepped onto Highschool turf you could see girls staring at him. He didn't seem to notice, he just looked around.

"There are a lot of lonely boys out there..." He said.

"Don't worry, I won't let them rape you." I smirked, pulling my bag out of his car and slamming the door shut.

"Are you always like this?" He asked, leaning casually against his bonnet.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I said looking towards the ground.

"You know, sarcastic and cynical?"

"Totally. By the way, can you do a favour and hug me?" I asked, staring at the preps sitting on the bench staring at us.

"What? Why?" He asked.

"Just wait." I said, giving him a hug. I whispered into his ear: "Look at the girls to the right!" His head turned to see them all sitting at the edge of their seats glaring at me.

"College boy are in season." I laughed, pulling back. He just chuckled to himself.

"I feel used."

"You should honey!" I smiled, blowing him a kiss and running off to a dumbstruck Mikey and Frank sitting on the curb of the school.

**I'M DEDICATING THIS CHAPTER TO MY NEW FRIEND: AlexisSCREAM because she updates so fast and her stories never cease to be awesome.**


	5. Ketchup

**I'm dedicating this too Ashkie Sage! Her stories are amazing and she is always up for a laugh! GO. READ. HER. STORIES. NOW. I. COMMAND. THEE.**

**MIKEY**

"Hey!" Frank said, sitting himself beside me. I looked up from my comic book. He had a cigarette in between his lips. I stuffed my comic in my bag.

"Hi. You seen Blake?" I asked, pulling the cigarette from his mouth and taking a deep breath of it.

"Nope, not since Saturday morning, you?"

"Me neither..." I shook my head, handing him the cigarette back.

"So how's Alicia?" he asked. I felt myself smile as he said her name. He just rolled her eyes.

"Good and don't roll your eyes like that at me, you're constantly texting Jamia." I laughed.

"Speaking of which..." He pulled out his phone and started typing something in. I just laughed.

"Have you heard, Rays putting on a massive part for his Birthday? It's going to be trippin."

"Trust Ray to pull out the big guns for his 22nd." Frank said, pushing his phone back into his pocket. I squinted my eyes...I was sure that was Gees car parked right outside the school only a couple of yards from us. It was. Gerard got out followed by Blake, they seemed to be talking to each other as she pulled her bag out of the back. I nudged Frank and pointed to them.

"What the hell?" He said, his eyes now glued on them.

"I have...no idea..." I said, as I watched Blake and Gee hug.

"They didn't just hug...did they?"

"Ahuh..." I said as Blake blew him a kiss and ran over to us, surprisingly fast for the tightness of her jeans. She plonked herself down next to us.

"What you up to?" She asked.

"I think the question is more 'what are YOU up to?" I said watching Gee drive away.

"What?" She asked confused.

"As in why are you coming out of Gees cars and blowing him kisses and how the hell did you get him to give you a hug?" Frank asked. She just shrugged.

"I ended up moving in on Saturday, I was sick of the crapville I was living in."

"Wait. You're living with my brother? Have you been in his room yet?"

"Yeah...Why?" How the hell did she get into my brothers room? I'd known him for almost 18 years and I've only been in once or twice.

"No reason... C'mon. We better show up to class and pretend we care what the assholes say..." Frank said pulling himself up. I got up to.

"You think the chemistry teacher has given up on the come over yet?" I asked.

"I god hope so." Frank laughed as we walked into school. My eyes stuck onto where Gees car had been.

----Lunch-----

I took a bite of my burger; Frankie looked up from his fries with a grimace.

"You're eating a defenceless animal."

"Frankie, stop preaching. I like dead animals." I laughed cruelly. Mikey stuffed a hand full of crisps into his mouth. Next thing I know Aaron stood next to me.

"Perusing your interest in Frank I see?" I laughed.

"Well, I wouldn't be interested in you would I?" He laughed. I picked up the bowl of custard and dumped it on his head.

"Suck it Aaron." I said getting up.

"You bitch!" He screamed. Mikey and Frank jumped up before any of them could do anything and threw their cups of juice at him.

"RUN!" I screamed as everyone in the hall stared at us. We dashed through the hall it the side entrance and ran out.

"I can't believe you did that!" Mikey laughed grabbing his side.

"I know, but I think he suits his new style!" I giggled as we sat down on the seats outside the school.

"He's going to kill us you know..."

"It was worth it though." Frankie laughed.

"You want to skip and go back to me new place?" I squealed.

"As long as Gerard doesn't kill me, I'm good."

"Don't worry, he won't."

_**Give me attention  
I need it now  
Too much distance  
To measure it out, out loud**_

Chasing patterns  
Across a personal map  
An' making pictures  
Where the lines overlap  
Where the lines overlap

No one is as lucky as us  
We're not at the end but

_**But we already won  
No no, no one  
Is as lucky as us  
Is as lucky as us**_

Call me over  
And tell me how  
You got so far  
Never making a single sound

I'm not used to it  
But I can learn  
There's nothing to it  
I've never been happier  
I've never been happier

No one is as lucky as us  
We're not at the end but  
But we already won  
Oh no, no one  
Is as lucky as us  
Is as lucky as us

Now I've got a feeling if I sang this loud enough, you  
Would sing it back to me  
I've got a feeling if I sang this loud enough, you  
Would sing it back to me

I've got a feeling  
(I've got a feeling)  
That you, will sing it back to me  
You, will sing it back to me

No one is as lucky as us  
We're not at the end but  
But we already won  
Oh no, no one  
Is as lucky as us  
Is as lucky as us  
Is as lucky as us

I was finishing my shift at Gerrys. I turned off all the lights and locked the doors. Gerry was waiting outside.

"You want me to give you a ride back to your place?" He asked.

"No thanks, I like the walk." I smiled before jogging of to the bus stop. It was night now and the dwindling light from cars streaking by burned my eyes. I got onto the next bus. It was empty. II sat at the back and looked at the MSG on my phone. The bus slowly crept along the road. I looked out of the window at the pointless yards of houses. My head leaned against the ice cold window. My eyes flicked around as it followed the people on the streets. A saw a hooker standing on a street corner, leaning into a car. I saw a man being pushed against a wall being mugged. I saw some students run out of a shop carrying bags of Chinese food. I sighed. Everything about where I lived depressed me yet elated me. I loved it, but I hated it. The bus stopped; letting someone on. I didn't look up, I just stared out into the streets.

"Is this seat taken?" I heard a familiar voice say. My head whipped around to see Aaron.

"Yeah..."I gulped. He sat down next to me regardless. He was carrying a canvas bag.

"What a coincidence seeing you here, huh?" He smiled venomously. I looked away from him. What the hell was I going to do. There was no one else on the bus, except for the driving whole was behind a screen and couldn't hear us.

"What's wrong? Not so big and clever when you don't have an audience...huh?" He barked as the bus fumbled along the road.

"Don't worry our stop is close."

"Wh-aa.." I was silence by a jab in the leg. This was insane. What did he want? I knew Aaron well enough that he talked the talk, but he couldn't walk the walk.

"Here we are." He pulled me up and pushed me of the bus.

"C'mon honey. We're going down here..." He said pointing to the woods, his hands was firmly on my arm. As he pushed me down the grimy path I started to worry.

"Let go of me you creep." I snapped.

"But they'll be so disappointed." He smirked. He pulled be so far into the looming woods that I could barely see anything, night had smothered my eyes in its fury.

"Did you bring her?" I heard some shout, before a flash light came on. It was one of his friends, actually it was his whole groupd of friends. He pushed me into the middle of them.

"What the fuck do you want?" I asked. Some one behind pushed me, I tripped over. Blood dripped from my leg that had been bust against a rock. I pulled myself up. The guy behind me pushed me again, so I was being pushed between them, back and forth.

"Get the hell of me!" I screamed trying to push them away.

"A! Leave her alone for Christ sakes, you've got your revenge!" One of the girls in his gang said sternly. He sighed and pulled something out from his bag. Ketchup. He squirted it all over me.

"I remember the words were...Suck it?" He laughed. I thrashed out, punching his nose. Blood spilled out violently. Crap. I had jsut hit him. I looked around and the others, who are were startled. I ran. I ran as fast as I could between the trees, I thrashed at the branches, tripping over stones and gravel until I made it back to the clearing. I ran through the streets as fast as my legs could carry me. Ketchup and blood flying of me when I got back to the house I fumbled with the keys in my hands before pushing them into the door and opening it. I ran into the living room to find Frank, gee and Mikey playing video games, perched on the ground. They all looked up at me. I panted heavily, trying to catch my breath.

"Oh my god! Blake, what the hell happened?"

"I think I need to get washed..." I shuddered. Ketchup clumping up my hair.


	6. For Just One Second I Felt Whole

As I walked into school last nights events played in my mind: I had ran upstairs and jumped into the shower, they had ran in after me, I had screamed, they had ran out screaming too. I came out of the shower, with a towel around me and explained, they started screaming. After a lot of fighting and 'I'M GONNA RIP HIS SCRAWNY BALLS OF HIM AND SHOVE THEM DOWN HIS NECK' sort of convocations they all started to calm down...Except Frankie. My thoughts were disturbed by Frankie chanting.

"Gonna go at him with a hacksaw, see who's the tough guy then. Gonna go at him with a hacksaw, see who's the tough guy then." Mikey and I stared at him.

"Frankie are you SINGING about KILLING someone?" Mikey asked, pushing his glasses further up as he did so.

"It a beautiful song, isn't it?" He laughed.

"Look just don't do anything. I deserved it, I through desert all over him."

"That's not the same!"

"How come?"

"He dragged you into the woods at night, scared you to death, humiliated you infront of all his friends and covered you in ketchup..."

"Look. Just forget about it. It's my fault, I take for granted the fact that no one has tried to kill me yet..."

"Bl-." I interrupted him before he said anything else.

"No Frank. Drop it. Now." I said. He stared at me, his mouth dropped open. I just shook my head between the two boys.

"I love you guys, but you can't kill him. Infact... fuck it, I'll see you in music..." I walked of and found myself a comfortably school-y room and sat down on one of the plastic chairs. I rubbed my temple with the palms of my hands. My phone vibrated.

"Can you cover shift tonight? Gerry." I sighed. I didn't have anything better to do..so I texted back saying that it would be okay. I hated this fucking school. It didn't make any sense. I hated everything about it and I didn't even know why... Do you know that feeling when you wake up in the morning and as you open your eyes you're desperately trying to think of an excuse to go back to sleep? Because the idea of having to force yourself up and keep on fighting is killing you? In WW2 soldiers with post dramatic stress disorder who refused to go back to the front lines where shot. I hate to compare highschool to a battle field, but you can see the air of resemblance. What I'm trying to say is...I'm like one of those soldiers, but I know I'll get shot if I don't go back so I'm forcing myself to and I just can't take it. My soul is being snapped in half. I know that sounds so cliché and 'cookie cutter' but it's what I feel like. It breaks you down and changes you into someone you're not. I was so humiliated from last night, I couldn't be assed with this shit anymore. The world was run by asshole.

Drafts of light filtered in through the large windows. I raised my hand up to the blinding light so it parted and seeped through the spaces between my fingers. I let my finger move around, stretching and twisting as my eyes followed them. The door opened, I flipped around to see a boy and a girl linked together, passionately kissing each other as the boy kicked open the door. They saw me and stopped.

"If your fucking is THAT important, I'll go." I sighed, getting up and walking out of the classroom.

"Be sure not to choke on his dick, slut." I spat before closing the door on the two who abruptly starting kissing again. This school, however, was run sluts. I started to feel bad about shouting at Frank and Mikey when really they were trying to look out for me. It's just that...I mean...Only around a month ago I was the loner kid with a dysfunctional family and no friends, I got used to looking after myself, but now I'm the insane kid with awesome, protective friends and no family and I'm just no used to it. I've always been better of my own.

"Blake! I need a word with you!" I heard someone call, I ground to a halt and turned on my heals to see my interrogator. This wasn't a good time and to make it worse it was Livanna, some random 'preppy, popular and anti-Blake' girl, well usually.

"You better speak fast because you have cum breath and it's stinking up my personal space." I said, her jaw tightened, but her smile stayed firm.

"It's about the boy who's been dropping you of at school recently..."

"Gerard?"

"Gerard, huh? Nice. Well, I was wondering if you could give him my number?" She said, he words cutting into me as she pulled out a card form her purse.

"I'd love too..." I said bitterly. I mean, geez, she already had a boyfriend, wasn't he enough? She turned, flashing her teeth and rejoined her group. I closed my fist around the number, crumpling it up before pushing it into the pocket of my aqua jeans.

"What did she want?" I turned around to see Mikey smiling.

"Nothing. She was wondering if I had saw her boyfriend..." I mumbled. Mikey thew his arm around me.

"Is Frank pissed with me?" I asked.

"No, he's just running around with his girlfriend like the insane, ass he is."

_**No sir, well I don't wanna be the blame, not anymore.  
It's your turn, so take a seat we're settling the final score.  
And why do we like to hurt so much?**_

I can't decide  
You have made it harder just to go on  
And why, all the possibilities, well I was wrong

That's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa.  
That's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa.  
I drowned out all my sense with the sound of its beating.  
And that's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa.

I wonder, how am I supposed to feel when you're not here.  
'Cause I burned every bridge I ever built when you were here.  
I still try, holding onto silly things, I never learn  
Oh why, all the possibilities I'm sure you've heard.

That's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa.  
That's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa.  
I drowned out all my sense with the sound of its beating (beating)  
And that's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa.

Pain make your way to me, to me.  
And I'll always be just so inviting.  
If I ever start to think straight,  
This heart will start a riot in me,  
Let's start, start, hey!

Why do we like to hurt so much?  
Oh why do we like to hurt so much?

That's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa!  
That's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa.  
That's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa.  
Now I can't trust myself with anything but this,  
And that's what you get when you let your heart win, whoa.

'Yeah, Gerard...Hmm...I'll be home soon, I promise. I'm just packing up now..." I said before hanging up and pushing it in my pocket as I put some boxes on the top shelf.

"Can you close up?" Gerry asked as he pulled on his coat.

"Yeah, no problem..." I said, trying to sort through the shelves of out of date candy. They door closed leaving my alone with the last to customers, one of which was now staring at my butt.

"You need anything?" I snapped. He boy smiled cheesily at me, he had thick dreads in his hair and was covered in tatts.

"I'm not sure..." He said.

"Okay out NOW!" I said as he continued to stare at my ass. He just rolled his eyes and walked out, the door chiming as he left. I started to go through the till impatiently, I really just wanted to get home.

"Sorry about my friend." I looked up to see the other customer smiling at the desk.

"You gonna guy anything?" I asked. He picked up a hellboy game card from the side and handed it too me.

"Good taste." I said as he handed me some money.

"Look, would you like to go and grab some coffee? I mean if you time..."  
"What?" I asked confused.

"Why do you think I've been standing looking at nothing in this store for three hours?" He laughed. I blushed.

"I'm of now, so let me close down the door and I'm free..." I said, not sure why I was agreeing to this , "just tell your friend to go home because I'm not having him starring at my ass for the rest of the night."

"It's a deal." He said as I handed him his change and card.

**GERARD**

Okay, she was three hours late and I was starting to get worried.

"So you haven't seen her?" I repeated to Mikey.

"No, dude..." He stopped and I heard him whisper something to someone else 'Not since school."

"Mikey who are you with?" I asked as I heard a giggle in the background.

"NO one! I swear! By Gee!" he said hanging up hastily. I threw the phone onto the ground as I head the bell ring as I opened the door to see Blake I was prepared to hug the life out of her.

"Where the fu-." I didn't finish when I saw a guy behind her. Not A guy. The guy, well at my school he was.

"Gee this is Bert! Bert, Gerard!" She smiled between us.

"Yeah, I know you from college right?" He said.

"Yeah." I said uncomfortably.

"Wait, you know each other? You never told me you went to the SVA." She said directing her speech to Bert. What a jackass...dammit out of all the guys she HAD to pick Bert.

"You never told me you knew Gerard..." He said starring bitterly at me.

"Touché. Anyway, Bert and I just went to get some coffee, but he said he'd walk me back so..." I guessed that was my que to make haste and run of. I sighed and turned back to the living room.

I peered from the edge of the door.

"So you and Gerard, live together?" He asked.

"Well technically yes..."

"Okay, cool. I guess I should be going." He smiled.

"Oh okay, bye." She said kissing him on the cheek. He gave her a little wave, blushing and turned to the door. I ground my teeth together when she joined me in living room, eying me up as I drunk steadily.

"Sorry I didn't call." She said.

"It's okay." I said, finishing this bottle and going onto the next.

"So you know him..."

"Yep. I KNOW him." I sighed, WHY THE HELL WAS IT ALWAYS HIM? MR.I'm so cute and cool that I'm aloud to make others life a misery.

"You okay?" She asked as she pulled of her jacket.

"NO, actually I'm not. I was worried as fuck about you and then you show up 3 hours late with some guy." I said, drinking some more. All reality was drifting away.

"Well who's starting to sound like my mom, now?" She asked bitterly. I shot her a look and complete aversion, she looked surprised.

"Maybe you should stop drinking..." She muttered. That's when I went of it.

"WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE TELLING ME TO STOP DRINKING? It's not even legal for you, but you're ALWAYS drinking and popping pills and getting high! You're just a kid!" I screamed, I regretted what I said immediately.

"Fine. Kill yourself, but don't expect me to sit and watch yourself down in your own self pity and piss." She said very stiffly, getting up and walking out of the room and ran upstairs. I breathed out heavily. I was being a shit. An alcoholic, shit. I closed my eyes and took another sip of beer before getting up and running up the stairs. I knocked on Blakes room. No answer. I sighed and knocked again.

"damn your knocking..." She muttered, I took that as a peace sign and came in. She was lying face up on her bed.

"I'm sorry." I said, lying down next to her, looking at the ceiling.

"No I'm sorry, I should have called..." There was an awkward silence.

"So, I'm drowning in a pool of self pity and...piss?" I laughed. She chuckled too.

"That explains why you stink so much." She giggled. I put my arm around he and hugged her tight up to me.

"Do you like him?" I asked, still staring at the ceiling.

"Not as much as I like you." She laughed. I felt myself blush.

"well obviously, his hair has NO bounce compared to mine." I laughed, she squirmed deeper into my arms and breathed heavily.

"You really do spell of piss..." She remarked.

"Well thanks for ruining or nice moment."

"Actually your smell did."


	7. A Grand Entrance

! **I'm dedicating this to a phenomenal writer and fantastic friend: ****WeAreAllABunchOfLiars; she has always cheered me on and makes me admit my (lame) chapter aren't lame (which they are!) BTW I'm osry, I had to stretch the SURPRISE out by two chapter because it was getting too long! Forgive me! *puppy dog eyes***

"_My hands are searching for you, my arms are outstretched towards you- I feel you on my fingertips, my tongue dances behind my lips_..." My eyes had been tightly shut, I was swaying casually and my IPod headphones were tightly into my ears as I sung this.

"Blake?" I heard Gerards voice. I opened my eyes to the familiar surroundings of Gees car, he was glancing at me with a smile as her drove. His hazel eyes shone brightly in the midst of the mass of eyeliner.

"You're a good singer..." He said as our eye connected.

"And you need to go and check if you're going deaf." I said, breaking our eyes connection. I was about to put my headphones back in when Gee said:

"We're also at school, so get your tight ass OUT of my car, I need to get to class!" I sighed and put my headphones in my bag along with my IPod.

"See you later, Gee." I smiled before leaning forward and kissing his cheek.

"Woah, Blake germs!" He screamed scratching his cheek. I raised an eyebrow, he just laughed.

"I'm never going to wash this cheek."

"Goods because I'm not giving you anymore." I got out of the car and walked along the curb, my bag unusually heavy. I waved at Gee as he drove out, I could feel myself blush. I was still angry with Gee for what he said and he was most definitely angry with himself for drinking the WHOLE of yesterday non-stop, but something had changed between us, it was less awkward and guess-y, you know...trying to interpret how each other will react, it just flowed now...I was late as always, but this lesson I had co-ordinated my big entrance. 3 words: matches, paper and hairspray... What possibly could go wrong?

**GERARD**

"_Love it's not my call, You couldn't ever love me more, You couldn't love me more..."_ I sang softly as I got of the train station just by the SVA after my half hour journey, I looked it up and down as students walked in and out. Here you go...get ready for another day of hell. You see...college is just like high school, but with more drugs and less work and I was still the misfit kid...even in ART SCHOOL! Bert, well Bert is the cool one. The guy who gets every chick in the school, I don't even see the attraction, he's pretty average looking...Nowhere near good enough for Blake. As I walked in I prepared myself to be called names or shakes being thrown all over me. I grabbed my bag close to me and walked in, whipping my black hair away from my face and behind my ear, but nothing happened. Nothing, which in it's turn made me wonder what HAD happened. I look to Bert in his usual spot, he would have now gave the command for someone to come and beat me up, but he just looked at me grimaced, rolled his eyes and continued to talk to his friend. That's when I knew what had happened, why Bert wasn't setting the dogs on me, Blake had happened.

"Hey Gerard!" I heard some one say behind me over zealously. I turned at see Alice smiling at me, food sticking out of her braces.

"Alice. Nice to see you." It wasn't really; Alice had literally been stalking me since I got here. I normally don't judge people like this...but...everything about her freaked me out.

"I was going to ask if you wanted to get something to eat this weekend."

"Sorry, I can't it's my friends birthday and I swore I'd come to his house party and I'll be clearing up his house with him the next day." I said instantly in love with Ray for getting me out of this one. Her face fell, making me feel bad again.

"Then maybe some other time!" She said her face dangerously close to mind... She had taco breath...For a second I swear she smelt me before she leaped off in pursuit of a teacher who had just passed. I let out a sigh.

"GERARD ARTHUR WAY! I NEED TO SPEAK WITH YOU, IMMEDIATELY!" I heard a teacher call, I shot a look in her direction, but she didn't seem phase and just strode over to me.

"You're missing 6 pieces of essential work!"

"I'm sorry, I must have lost it during the move into my new place; I'll get it to you soon." I sighed, trying to move away from her.

"Soon as possible!" She barked...well, at least she didn't have taco breath. My phone buzzed, I smiled sheepishly and made an excuse before answering it.

"Hello?"

"Mr Way?"

"Yes..."

"This is the principle of Blake's school, am I correct to hear you're her guardian?" I looked curiously down the phone... I had no idea what was happening so I just played along.

"Yeah, sure!"

**BLAKE**

After the class got over my spectacular entrance, I found my seat next to Mikey. Frank was in some over lesson, somewhere deep in space.

"I think that just broke the majority of the school hazard rules." Mikey chuckled.

"Don't worry baby, rules are there to be broken!" I giggled.

"Reed! Move to the seat over by the window! I don't want you disrupting Mr Way too!" I sighed, picked up my stuff and sat at my new seat. I pulled out my phone, put it on silent and started to text him and the teacher started going into the depths of the Placebo effect.

I got a reply quickly form Mikey: _**'Wat happened last night? Gee rang me worried about u sayin u weren't hme!'**_

'_**I was out wif a friend, I frgt to tell him!"**_

'_**A-friend? O.o'**_ I chuckled quietly to myself as I got this, I looked up at the teacher still rambling, to Mikey then back to my phone.

' _**I do have them you know...'**_ I heard Mikey giggle very quietly from the other side of the classroom.

'_**except from frank, gee, Mikey, ray, bob and I...you don't.'**_

'_**he's newbie'**_

'_**HE'S?'**_

'_**Yeah, they have balls and dicks.'**_

'_**Where did you meet him?'**_

'_**At the shop.' **_Why did everyone have to be so nosey?

'_**Really?'**_

'_**No-At a sex store! Of course I met him there! I don't go anywhere else! **_I texted back sarcastically, I looked over to Mikey waiting for his reply.

"Ms Reed, have you got anything you and Mr Way would like to share with the class?" The teacher asked, staring between us.

"I have bad...breath?" I laughed.

"Very funny, if I see either of you not concentrating on what I'm saying again I'll put the whole class in 5 weeks' worth of Saturday detentions." Rolling my eyes I turned to my note book so I could start doodling, but as I flipped open the pages I found the picture Gee had drew me pinned in it. I shook my head as I looked down at Devlin the Devil. Life was so insane right now. I heard a quiet tap on the glass beside me. I looked p to see Alicia, smiling down at me. By the way for people who HAVEN'T figured this out, Alicia was Mikeys girlfriend. I'd met her a couple of time and she was awesome. I looked around quickly, no one else was looking at the window or seemed to have noticed her. She pointed at Mikey, before pushing her hair behind her ears. I got my phone out and texted Mikey:

'**Look at window! U hav a visitor! I'll cova 4 u! Jst go!"** It was sweet watching Mikey look up to the window after reading message and smiling wildly as he saw Alicia. They were so perfect for each other.

"Excuse me, I have to go for a Dentists appointment..." Mikey said, pushing up his hand.

"Go then." The teacher sighed. Mikey gathered his stuff, gave me a wink and ran out of the room eagerly.

**MIKEY**

I ran out of the school to Alicia. She had her hand buried in the jeans of her black skinnies, her black hair framing he perfect, pale completion. Her smoky, dark eyes digging into me.

"Hey, lover." She smiled, walking slowly towards me. I pulled my arms around her.

"I've missed you." I whispered into her hair, our hands now connected, our fingertips pressed together.

"Good. I have a surprise for you!" She said excitedly as she pulled me by the hand out of the school grounds. I felt bad for leaving Blake, but I was too entranced by Alicia.

**BLAKE**

One lesson to go lunch. I can get through it. Actually I didn't need to. The school principle ended up coming and asking after me. They were ALWAYS on my back. I sat in her office looking around glumly.

"How can I help you?" I asked, clicking my tongue with boredom.

"Well, around a week ago I left your mom a message saying she would need to come into school today to talk about your un-attendance , but she never got back to us and she hasn't showed I was wondering if you could shed some light onto the matter."

"What do you mean un-attendance? I'm in today aren't I?" I laughed, she shot me a look.

"I'm not living with my parents anymore after my father moved out, I ended moving out so my mom sold the house and now lives in NY." I sighed, forgetting that I hadn't changed the details my school had.

"So...you're living by yourself? No guardian." She asked. Crap. I couldn't let them know I didn't have a 'guardian' she'd just refer me to social services.

"No, I'm living with my guardian, who...adopted me. He's called Gerard Way" I lied.

"Well could you give them a call?" She said pushing the phone towards me. I bit my lip and dialled Gees number before she took it of me and put it on loud speaker.

"Hello?" Gees thick accent boomed through the phone.

"Mr Way?"

"Yes..." He said sounding a little confused.

"This is the principle of Blake's school, am I correct to hear you're her guardian?" There was a pause, I held my breath.

"Yeah, sure!" He said, at that moment in time I LOVED him more than anything.

"The school has just been informed of the difficult circumstances Blake has been put through and I was wondering if you could come in to discuss her attendance and such as, now." She said. Another pause, I could hear Gee say something softly to some one else.

"Yeah, that'll be okay. I'll come over now." He hung up rather abruptly leaving the headmistress and me sitting there awkwardly...

"So...are you...okay?" She asked. I rolled my eyes.

"I'm fine."

"So how long have you been living with Mr Way?" I sighed and got up.

"I'll go wait outside." I had enough of this bullshit from the school therapist, I couldn't deal with more. I sat outside the room for god knows how long, before seeing the god that is and was Gerard Way walk down the halls, girls checking him out as he did. He was wearing one of his many pairs of extremely tight black jeans, A Judas Priest t-shirt, converse, leather jacket and sunglasses. Damn it, he must be the only person alive who can wear sunglasses inside and not look like a dick. The only reason he was wearing them was he had been drinking all of yesterday and had massive bags.

"GEE! Oh god, I'm so sorry about this!" I exclaimed. He just sighed.

"So...what do you need me to do?" He said, flashing his teeth as he smiled, I gulped.

"You just have to pretend everything is normal except you're my guardian..."

"Wh-." Gee didn't get to finish his sentence before the head teacher opened the door.

"You must be Mr Way." She smiled. My throat tightened.

"Yep. That's me alright.'


	8. Forlorn Discountenance

**Whilst reading this I HIGHLY COMMEND you listen Flyleaf- Sorrow...** I sort of wrote this chapter with that playing and with the lyrics in mind, so it won't have the effect it COULD have had if you don't listen to it on repeat. Haha, look at me **MS BIGSHOT** making **PLAYLIST** requests. You know you're **pathetic**...well when you share my name. **I'm AGAIN dedicating the chapter too: ****WeAreAllABunchOfLiars** because I was technically dedicating the 'thing' to her, but it's conjoined in the two chapter, ergo she get two chapters! XO

**GERARD**

I was praying she wouldn't figure this out.

"So aren't you a little young to be a guardian?" She asked.

"Not really, I just look younger than what I am."

"And you're her official guardian?" She asked.

"We're getting the paperwork through now."

"Well you two seem...well suited." She said looking me up and down in disgust. Oh come on, she couldn't say she didn't like a bit of the Priest.

"I guess we are." I smiled.

"Well, now we can talk about the issue of her attendance. It's just terrible, truly terrible. In the last 3 years she's only showed up to one in three of her lessons and even in them she shows complete lack of respect and aversion or at best apathy towards the whole school." She said, looking at some noted on a piece of paper. I sighed.

"She's at school now isn't she?"

"That's what she said."

"And you have to be fair on her she's been going through some tough shit the last few months, with her parents and moving around and everything, no wonder she's a bit unsettled. Personally I think it's a disgrace you didn't find out about this earlier! And YOU'RE supposed to be supporting them through their academic career!" I said. The teacher bit her tongue.

**BLAKE**

I looked down at my knees, tapping at them and my black and white stripy tights rhythmically. This wasn't good, Gee lying, Me lying, Gee missing his WORK AND my skirt kept getting stuck in this effin chair. I tugged at it, pulling it out again. I pushed myself up, my hands flexed at the end of the chair. I swung my legs back and forwards, my chained boots clunking as it hit of the chair leg. The door opened, Gee came out of it smiling.

"See ya later." He waved to the principle before whispering 'bitch' under his breath.

"So how did it go?" I asked as the office door closed and we were left in the hall alone.

"Well she totally bought it!"

"I'm so sorry, pulling you out of college and all..."

"It's okay, I only had a history lecture today and the teacher loves me too much to fail me." He chuckled.

"I should be getting back to class..."

"No-uh. As your 'legal guardian' I HAD the right to pull you out of school and I'm totally in the mood for abusing rights." He said taking my hand.

"Where are we going?"

"Firstly to get some goddamn food, I'm starving."

**GERARD**

I watched as she managed to stuff the whole burger into her mouth at one.

"You look like a chipmunk." I laughed as she went purple trying to swallow it. I shoved some fries into my mouth.

"How come you pulled me out of school, but not Mikey." I stopped, crap.

"Well, I don't know..." I laughed.

"Don't worry, he's busy anyway." I raised an eyebrow as she said that.

"With whom may I ask?"

"Don't look at me like that! It's not me! I dunno!" She said, her arms raised defensively.

"I'm going to be out late tonight I have band practise." I said.

"You're in a band?" She seemed shocked.

"Ahuh." I said drinking some of the schmucky coffee.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"It never came up... It's just Me, Ray, Bob, Frank and Mikey." I said simply.

"What? NON OF THEM EVEN MENTIONED IT!" I looked out of the window of the diner, to the folk running around.

"They should really put a sign up saying ALL HOPE IS LOST when you come in this place." She said sternly, I turned to her.

"Why do you hate this town so much? Even the first time I met you, you were being crappy about it." She chewed on her gum as I asked her that, a questionable look playing on her face.

"I don't hate it. I love it." She said simply. I have her a questioning look.

"It's perfect, well for me. It's grimy, poor, ridden with crime and dark. That's the point, it IS crappy, but I like crappy things." She said, nodding as she watching the people outside the window.

"Its perfect." I said as I stared at her, scrutinizing her face.

"Excuse me, would you like some more coffee?" The waitress asked. I nodded and she poured some more into our mugs. I took a sip out of it.

"This coffee tastes likes shit."

"Then why did you ask for it?" She asked.

"It's c-o-f-f-e-e." I said, pronouncing it carefully.

"Let's go. Now."

"Where?"

"The house. I have a stack of movies calling for, you." She dragged out the last three words, he voice changing and becoming vey sexual.

"You're a tease, you know that?" I smiled. God she was a tease, but I so liked it and she knew it. I thrust some money of the counter and grabbed her arms and pulled her out of the diner and into the car.

_**Hear the sound**_

_**The angels come screaming**_

_**Down your voice**_

_**I hear you've been bleeding**_

_**Make your choice**_

_**They say you've been pleading**_

_**Someone save us**_

_**Heaven help us now**_

_**Come crashing down**_

_**We'll hear the sound**_

_**As you're falling down**_

_**I'm at this old hotel**_

_**But can't tell if I've been breathing or sleeping**_

_**Or screaming or waiting for the man to call**_

_**And maybe all of the above**_

_**Cause mostly I've been sprawled on these cathedral steps**_

_**While spitting out the blood and screaming**_

_**"Someone save us!"**_

_**Heaven help us now**_

_**Come crashing down**_

_**We'll hear the sound**_

_**As you're falling down**_

_**And will you pray for me?**_

_**Or make a saint of me?**_

_**And will you lay for me?**_

_**Or make a saint of?**_

_**Cause I'll give you all the nails you need**_

_**Cover me in gasoline**_

_**Wipe away those tears of blood again**_

_**And the punchline to the joke is asking**_

_**Someone save us**_

_**Heaven help us now**_

_**Come crashing down**_

_**We'll hear the sound**_

_**As you fall**_

_**And would you pray for me?**_

_**(You don't know a thing about my sins**_

_**How the misery begins)**_

_**Or make a saint of me?**_

_**(You don't know**_

_**So I'm burning, I'm burning)**_

_**And will you lay for me?**_

_**(You don't know a thing about my sins**_

_**How the misery begins)**_

_**Or make a saint?**_

_**(You don't know**_

_**Cause I'm burning, I'm burning)**_

_**Cause I'll give you all the nails you need**_

_**(I'm burning, I'm burning again)**_

_**Cover me in gasoline again**_

I lay along the couch, Blake cuddles into me as we watched Nightmare On Elm Street, 1. She whimpered a little as I laughed.

"You're a wimp."

"You're a monster." She said, directing it to me and Freddy _**(if you don't know who Freddy is, I swear to god you need to do some MOVIE catching up A/N)**_

"You're so harsh." I said, stoking her arm gently as I watched our on screen monster, tease his pray.

"You're a fucktard."

"You're an ass."

"You're a dick head."

"You're a freak!"

"I LIKE being a freak, weirdo."

"Well I LIKE being a weirdo." I said, my hand moving to the remote and turning of the TV. All that was left on was the music on the stereo, randomly switching between songs. It became tense, lying facing each other on the couch, or legs entangled and hips touching. Her eyes closed, she breathed out heavily. The song changed. _**(IF YOU HAVEN'T GOT THE FLYLEAF SONG ON YET, PUT IT ON NOW A/N)**_

"I love this song." She swayed to Flyleaf.

"Then get up," I said, reaching for her hand and pulling her up.

"Gee, what are you doing?" She moaned. I pulled of my jacket that I had been literally boiling in before taking one of her hands in mine and putting one of my hands on her waist.

"We're dancing?" She smiled.

"Got it in one." I said. She moved her free hand onto my shoulder, her eyes deep into mine. She pressed herself close to me as she swayed her hips, our bodies moving slowly but our minds whizzing around the place.

"Sorrow lives through this night, I'll take this piece of you." She said, singing along with the song, our noses touching, our breathes mixing.

"And hope for all eternity." I whispered along.

"For just one second I felt whole." She sang

I closed my eyes and tilted my head so it was rested against hers. The heat of our bodies, shallowly moving smothered me the sounds faded away. Until IT had to ring, her mother fucking phone. Her eyes opened, she paused for a second, before looking sympathetically towards me.

"I have to take this." She said lifting it to her ear. I sighed. We'd come so far, so fast, maybe too far...

"Let me ask..." She put the phone to her chest, dimming the sound "Am I doing anything the Saturday?" She asked.

"It's Rays party..." I muttered, guessing who it was, my good spirits dampened.

"Yeah, I'm already doing something..." silence, "Oh right...okay, I guess. I'll see you later then! Bye!" She hung up and sat on the couch. Near me.

"What did, he want?" I asked. She rolled her eyes.

"He was wondering if I was doing anything this Saturday. Turns out he'd heard of Rays party and was going to take me anyway."

"Oh isn't that sweet, taking you to crash a party." I said sarcastically.

"Why do you hate him so much?" She exclaimed.

"He's a total Jackass! He always has been! He gets girl, sleep with them, takes some photos and shows of to his friends!" I said. She looked a little shocked.

"I don't want to talk about this and your insane grudges!"

"YOU'RE THE ONE WHO ASKED!" I said going red.

"That's it Gee, whenever I think we're getting closer your complete aversion and anger towards the world pushed me away! You can't just accept that I MAY want different things to you!" She screamed. That's it, too me she had chose him above me.

"Okay, I accept you want to be one of his sluts, HIS EFFING BOOTY CALLS! Are you happy?" I said, anger dripping of my voice.

"No I'm not." She said, shaking her head, tears brimming her eyes. I picked up my jacket.

"Since I have so much AVERSION and ANGER, I'm sure you'll prefer if I wasn't around you." I snapped.

"OKAY, BYE THEN! You know what? I might invite Bert over here and fuck him JUST because it would piss you of!" She screamed. I stared at her.

"Good luck with that slut." I said walking out of the door. It slammed behind me. I breathed out heavily. I didn't want her to hate me. I didn't want to push her away and I'M MOST DEFINITELY didn't want her sleeping with Bert. What could I do? Nothing. I walked to Rays studio. The guys where setting up.

"Hey!" I smiled, giving them a hug.

"I can't stay out to late tonight, I have loads of work to do." Bob sighed, scratching his chin.

"Cool. Let's start." I said sharply. Mikey gave me a look, he was the only person in the world who knew me well enough to tell when I was upset.

"C'mon!" I said jaggedly.

"Geez! Don't be so angry." I bit my tongue when Frank said that.

"Can we talk?" Mikey said coming up beside me. I looked around the circle of guys, worrying about me.

"Sure." I said glumly. Mikey gave the guys one of those 'I'll go' looks before taking me outside. I leaned against the brick wall, numbly taking out a cigarette and offering Mikey one. He shook his head. His loss. I lit it up and took a deep draw of it.

"What's up?" He asked.

"Nothing."

"And the truth?" I looked at him glumly for a second.

"Blake and I had a fight."

"And?"

"I was a total ass, I fucking called her a slut and a booty call and..." I shook my head.

"Wait. WHAT? Start from the beginning!"

"It was that Bert, the guy she went out with, his a jack ass. We were about to fucking kiss, I swear and he rang up and asked her out on Saturday and I was being all sarcastic about him and then we got into a fight over him and I was a ass and she called me some shit ad I called her a slut and said she was going to fuck him just to piss me of." I said, without a breath.

"Woah...that's fucked. You almost kissed her?"

"We were dancing!"

"You...dance?" Mikey asked. I snapped.

"Stop it! You wanted to know. Now that scum is probably around at my place fucking her on MY bed." I moaned.

"Look, give her some time to cool off say sorry tomorrow. You and Blake can't stay angry at each other for long, you're to alike."

"That's the problem, Mikey. If I was her, I wouldn't forgive me."


	9. The Ghost That Are Ever Gonna Haunt Me

**I totally (dammit) want you to play : Friends and Alibis By Escape The Fate, it's commemorative to two people, who shall know who they are! XD**

**BLAKE**

I chocked out at the sound of the front door opening. I looked down at my blood stained arms, ribbons of hate stretching across them like veins. I jumped up and tried to wipe them with a tee shirt, but they wouldn't stop bleeding. All faintness was overcome by complete need for no one to see me like this. I heard some one come up the stairs, the early morning light shun through my bedroom. The footsteps stopped outside my bedroom, but then seemed to disappear into Gees room. I was still angry with him, he called me a fucking slut! I didn't want to see him or speak to him or...I lost my train of thought in the mellow music of The Cure, their blunt and truthful lyrics filling my room.  
_**'You couldn't ever love me more, you couldn't love me more, you couldn't love me more...love me more, I couldn't ever love you more...I couldn't love.'**_ Music of equal loudness flowed in from Gees room. As much as I liked Aces High it was a matter of dignity. I turned my music up louder, he turned his louder. I bit my tongue. I pulled a long sleeved hoodie on so he couldn't see the raw, red cuts down my arm and stepped outside his room, trying to dig up the courage to go inside. Just do it. He's the jerk, not you. Shout at him. Shout at him as loud as your lungs will allow you. Make him feel like shit. I opened the door, ready to shout to see Gee sitting on his bed his eyes red and bloodshot as he was attempted to unscrew the lid on his pain killers, blood and crud covered his clothes and scrumpled up pieces of paper covered his bed. He looked up to me, expecting me to shout at him. I wanted to, but the anger had seeped out of me seeing him.

"Turn your music down." I said, staring at the razor on his bed and ran out of the room, back into mine and slammed the door shut. I couldn't stay in there any longer because I might have been tempted to make convocation with him. I took my hoody of painfully un veiling my infected looking scars. I felt myself put my hand up to my face, my lips gently trailing against the rough skin of my hands. I tasted like filth. The music in Gees room went off, leaving my depressing melody drifting around. I got up and put a new CD in the player. The song that had been playing last night, this was my peace offering. I wanted to be angry with him and I was going to drag it out as long as possible, but this simply meant I was going to kill him. Something was pushed through the bottom of my door, the gap between the door and floor. I picked it up and looked at it. It was a white piece of paper and printed clearly on it was the world 'Sorry.' I was sure what to do so I got a pen and wrote on it 'I didn't mean what I said about you.' A slipped it through and waited a couple of second until it was passed through again, 'Good.' I looked down at the paper. I bit my tongue and wrote onto it 'I'm going to sleep.' Pushed it through and went to my bed. He didn't slip anything else through. I hadn't forgiven him, but I wasn't sure if he had forgiven me, I had said some shitty things. I closed my eyes and lay there, un sure why I had an unsettled, burning feeling in my stomach. I almost wanted to cry, my chest moved in and out heavily, what was happening to me?

My fingers traced along the red lines on my abnormally pale skin, dry tears chocking me. I dug my finger nails into the newer cuts, making a red liquid pore out, I rubbed my finger on it and painted my arms with a thick, long red stripe of blood. An overcoming, deep feeling of longing had over taken me. I closed my eyes, shaking.

I woke up to the knocking sound on the door. I looked around, blood stained my sheets and my clothes and my skin.

"Blake? Are you okay?" Gee said sounding a little worries, I was unsure how long he'd been outside. I tried to coverover the razors and blood before the door opened, un veiling a shocked looking Gee, his eyes fixed onto my arms and eyeliner stained cheeks. He walked in slowly and sat next to me.

"How long have you been doing it?" He asked.

"Around 6 or 7 years." I answered simply, not wanted to talk to him. He looked down at the cuts, his hand moving slowly to them. I flinched away.

"You don't have to like me Blake, I'm just trying to help." I bit my tongue and let him roll up my sleeves to take a better look.

"These look bad, they're infected...Wait here." He jumped up went into his room and came back with a damp cloth, salt packet and band aids. He started dabbing at the cuts, I winced.

"You should have thought about that before you cut your arms open." He commented.

"It's a spur of the moment thing." He started to tear open the packet of salt.

"This is going to hurt, but it's either this or going to the hospital." He said to me, un reassuringly. He rubbed the salt into my wounds with his rough hands, rhythmically moving them as I shuddered in pain.

"I'm sorry." He said as her finished and I was close to tears. He started to bandage my arms up, I was still un willing to talk though.

"Are you going to tell me why?"

"You wouldn't understand." I said bluntly. My aversion obvious.

"I understand perfectly well."

"How?" He started to roll up his sleeved, revealing long scarred arms, I held my breath as he pulled his top of showing the shalshes along his torso, bruising and scratches.

"I get it." He said. I stared at his perfectly sculpted torso; lost for words. I put my index finger out and traced a long one that stretched from the bottom of his collar bone down to his lower hip.I leaned my head against his chest, it fell and rose violently under my influence.

"Don't do it." I whispered. He hugged me before pushing me up and dragging himself of my bed.

"Go to sleep." He said, wrapping my blankets around me, still topless, of course and turning of my lights.

"Shouldn't you be at school?" He asked.

"Shouldn't you be at college?"

"Touché. I'll ring them up and say you fell down the stairs or something." He said turning to the door.

"Gee."

"Yeah?"

"Thank you." He gave me a little salute before heading off to his room. I shallowly breathed in through shock and utter pain. I tried to close my eyes, to sleep, to rest, but I couldn't. I shouldn't. I needed to escape. I NEEDED to sleep. I needed to sleep. I went over and over it in my head as I heard Gerard cash about in his room. I held my breath.

**GERARD**

It was the shock. The utter shock of seeing Blake like that. For her seeing me like this. I could still feel her fingertips on my scar. She didn't understand. No one understood. I didn't understand. I couldn't, there was a block on my mind. Stopping me from comprehending anything these days and it wasn't helped by the alcohol. I wish I knew what I was feeling, I wish I had figured it out then, before any of this shit happened. But like I said. No one understood. I looked into the mirror, starring at my pale, scarred body. I thrashed out, kicking the mirror, cracking the side of it. Glass shards fell to the ground. I picked one up, I drew it along my finger, it left a trail of blood on it. It's sharps sides no tainted and impure. With a smirk I bough it too my wrists. I know what you're thinking; 'You've just freaked out at Blake for doing this, why are you?' The answerer is. Well, there's no answerer OR non that I can explain. The reason I relaxed by watched blood run down me was as inexplicable as the reason millions of people around the world like pop, it just happened. I dropped the shard of glass and sat on my bed. The air filled me. Nauseating. Lethargic. Solitude. Eruption. Antipathy. Love. Hate. Jealousness. Anger. Need. Panting. Desire.

**BLAKE**

The next morning I got up. Got dressed. Got cleaned. Put on makeup... you know...the usual stuff. I walked downstairs sleepily, expecting to find a half asleep Gee dreaming about nothing as he slept his coffee, That wasn't the case. He was sitting, full dressed, on a stool waiting for me. Big bags framed his eyes, but everything else about him was alert. He handed me some coffee.

"Because I know you get so grumpy in the morning when you don't have coffee." I took a sip, it was nice and hot.

"Thanks." I mumbled, looking around awkwardly.

"Are we friends again?" Gerard asked. I bit my tongue.

"I guess..." I smiled before literally being forced into gulping down my coffee and dragged to the car. I watched as he drove along, my eyes flicked from him to the road. Then the started to fix on him, particularly on his (no covered) chest. I could almost still feel the way it bumped around under my touch.

"You're staring." He said.

"No shit Sherlock." I laughed, awkwardly; still staring.

"Are you freaked out about last night?" He asked.

"A little and you?" I asked, he nodded.

"It's not like, I didn't know you had been, I mean...I'd seen them..." He trailed of.

"Yeah." I said unsure of what was right or wrong to say in this situation.

"What are you thinking about?" He asked.

"I wondering if Mikey knows about all those scars on you." I said. His eyes, clamped on me as we pulled up into the school.

"Do you know why my family moved?" He asked. I shook my head.

"I had just moved out of the house and everything had gone downhill for all of us. I was so introverted. I spent all my time drinking and popping pills and cutting, I was so self absorbed I didn't notice my little brother changing. He'd started on drugs, to give him a kick, to escape. It became a need for him to find excitement, which lead to him doing some stupid stuff..." He said, I listened solemnly.

"He started hurting himself, like breaking bones by jumping out of buildings. Just for the thrill. That year was the worst year of my life, Mikey started to get abused at school too and my parents decided they needed to get Mikey out there before her killed himself so they moved here so they could also make sure I couldn't kill myself." He said. I stared at him, startled by what I had just heard.

"I had no idea..." I gasped. Gee shook his head, tears close to the surface.

"No one did." He said.

"Is...is he okay now?" I asked.

"He's getting better." Gerard said sternly.

"And you?" I asked, my voice caught in my throat.

"I don't care about me, I just care about my family." Gee said, wiping his eyes. I pulled him into a hug and whispered into his ear:

"I care about you Gee." I heard a bang on the window. I turned to see Mikey, he was smiling and waiting for me. I took a shallow breath in. How could I think of him as the same person he was only a couple of minutes ago. I kissed Gee on the cheek and got out of the car.

"Hey honey!" He smiled, giving me a hug.

"Hey Mikey." I said.

"Aren't you excited for the party?" He buzzed, I turned my head back to Gee as we walked. He was still there, watching us silently. I waved, he waved back. You'd thin a wave for a simple thing, but it isn't; well at least not this one. This on meant more than that. I watched Mikey as he walked, I bit my lip. I started to notice things I had never noticed before, like the fact he always wore sweat bands, the very faint pink scar going up his arm, the bruising along his collarbone.

"What you looking at?" He asked.

"Nothing." I smiled, looking around for Frankie.

_**Stay out of the light  
Or the photograph that I gave you  
You can say a prayer if you need to  
Or just get in line and I'll grieve you  
Can I meet you, alone  
Another night and I'll see you  
Another night and I'll be you  
Some other way to continue  
To hide my face**_

_**[Chorus:]**__**  
Another knife in my hands  
A stain that never comes off the sheets  
Clean me off  
I'm so dirty babe  
The kind of dirty where the water never cleans off the clothes  
I keep a book of the names and those**_

Only go so far 'til you bury them  
So deep and down we go

Touched by angels, though I fall out of grace  
I did it all so maybe I'd live this every day

_**[Chorus:]**__**  
Another knife in my hands  
A stain that never comes off the sheets  
Clean me off  
I'm so dirty babe  
It ain't the money and it sure as hell ain't just for the fame  
It's for the bodies I claim and lose**_

Only go so far 'til you bury them  
So deep and down we go

Down

And down we go  
And down we go  
And down we go  
And we all fall down

I tried  
I tried

And we'll all dance alone to the tune of your death  
We'll love again, we'll laugh again  
And it's better off this way

And never again, and never again  
They gave us two shots to the back of the head  
And we're all dead now.

Well never again, and never again  
They gave us two shots to the back of the head  
And we're all dead now.

Well I tried  
One more night  
One more night  
well I'm laughin' out, cryin' out, laughin' out loud  
I tried, well I tried, well I tried,  
'Cause I tried, but I lied  
I lied

I tried  
I tried  
I tried, well

And we'll love again, we'll laugh again  
We'll cry again and we'll dance again  
And it's better off this way  
So much better off this way  
I can't clean the blood off the sheets in my bed

And never again, and never again  
They gave us two shots to the back of the head  
And we're all dead now


	10. Crash Into My Arms

**Hey lovers! Haha. I'm really getting into PJ-HARVEY's The Devil (hint hint) haha. I hope you enjoy this. I've been LITERALLY TOLD I had TO MAKE this happen in THIS chapter...so ENJOY! HAHA (You'll understand later...)**

**GERARD**

"Blake, get your ass upstairs and get changed!" I screamed at her, she was still lying on the couch watching TV.

"No..." She moaned.

"Now! Ray's going to be pissed if we're late." I said, pointing to the stairs 'so will you lover-boy.' I added. She shot me a look before jumping up and running upstairs. I sat on the couch, waiting impatiently as the minutes ticked by. I brushed back my hair as I waited. I heard her come down the stairs, I jumped up to take a look. She smiled at me; she had purple skinny jeans, black converse with purple and black stripy laces and a Black Flag top on. Her nails painted black with he skeleton gloves and her purple hair sprang behind her. Her eyes were thick with eyeliner and her lips with a purply-red coloured lip-gloss. She must be the only girl who could comfortably go out, looking amazing, wit out really making an effort.

"As great as you look;" I started with, a smile playing on my face "how could it have took you long to get changed into that?" I asked.

"Well, I was in a different outfit, but I realised it was WAY to revealing and I didn't want you googling me up." She laughed taking my arm.

"Nice jeans by the way." She added. I looked down at my black, holey skinnies covered in band patches. She grabbed her bag and we were out, into the car and ready to go too Rays...actually, not quite...

"I need to stop of at Gerrys."

"Why?"

"It's not a party without the _bangers_." She said simply, jumping out of the car and running into Gerrys. I sat wondering what the hell she meant until she ran back out and jumped into the car, waving to clear bags, one with pills in and the others with rolls.

"It's not a party without the _bangers_..." I repeated in an enlightened tone.

"Finally figured that out, huh?" She laughed as I drove on.

"Don't laugh at my stupidity." I said, giggling myself. You could hear music pounding blocks away, traffic was solid on Rays street.

"To think half of these people don't even know who Ray is." Blake laughed as we ended up parking on some ones lawn. I took her hand and lead her through the crowd into the part, where I still didn't let it go, until...

"Okay, open wide." She smiled. I stuck my tongue out and she placed a pill onto it then one in her mouth. I smiled as she did so, her eyes focused on my mouth.

"And close your eyes." She commanded, I looked at her questioningly before closing my eyes. I felt her lips on mine, parting my mouth. I kissed her back, in complete shock. She pulled back with a smile and opened her mouth revealing two pills.

"How the hell did you do that?" I ask and she swallowed them back.

"Practise." She laughed. I didn't like the idea of her practising that with any other guy, but I was still buzzed up about the fact we had just kissed so I didn't let it bother me.

"Here." She took my hand and pressed another two into them, curcling my finger around it. I brought them too my mouth and swallowed them back.

"Now the party can get started." She smiled looking around the dark room. People bodies surrounded us and the music pumped and lazors streamed around us. In the air was the ever comforting smell of liquor.

"Gee! Blake!" I heard some one say. I turned to see Ray and gave him a hug.

"Hey birthday boy!" I said whilst laughing as he gave Blake a hug.

"Ooh, I got this for you." She pulled out another see through bag, I hadn't seen this one and handed it to him.

"You know how to make me happy, don't you?" He laughed. She just blushed and gave him another hug.

"Now go! There are plenty of girls in here and all of them are looking for you." She smiled as she pointed at a girl at the other end of the room discreetly. Ray gave me a smirk.

"You got a good one." He said, before I could say anything and ran off, by now I was blushing beyond fiercely, now in the realm of a tomato look alike.

"Lighten up babe." She laughed, taken my hands and wrapping them around her waist, making me sway to the thunderous music playing in the background.

"you get way too much of a kick from making me dance terribly."

"You're a good dancer, honey." She said, her hips moving rhythmically under my hands. As always when ever anything good was happening to me, that asshole had to come.

"Blake!" I heard him say loudly as he strode over to me. She parted from my grasp and gave him a hug.

"Hey, Bert!" She smiled, her arms tightly around his neck as she kissed his cheek. He pulled back and gave me a smirk.

"How'ya doing...Gerard?"

"Much better ever since your friends have stopped beating me up..." I muttered. Blake looking awkwardly between us.

"It's a good party isn't it." She said trying to brake the silence between the three of us. Some one bumped into me, as the crowds moved around.

"Maybe we should go into the next room." Bert said, only really talking to Blake.

"Cool." She said, he took her hand and pulled her along, but she grabbed onto mine and flashed a smile at me as our line pierced through the crowds to get to the next room. My hands were sweaty in hers, my pulse quickening.

**BLAKE**

There I was, hand in hand with the two guys who were tearing me apart. Quite literally at this moment. Each of them pulled on my hands, pulling me towards them as we walked through the crowds. I found myself finding a space in the crowded couch, sitting down and smiling up at the two boys. There was Bert, he was sweet and handsome and layed back...but then there was Gerard, who was adorable, funny, artistic, cute...but right now I wasn't sure about how I felt about him. I mean...oh god, this whole thing was a mess. They were like each others...alike opposites? Do you know what I mean? You probably don't...

"Here you go." I said handing Bert a pill before lighting of a spliff and taking a draw, Gee squeezed in beside me, leaving Bert hanging of the arm of the chair.

"Gimme that!" Gee said with a smirk, pulling the roll from me and taking a deep breath in of it.

"I got some subbies and special k if you're interested." Bert said, diving for his pocket. This was our life, well mine. The whole 'drug,' 'pop,' culture. The florescent light, the pumping music, sweaty hands, grime and filth, the desperation for the next hit, the never ending supply of alcohol, the vivid images of insanities adolescent grip tearing apart my mind, the exiguous rouges, the humbling sense of inferiority to the masses of bodies shaking around you, the euphoric eyes of a wild man ready to strike.

"Hit me baby!" I laughed as I jacked myself up on the momentum of pills and weed and powders or all sorts. Time flicked by, like an angry tongue of a babbling malicious mongrel. Gerard seemed content with limply holding my hand, drinking himself to death and watching the crowds, but Bets hand had moved onto my leg, moving ever further up, his eyes burning into my complexion. I tried to ignore him as Mikey wobbled up, Alicia holding him by his arm. My eyes became large, Gerard didn't know about Alicia.

"Mikey what the fuck are you on?" Gee said, his tone less harsh than intended by the mellowing effects of the drugs.

"Just some motherfucking liquor...Gotta problem, druggy?" He added with a snort.

"Baby, ease up." Alicia said.

"Sorry about this...but, yeah...who the fuck are you?" Gerard asked, directing the question to Alicia. As he did so I glanced briefly back at the very amused looking Bert who's body was almost completely lurched over mine, to the point where I could almost feel his chest rise and fall.

"I'm his girlfriend and I'm guessing you're Gerard." Alicia said with a smirk directed towards the very horrified Mikey.

"Wow...this is awkward." I muttered.

"Very." Bert agreed quietly.

"You have a girlfriend? Nice to meet you by the way..." Gerard said, still horrified, but adding some of his normal charm at the end.

"Stop being such a grouch. Frankie has one! Ray and bob are making out with girl right now! You're just jealous because no one wants you." Mikey said bitterly. You had to wince at that moment, it was the MOTTS. For those who don't know what the MOTTS are; it's that moment whilst watching TV or talking to your friends when some says or does something so awkward and so incredibly ignorant you want to die or switch the channel over, BUT your curiosity won't let you.

"I'm going to pretend you didn't say that." Gerard huffed. Mikey rolled his eyes. I'd never seen Mikey like this. He skulked of. Alicia smiled at me before lowering herself near Gee.

"I'm so sorry, he's way out of it, he didn't mean it." She said before turning to find Mikey.

"And now I want to kill some one." Gee said, staring intently on Mikey and Alicia. I felt Berts hand raise further, so far that it was lsightly out of my comfort zone.

"Bert." I growled, shooting him a look.

"Can I talk to you...somewhere private?" He asked me. I asked Gerard through a sort of questionable look if he didn't mind me going. He just sighed and nodded; I instantly jumped up relived to get Bert of my and followed him to the over side of the room. He casually leaned against the wall, sizing me up. I could feel the drugs pumping through my veins. My heart pounded as his face neared mine.

"I've really enjoyed getting to know you..." He smiled. I glanced back at Gee he was still watching Mikey. I couldn't imagine...Mikey and Gee had always been so close, it must hurt him the thing Mikey just said. I couldn't believe he said that.

"Yeah, I've enjoyed getting to know you too..." I smiled. I opened my mouth to tell him that I should get back to make sure Gee was okay, but instead he planted his lips on mine. He lips pushing mine open and his tongue quickly flicking along mine. I pushed him away from me.

"Sorry. I just..." I shook my head. I couldn't.

"It's okay...Do you want to get out of here? Your friend's boring me." I opened my mouth in shock. Did he JUST say that.

"What the fuck?" I exclaimed, he looked around shocked.

"He's my best friend and I promised I'd stay here so please call him boring." I sighed.

"Well why don't you go out with him then?" He snapped.

"You know what, I'd prefer to go out with him." I just laughed, I turned from him in a rage. Fucking dickhead.

**GERARD**

I couldn't believe my brother had just said that to me. How could he? I'd spent most of my childhood looking after him and he just said that to me! The ass...and he didn't even tell me he had a fucking girlfriend! Jesus Christ, if anything could make you think pathetic it would be your brother doing that. My eyes flicked to Blake and Bert, his head was dangerously close to hers, she said something before he eyes met with mine, but before she could say anything else Bert placed his lips on hers. I felt my stomach twist around. My knuckles clenched as his arms pulled around her. He hands creeped up his chest and pushed him away from something. I breathed out heavily, she didn't look impressed. She said something to him, He looked over to me harshly, pointing and saying something. She stared at him , shouted something and turned from him. He grabbed her arm.

"Get off me!" I heard her exclaim.

"Oh fuck it, you're not worth it. You're just some kid." He said as she walked to me.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"Yeah...sure. Thanks." She said shakily.

"I'm sorry I didn't listen to you before. You're right, he is an asshole." She sighed rubbing at her eyes. I looked around the crowded room.

"I feel like such a fool..." She moaned, stamping her foot childishly.

"Don't worry...people will be talking about the next thing tomorrow." I smiled giving her shoulder a quick squeeze.

"I don't even want to go into it... He sat there feeling me up then thought it was appropriate to shout of about you."

"Don't even think about it... He's a jerk." There was a painful silence. Blake looked over too Mikey.

"With that last shred of sense left in my body, I'm going to tell you to go and talk to him."

"I can't be assed..." I sighed.

"Then..." She glanced back to the shadowy figure that was Bert before pulling out a load of pills and shoving them at me "get ready because this is going to be one hell of a night."

-------------4 HOURS LATER--------------

My insides were downing in a pool of alcohol and crud. Our bodies all hushed together, sweat dripping of each other...

"Dancing is so fun..." Blake said, her arms flying in the sky, her hips swaying and her hair flying around wildly.

"Watching you is so fun." I laughed. She ignored that and carried on dancing. Her eyes closed and she swayed and consciously left us. Her mouth opened slightly.

"You know...you don't give yourself enough credit." She laughed handing me the spliff from her mouth.

"Huh?" I asked, taking a draw in.

"You're way cooler than you give yourself credit for..." She laughed, he finger all of the sudden stroking my hair.

"Why thankyou." I laughed, I felt light headed and the earth seemed to implode around me. Blake was barely able to stand. I lead her to the kitchen where tuns of dunk teens sat making out, including Bob.

"Hey dude!" I said giving him a hug, dragging him away from the pretty young girl he was with.

"Hi...Nice to see ya." He slurred between the two of us.

"You have any idea where the birthday boy is?" I asked.

"I think he may be...busy." Bob laughed hysterically. It's funny how distorted life can look though lenses of drugs and alcohol. I sat down on the last plastic stool left. Blake flumped onto my knee. I laughed, she barely weight a thing...or maybe that was the numbness of my body.

_**As soon as I'm left alone  
The devil wanders into my soul  
And I pretend to myself...  
I go out  
To the old milestone  
Insanely expecting  
You to come there  
Knowing that I wait for you there  
That I wait for you there  
Come!Come!  
Come here at once!Come!Come!  
On a night with no moon  
Because all of my being is now in pining  
All of my being is now in pining  
What formerly had cheered me  
Now seems insignificant, insignificant**_

Our heads pressed together, I panted hard. Struggling to catch my breath as my heart pounded. Everything was getting to close to me. To close. To fast. To far. I waved out.

"Shhh...it's okay..." Blake whispered, her finger over my lips. I panted.

"My chest...is so tight..." I complained... I felt her breath against my cheek.

"It's beautiful." She said with a sharp breathe. Our eyes connected. This pointless, senseless, drug educed conversation struck a... thin, deep, chord in my. I had no Idea what we were talking about...Bu ti agreed. It was all so beautiful. The shining light, the stiffness of my muscles, the shaking of my hands, the trembling of my lips. Her finger creeped around my neck, her eyes closing. I followed her lead, closing mine to. Her lip brushed against my, gently pushing mine open, the slight movement sending chills through the body. She let her top lip cease mine, her teeth pulling my lip softly further in. I pulled away, her worn eyes glazed with lust sank into mine. I looked around at the hordes of people, our noses touching gently as or lips skimmed over each others. She pulled at my hand leading me into Rays room, the only un occupied room thanks to the giant 'DO NOT ENTER' sign on it. A sudden wave of passion shook through us as I fumbled to close the door as she kissed me savagely. I pushed her against the wall, she groaned with pleasure as my hands searched her shaking body. I was so scared I'd pass out or buckle if I stopped for a second. My hand shakily cupping her face as I heard her heavy panting. She pushed us of the wall, he hands pulling at my shirt willing it of as our bodies collapsed onto the bed. She kissed along my chest, down to my pants where I felt her hand slip down them as she straddled me.

"Bl-aake..." I stuttered out as she rubbed cruelly down onto the denim. He eyes still focused on mine. My 'member' throbbing painfully against my jeans as her hips pressed against mine, sending a surge of pleasure through my body. IT rubbed painfully against the course material... As if she had read my thought she un did the zipper and button. I let out a gasp as her hand disappeared down into it and her kisses reached the crook of my neck. Her fingers circled around the tender flesh around my private area, making my hips lurch forward. She let out a satisfying grown as I pulled her body further onto mine, kissing her fiercely. Her kisses had lead down to my lower stomach when she rolled of me, so she was lying next to me on the bed, laughing hysterically. I lay there, in complete shock, my erection becoming stiffer and uncomfortable through the silence. I pulled my pants up, forgetting about my top and looked over to the amused looking Blake.

"They're whispering, Gee...They're talking to me." She said, giggling as she clutched her sides. Her eyes snapped shut. I stared at her, worried. I leaned over her trying to find her pulse...The door opened.

"Oh crap...I'll leave you guys..." I heard Rays voice. I turned quickly.

"No! It's not like that! I was just checking to see if she was asleep..." I said, quickly moving over.

"Ahuh...Why don't you come with me, some guys doing skate tricks on the cars outside and it's fucking hilarious!" He laughed. I shook my head.

"I kinda don't want to leave her unconscious by herself in a house full of drunk, horny boys." I said before he left I lay down, exhausted and desperate for air. My eyes fluttering with tiredness. I heard a giggle. I turned onto my side to see Blake staring at me, with her giant childlike eyes. Innocents flowing out of her.

"You straddled me when you where checking if I was breathing." She laughed. I felt myself sling my arms gently around her, protectively in a way.

"Sleep tight Blake." I whispered into her ear as she leaned her head on my bare chest. I didn't get a reply. She was fast asleep.


	11. Meant The World To You

**Hey! I love you guys...(That's what you get- Paramore and Weightless-All Time Low are the songs of the week.) I know a lot of the songs I'm using in this story weren't made in this time, but it's fanFICTION AND I'M ALOUD TO DO WHAT I WANT! HAA!**

**BLAKE**

"Wow...this is so awkward." I said under my breath.

"A little." Oh god, it was awful. So awful. I could barely look at him. Last night replayed over and over again in my head.

"It was completely drug induced...Right?" He asked.

"Completely..." I said, my heart falling as I spoke.

"So...we're just going to forget about it?" Gerard said surely. My heart fell further. I didn't know what I had expected from him, but it wasn't this. My chest was swelling with a compelling feeling of worthlessness. My ruddy cheeks traced by sunlight.

"Yeah, it's not like it's going to happen again is it?" My question was rhetorical really, I was sure of his answerer. I looked around at the mess of Rays room. I breathed out heavily, sunlight streamed in from his window, straining my eyes.

"I guess not..." I got up without another word and walked out of the room. I could hear the clashes of Gee behind me; crashing against the door and with a striding step. The house was a mess. People were lying in their own shit, others puke and mangled on the floor, that included Mikey and Alicia who were wrapped in each other's arms. Mikeys eyes were open, he watched as we walked over to him.

"You need a lift home?" Gee asked as if nothing had happened. Mikey looked down at Alicia who was deeply asleep.

"No thanks...I'll wait for her." He smiled. Gee nodded, biting his tongue.

"I'm sorry for being such an ass, I didn't mean what I said; I was of my face..." Mikey said solemnly.

"I know..." The convection had taken a sinister turn in my head though as I drifted off into my own world, pictures of fights and savage passions painted on the canvas of my bleak being.

"Blake..." Gerard prodded me, the two boys now starring at me.  
"Hmm?" I said half consciously.

"You totally just zoned out." Gerard laughed, taking my hand as he pulled me to the car. I wanted to tell him how much I loved the feeling of his hand in mine, but I stayed silent and content and paralyzed in thought until the car started with a groan. I switched on the radio, Cupid De Locke came on by the Smashing Pumpkins. I smiled innocently, the hot beams of the sun burning my face through the windows. I raised my hand in my ever seamless way and let my fingers stretch out as the light filtered between them, shadowing my eyes. The ever childish stabs on the piano and playful melodies of Smashing Pumpkins entranced me. I pulled my feet up for my knees were tightly against my chest. Gerard watched me soberly as he drove.

"See the devil may do as the devil may care. He loves none sweeter as sweeter the dare. Her mouth the mischief he doth seek..." I sang along, my fist now banging of the headrest of the seat as energy pumped through my veins and a headache clouded my mind.

"You're so random." Gerard laughed.

"And you like it, which is the best thing." I said, my head turning as it pressed against the seat, so I face him. My purple hair covering my eyes awkwardly, my eyes digging into his. A smile played onto his face.

"And you know it..." I whispered, closing my eyes.

"We're taking a detour before we go back to ours..." He said intently. I opened one eye, fixating it on the road trying to figure out where we were going.

"So...do you want to talk about it?" He asked. Hid eyed where firm. They cut into mine, making me bleed deep tears of antipathy.

"Nope."

"Not even the fact you ga-."

"Shut up Gee." I laughed, but I shot him a serious look. I didn't want to talk about it.

"It's going to be awkward if we don't talk about it..."

"It's going to be awkward from now on, no matter what, better soak it up."

"Don't say that..." Gee said, a taint of sorrow in his voice.

"Well it is Gee, it's not like we're going to be discussing boyfriends any time soon..." I moaned.

"Did we ever do that before?" He laughed as we pulled into the waste ground. Notorious for BMXing and getting high.

"Why are we here?" I asked as he got out of the car and walked by the ramps people were grinding on.

"Just watch."He said, grabbing my hand and squinting as the sun streamed passed us. My hands sweated as he grabbed mine, my chest pounding, Couldn't he see what he was doing to me? Couldn't he hear my heart skipping beats? I did as he asked, I sat down and watched. I watched them skate and ride and flip and I let the cool breeze warm my body. Gee sat next to me, casually picking at pieces of mud and rubbing them between his fingers.

"You confuse me." Gerard stated blandly. I looked towards him.

"I do?"

"Most certainly."

"How do I confuse you?" I asked...

"It's your..." He paused "I don't understand what you are; you always act so cynically and sarcastic, but at times..."

"At times..." I said urging him to carry on, He was confusing me.

"you're so broken. Like the frayed edges of threads and materials...you're..."

"Insane." I finished for him.

"Yeah, kind of." He laughed. I rested my head on his shoulder.

"I don't care if you see me cry...I don't care if you find out, just don't let any one else find out." I told him. He looked so confused by my twisted words... A smile crept on my face.

"What do you want?" He asked as if it was a perfectly sensible question as the putrid smell of waste entered our nostrils and the jeers and screams of audiences watching eagerly as the ruddy cheeked adventurous jumped over the ramps.

"That's the point. I don't know. I can't comprehend anything any more. I just can't. My mind is ignorant and blank and I can't try. The strain of thinking about it is making my hands shake so violently and my chest is heaving. I don't know anything anymore and I hate it." I said, pushing my head into my hands. A loud echo of the drums marched and strained my minds, my eyes blurring. My nails dug into my head as I tried to block it out.

"It's not always going to be like that..." Gee whispered stroking my hand.

"It'll get better, the fog will move on. I know it will Blake..." He said. I breathed out sharply. This whole conversation had just came out of no where...Out of the blue...

"Tell me about it." I looked up to him, his eyes digging deep into me as her lit a cigarette, taking a draw of it and then with a sigh looked up to the sky, his eyes wincing.

"It hurts to wakeup in the morning and it hurts to tell myself to try. I can't see a point. I can't feel anything because numbness has taken over my body. I shouldn't think of suicide as an escape route, I know, but…it's becoming painfully attractive." I said honestly, the lump in my throat growing. He didn't seemed phased by my brutality.

"I don't want you to die."

"I don't want me to die either." I said.

------------------------------------------------------------------------back at the house-------------------------------------------------------

Gee strummed lazily at his guitar, his lips circled around his cigarette. The familiar smell of coffee elated me as I took a mouthful.

"II suck so bad..." He laughed as He strummed out Weightless by All Time Low.

"Manage me, I'm a mess. Turn a page, I'm a book; half unread. I wanna be laughed at, laughed with just because..." We sang together. The microwave beeped, I jumped up and pulled out of poptarts.

"Catch!" I laughed, throwing him one, he caught it and dropped it due to its temperature.

"I WANNA FEEL RECKLESS AND WANNA LIVE IT UP JUST BECAUSE..." Gee screamed, bashing his head around and 'attempting' to jam.

"You're right. You suck." I laughed.

"You're such a meaniieee." He exclaimed handing me his guitar. I fiddled with it, for some reason Gees guitar was always one turn out of tune.

"Ballad Of Johnny." He said as if he had read my thoughts. I smiled as I thoughts back to the Bouncing Souls lyrics.

"And you call me inane? You tune your guitar according to lyrics from a Bouncing Souls SONG!" I said, my lips trembling as I watched him wriggle his nose and turn the TV on. There was a knock on the door, I sighed and put the guitar down and answered the door. It was Bert.

"Hey..." I heard him say.

"What do you want?" I snapped. Gerard came behind me, peering out of the door in disgust.

"I wanted to come and say sorry, to both of you, I acted like an ass. I shouldn't have said any of those things..." He smiled apologetically. I looked around uncomfortably, Gee was staring at me in one of those ways meaning 'please dear god, don't do what I think you're going to do..."

**GERARD**

I sat and watched them talk, uncomfortably with a look of horror on my face. What the fuck was she doing? Was she trying to hurt me on purpose? I mean...with what happened last night then just going back to this complete asshole who had made my life hell. I grabbed me coat. Blake looked up from Bert.

"Where are you going?"

"Band practise." I snarled and slammed the door behind me. Couldn't she fucking see what she was doing to me? Couldn't she? How could everything we had talked about mean so little to her? How the fucking hell could she forgive him? He called her a kid! Well, to be fair, I have too...but that's not the fucking point! He's a jackass! I kicked the brick wall with such fury that I let out a high pitched scream as I did so. I ran to Rays, trying to block all thoughts of Blake out of my mind.

"Hey..." I huffed running into the room full of people, I noticed Alicia and gave her a quick smile. I grabbed the mic and impatiently waited for everyone to stop staring at me...

"What?" I snapped.

"Nothing..." Mikey said, before smirking at Alicia.

"Woah, is it some sort of new rule that you can only show up to band practise pissed off?" Ray asked. I shook my head.

"Sorry..."

"I thought Blake was going to come tonight..." Bob said as he messed around with his high hat.

"Nope, she's busy with Bert..."

"I thought they weren't speaking. Frankie said, the dick...he could tell I didn't want to talk about it.

"Well he showed up all apologetic and Blake decided to go and swoon all over him." I spluttered, turning my amp on impatiently.

"I think someone is jealous." Ray sung under his voice. I shot him a look.

"Maybe not..." He laughed. I grinded my teeth and stared down into the microphone.

"Maybe we could go from Our Lady Of Sorrows..." I said, the guys all nodded and Alicia sat up straight awaiting our 'performance.'

**BLAKE**

What was I supposed to do? He just showed up and it's not like Gerard's giving me any offers... So why the hell should he be so annoyed about it? I sat in the restaurant, looking around apprehensively. Bert scratched his chin whilst looking at the menu, highlighting his stubble. Stubble was okay. I mean...I guess Berts apology was sincere. I assumed it was anyway. I still had no idea why Gerard hated him so much, it always seemed like there was history between them... My train of thought was interrupted by the waitress.

"So what can I get chu kids?" She said in an incredibly southern accent.

"I think I'm going to have an orange soda and some fries." He said simply, both of their eyes on me.

"Gimme the same, but with some steaming hot, black coffee." I smiled. She nodded and walked off. He smiled from over the table.

"Thanks for seeing me again..."

"It's okay..." I said, watching the woman now scurrying back with a pot of coffee and pouring me out a steamy mug full.

"Everyone has bad, drunk memories...right?" I smiled; I knew I certainly did, except they weren't THAT bad, if you get what I mean.

"Totally..." He said smiling. He did have a cute smile, it was toothy and cheeky, but when I thought about it it wasn't as cute or cheeky as Gees. Gees smile was cheeky yet innocent and completely insane, but sure and mysterious... That's when it started, I started comparing everything Bert did to what Gee would do. Bert stood no chance, really. Bert was sweet, but my best friend Gerard was the guy. Bert took tiny sips of his soda whilst listening to me, Gerard would have glugged it all down, snorted it out with laughter and go bright pink with embarrassment; as gross as that is, it's really, really amusing- So one more for Gerard.

"So how are you finding The SVA?" I asked.

"It's cool. I have most of the teachers wrapped around my little finger so I manage to keep on top of it all..." He said with a air of un-interest. Gerard would have dived into a convocation about his tutors and projects he was doing, probably ending in us talking comics; So I was a little confused by Bert's lack of interest.

"I thought you'd be more excited about the topic..."

"The thing about me and art is it was less like a passion and more like the only thing I could do... It's not like I eat, sleep and shit it like some of the kids there." I knew who he was referencing to.

"Really? So you don't enjoy it?" I asked curiously. He just gave me one of this '_Meh'_ sort of looks so I decided to move on from the topic, allowing Gee another point. I stuffed a few fries into my mouth and watched him as he played around with his food.

"And how's high school?" He asked in a sarcastic voice, almost condescending.

"It's the shits. I can't wait to get out of it in the end of the year..." I said surely.

"So what's next for you then?" He questioned.

"SVA, Some sort of internship, getting a job in commercial art, spend the rest of my life eating take out... That's about it. What about you?"I asked.

"I'll end up getting some shitty job doing some shitty paper pushing stuff and get married, have kids, get old." He said with a smirk. Gerard never thought of life like that, everything he did was a massive adventure and he hadn't even began thinking about marriage...I think. Bert called for the bill and started handing some money over.

"Now this is my treat." He said.

"Oi! I can pay for myself!" I laughed, he smirked.

"Okay, if you're sure..." He said. I pulled out a green and handed it to the waitress, I wasn't pissed because I had to pay; I didn't like other paying for me...No, I was pissed because Bert seemed to have only offered to pay for me for browny points.

"So where now?"I asked. He bit his lip.

"Do you want to come back to mine? Or maybe..." I blinked, processing what he was saying in a flush.

"Mines closer." I nodded. I felt him take my hand and lead me out of the diner. The rest of the walk was a whiz. I was tying to figure out what I was going to do. What he wanted. What I wanted What about Gee? This thought only occurred to me as I opened the door to the house, leading Bert in. I switched the lights on before walking into the living room. I chucked my keys onto the table and faced Bert who was slipping of his jacket.

"Do you want somethi-." I didn't get any further because my speech was stunted by Bert lips pressing against mine. His hand pulled around my back, pressing me closer to him. As I kissed back awkwardly between his hands and I tried to think of an excuse to get him of me... I pulled back.

"I was going to ask if you wanted a drink..." I said, blushing insanely. What could I say? He'd just fucking kissed me. My eyes lifted up to the clock, wondering how time had passed so quickly. Gerard had left almost 4 hours ago!

"Nope, but I know something else I want." He said, pulling me back into his arms, He kissed my neck, but viciously. Nothing like how Gerard di-. Oh shut up Blake! How could I compare Bert to Gerard? Bert WANTED me, GERARD DIDN'T. I felt myself kiss back, but as my hands gripped at his hair, I felt a pang of guilt. I was literally using Bert to help myself get over Gerard. I pulled back, wiping my mouth.

"You have to go..."I told him sternly.

"What? Why?" He asked.

"Just...not tonight. Not ever..." I said with a sigh. He stared at me with confusion.

"Are you okay? Are you ill?" He asked.

"Yes, that's it Bert. I'm ill, I'm sick. You have to go."I said, opening the door for him.

"Get better soon then...I'll see you soon." He winked walking out of the door. I flopped onto the couch, breathing out heavily. I was such an awful person.

**GERARD**

I walked out down the street, my house coming into view. I couldn't wait to go home. The front door opened and I watched Bert walk out. What? It was 6 o'clock he'd been there all day! My teeth grinded with jealousy and aversion. He smirked at me as he walked toward me. His eyes flicking back to the house, his hair all over the place and on his face a merry smile.

"Nice to see you Gerard. Look after Blake for me, won't ya?" With that we walked briskly on. I ran into the house and into the living room to see Blake sitting on the couch, hands over her eyes and breathing deeply. I bit my tongue in disgust.


	12. This Time I Will Be Listening

**I swear listening to My Heart-Paramore whilst reading this just works- the song makes this crappy chapter slightly better! Haha. I'm dedicating this chapter to My one and only. He knows who he is and he knows how much I love him. XO**

**BLAKE**

I spent all night awake. My eyes floating over the objects in my room. My head leaned against my wall. My heart beating strongly and my fists screwed up. The complete overwhelming emotion of regret drained through me. My knees were pulled up against my chest. Tears burning my cheeks. He'd never know. He'd never fucking know. My body shook, my lips trembling as I heard him sing softly from his room. The nights presence shook through me and mornings awaited coming threatened my sleepless state.

"Yeah... I'll see you then..." I heard Gee whispered on the phone in his room. My nails bit into the wall.

"I'm okay! I swear...no...yeah, I'll tell her...totally...bye..." He chocked out the unconnected list of words sorrowfully. The night air flooded though the open window. My skins numbing itself to the bitter coldness. I let my finger dance along my arm.

**GERARD**

I lay on my bed. I could hear whimpers coming from Blakes room. I couldn't bear to hear her voice. I just couldn't. I buried my head in the pillow. Tears soaking it. The phone lay abandoned on the floor. It must have been about 4 o'clock in the morning. I returned to my quiet singing. Painfully trying to block out her cries. My fingers screwed up on the frame of the bed. My knuckles clicking. I let out a sharp scream. My hand hit of the wall. I hated him. I hated him more than anything in the world. I tearfully nursed my fist. My lips tracing over the reddening skin. Why did everything have to be so fucked up? Why couldn't we just be happy? In a couple of hours time I'd have to get up and go to college and Blake would go to high school and all day her face would be the only thing occupying my mind. The built up rage and utter depression in my body was making it hard for me to breathe.

"Gerard?" I heard a timid voice say. I closed my eyes.

"Yes?" I said, un sure if I could manage any more.

"Good night."

"Good night, Blake." I spluttered, the salty tears reaching my lips.

_**I am finding out that maybe I was wrong  
That I've fallen down and I can't do this alone**_

Stay with me, this is what I need, please?

Sing us a song and we'll sing it back to you  
We could sing our own but what would it be without you?

I am nothing now and it's been so long  
Since I've heard the sound, the sound of my only hope

This time I will be listening.

Sing us a song and we'll sing it back to you  
We could sing our own but what would it be without you?

This heart, it beats, beats for only you  
This heart, it beats, beats for only you

This heart, it beats, beats for only you  
My heart is yours

This heart, it beats, beats for only you  
My heart is yours  
(My heart, it beats for you)

This heart, it beats, beats for only you (It beats, beats for only you)  
My heart is yours (My heart is yours)

This heart, it beats, beats for only you (Please don't go now, please don't fade away)  
My heart, my heart is yours (Please don't go now, please don't fade away)

(Please don't go now, please don't fade away) My heart is yours  
(Please don't go now, please don't fade away) My heart is yours  
(Please don't go, please don't fade away)  
(Please don't go now, please don't fade away) My heart is...

It was even more awkward than it had been the day after Rays party. I tried to concentrate on driving, but my eyes kept flicking back to her. I wondered what he'd done to her. If she loved him. If she'd loved being with him. I wondered where he'd kissed her...I wondered if she'd preferred our night or theirs... Dark circles framed her eyes, her hand taping on the window of the car and her other hand fiddled with her skirt.

"Did you have a good band practise yesterday?" She said, trying to break the tension.

"Yeah...okay..." I said. Silence. I coughed thinking of something to say.

"Did you have a good time yesterday?" I asked, innocently enough. He eyes skimmed over my face.

"Yes." That's it. That was our conversation before she looked back out of the window.I heard her mumble something, barely audible.

"What?" I asked confused. Her eyes opened.

"Nothing... Just- nothing." She breathed out heavily. I pulled up outside her school.

"Oh yeah, we're going to my moms tonight...Mikey and Alicia were going so our parents could meet Alicia and they wanted us to come." I informed her. She nodded her head.

"Cool. Good. Bye." Three words. Then she left. I gripped the steering wheel tightly, my eyes dropping to the floor as the door slammed shut. I couldn't understand it. All of the sudden everything was just so... complex. I pulled out, heading to the ferry, so I could make the trip to the SVA so I could get shoved and pushed to agree. About an hour later I stoof looking up at the SVA. I bit my lip. Rubbing my fingers along my jawbone and entered apprehensively. People walked around me, running to classes, joining hands, breathing deeply with utter excitement. Why couldn't I feel that? Everything about this place depressed me now. I sort of drifted through the day, my IPods headphones firmly placed in my ears. Lunch went my painfully. I trudged to my Fine Arts class. I had been dreading it all day. Bert and I both took this class. As I rushed into the class, late as always, I took my seat a couple of places in front of Bert and his sniggering friend.

I tried to concentrate on the lesson. I really did, but every time I thought I was getting into it I heard Bert whispering something or Blake would pop up in my head.

"Yeah, we did it on her couch." I heard Bert whisperer. I listened in curiously.

"Totally gagging for it; what a slut." He chuckled.

"Isn't she a friend of that Way kid?" His friends asked. Oh my god, they were talking about Blake.

"Unfortunately. It's so obvious he likes her... pathetic or what?" He laughed. That was it. I jumped up and without thinking my fist came in contact with his face.

"You fucking asshole!" I screamed. He'd fucked Blake and now he was bragging about it. I was on top of him now, his hands lashing out at my face. The class jeered, leaving the teacher in hysterics. I felt a hand grab my arm and pull me back. It was my fucking teacher. Bert struggled up and spat at me.

"You're just jealous because she wanted me not you." He spat. My arms thrashed out again, but my tutors grip was firm. He pulled me out of the classroom by one hand and the other one was dragging Bet along. I found myself sitting in the 'Directors' office, glaring bitterly at see, college is just like high school except the head teacher isn't the head teacher, they're called the 'director of learning' or what ever makes them sound important, take you pick...and if you did anything you could be sure that your ass was going to be dragged to their office.

"Are you going to explain why you felt the need to hit Bert?" She said, looking through her glasses.

"He was spreading shit about my best friend!" I exclaimed.

"So you felt the need to punch him?"

"Stop being so god damn condescending, I'm not a violent guy, but I'm willing to fucking kill someone if they're talking shit about my friends and family." She stared at me in shock. Around about then I decided I should have skipped the first bit...

**BLAKE**

I yawned, sleepily, as I pushed my books into my locker, thankful for the end of the day.

"So you're going to pick us up? Thanks so much...okay...yeah- bye!" Mikey hung up the phone.

"He was already out so he says he'll be here in a minute or two." He informed me, his arm casually around Alicia's hips. Alicia looked worried as hell- I didn't know why though; Donna and Donald were the sweetest. I wasn't looking forward to seeing Gerard; he'd been in a funny mood all last night. High school's one of those giant bummers; you can never escape it, you're either at it or worrying about it or talking about it. You never get away, really. Frank was at my side, of course he was coming over for tea; A little after meeting the boys I realised that Donna was right- Frank was almost completely part of their family. His arm dragged around my shoulder.

"What's wrong honey?" He asked. I shook my head.

"Nothing- I was just wondering if I could come to one of you band practises..." I mumbled. He looked a little taken back.

"Of course you can; just let me warn you though- It get's bloody." He laughed, his hands moving to mine, grabbing it.

"Where's Jamia? I haven't seen her since Rays party!" I asked.

"Her moms got her locked up in her own house, literally. She was grounded because her mom found some drugs in her room..." Frank sighed.

"Ouch- for how long?" I asked curiously.

"Like a month or two... I suppose it could have been worse." I nodded in agreement, my eyes scanning along the car park for Gerard. When I spotted him, I pulled Frank along with me and jumped into the front seat. Alicia, Mikey and Frank took the back.

"Hey Gerard..." I smiled, my eyes flicking onto is face. He watched me carefully as I did up my belt. I noticed he looked like he had scratched on the side of his face.

"What happened?" I asked, trying to touch them, but Gee moved along in his seat before I could, muttering some excuse. I could hear Alicia moaning about how nervous she was and Mikey trying to calm her down. I turned in my seat.

"Don't worry, they're going to love you." I told her sincerely. She flashed me a thankful smile, but it didn't take long for her to carry on fretting.

"I saw Bert today." Gerard said icily.

"And?" I asked confused.

"Just thought you'd interested..." He muttered. I looked out of my window. Bert was a giant mistake. A massive one. When we reached The ways house I walked in with a smile, the delicious smell of Donnas cooking flooded my nostrils.

"Hey honey!" She said giving me a hug, followed by giving Frank, Gerard and Mikey one. She smiled at Alicia.

"It's great to meat you..." She said, shaking Alicia's hand.

"It is, I've heard a lot about you." By this point I was greeting Donald, but listening in on Alicia's careful wording.

"The food smells wonderful, Donna." I noted.

"Thank you Blake! I tried out a new recipe today..." I found myself seated at the dinner table, opposite Gerard who stared at me intently. I took a spoonful of the pie. Everyone, except Gee, was looking at Alicia. She talked happily, telling them about themselves, her hand tightly grasping Mikeys under the table. That's what I wanted; someone reliable, someone who was there for me, someone who cared...

"And what did you do this weekend?" Donald asked, putting down his fork.

"Or in Blakes case, Who did you do this weekend." I heard Gerard mutter, he just said it loud enough for everyone to catch. I blushed bright red.

"Can we talk about this later, Gerard?" I asked, feeling peoples eyes burn on me.

"Or...we could take about it now Blake? Y'know how you went behind my back and screwed Bert?" Why the hell did he ALWAYS have to pick the worst times. Anger raged up inside of me. I jumped up, my finger pointing viciously at him.

"I didn't go fucking near him! I didn't and wouldn't and even if I did it's none of your effing business- I mean why do you care so much?" I barked. My eyes darted between the astounded audience.

"I'm sorry..." I whispered to Donna and Donald before storming out.

**GERARD**

All their attention were now on me as I watched the door close, silently.

"Look what you did now you fucktard!" Mikey raged.

"Maybe I should go..." I got up pushing my chair in afterwards and walking outside calmly, suddenly regretting what I had said.

_**Thank you for reading this chapter (if any one did...) Please review! *cringe* Woah, I sounded desperate there... buahaa. Love you guys!**_

_**xox**_


	13. Honestly, That's What I Said

_**I'm tempted to say my chapters are a little to long...I mean I'm 13 chapters in and I'm around 30,000 words! So the ones in the future may be shorter.**_

"Fuck off..." She said numbly as she walked down the street, her hand shakily holding a cigarette to her lips. I followed her down the street, trying to keep up with her pace.

"I'm sorry, I was being an ass..." I protested. She turned to me.

"Well at least you're right about that!" She snarled. I'd never seen her like this before; she was actually being malicious.

"I'm so sorry." I said, my arm going out to her shoulder, she flinched.

"Do you think that little of me, Gee, that you'd think the idea of me and Bert plausible?"

"No..." I said shaking my head.

"Well you obviously do! I mean, what was going through your fucking skull when you decided to say that shit?" He eyes where now on mine, a dead lock look on her face meaning only one thing...

"It's just what he said..." I mumbled.

"What who said?" She asked.

"Bert...he was bragging about what happened last night..." I muttered.

"About...what?" She asked, her eyes literally burning into my flesh.

"THAT YOU GUYS FUCKED EACH OTHER ON THE FUCKING COUCH!" I screamed. Her cheeks bleed bright red.

"That never fucking happened..." What? Bert was lying.

"That fucking..."

"Liar?" Blake said, raising an eyebrow with a smirk

"I'm sorry."

"Forget it, I'm going home..." She carried on walking her hands tightly around herself, keeping some sort of warmth in her. I didn't know what to think.

"Blake!" I shouted, she turned to me.

"What?"

"I got suspended from college for 3 weeks because I bust his ass..." I said with a smile. I could see a faint smile playing on her face.

"Dude...3 weeks, huh?"

"Yep..." She looked at the ground apprehensively before running over and grabbing my hand and pulling me along.

"What? I thought you hated me!" I laughed.

"I still kind of do, but right now I'm also in love with you for 'busting his ass.'" She said. I let out a cold breath, thankful that she didn't hate me, but I was struggling to keep the fury that had emerged from braking through...What sort of dick does that? Next time I saw Bert I was going to kill him...

_**Yeah!**_

Well let's go back to the middle of the day that starts it all  
I can't begin to let you know just what I'm feeling  
And now the red ones make me fly  
And the blue ones help me fall  
And I think I'll blow my brains against the ceiling  
And as the fragments of my skull begin to fall  
Fall on your tongue like pixie dust just think happy thoughts

_**[Chorus]**__**  
And we'll fly home  
We'll fly home  
You and I  
We'll fly home**_

Come on!

Well now I'm back in the middle of the day that starts it all.  
I can't begin to let you know just what I'm feeling.  
And now these red ones make me fly,  
And the blue ones help me fall.  
And I think I'll blow my brains against the ceiling.

_**[Chorus]**__**  
And we'll fly home,  
You and I,  
We'll fly home.**_

Now honestly that's what I said to her, what I said to her

Think happy thoughts _**[x8]**__**  
Think ha... wooo!**_

**BLAKE**

It's a nice feeling being able to forgive, but keeping a grudge is just as good. Just the thought of Bert talking about me like that was sickening me to the stomach, I grinded my teeth with disgust. How many people had he told? What else did he say? I was starting to wish I had listened to Gee... Oh god...Jesus fucking Christ- This whole thing was confusing me. I couldn't help the fact that I liked Gee, could I? I mean...It was just one of those things; we were to alike. We liked the same things, did the same things, drank, ate, danced to, hated and laughed at the same things! A little creepy...I know.

"I'm sorry..." Gee said again as we walked down the street to the mall.  
"Look, it's okay..." I muttered, watching folk walk in and out of the giant dome. Soon as we entered I looked around desperately, tying to find a Starbucks. It's not hard though, I mean finding Starbucks in America is like finding...Coke In A Coca Cola factory! Yep. That was one random sentence. I sat down with my latte and watched Gee slurp down his Americano.

"I like the way you drink all your coffee at once." I said all of the sudden, only realising what I had said when I had said it.

"O—kay..." Gee said with a small, adorable smile. He didn't get it.

"You know those girl Bob and Ray hooked up with at the party?" Gerard asked, I nodded swiftly, taking another drink of my latte.

"Well, looks like BOTH of them are going out with them..." Gerard smiled, looking down at his phone as he texted something.

"What? They both have girlfriends? Dude you must feel bad..." I laughed, put my hand on his arm.

"Why?"

"Because you don't. Infact you're the only one left without one..." I smiled wickedly. He rolled his eyes,

"You're starting to sound like my brother, anyway- You don't have one do you?" He giggled.

"And you're starting to sound a lot like my mom..." I muttered. I hadn't spoken to her in...well since she had moved.

"Okay... duck." Gerard said under his breath, staring of behind me.

"What?" I asked looking where he was to see Bert...and Aaron?

"Just duck..." Gerard said commandingly. I didn't. The fact Bert had lied about me was enough...but know he's hanging around with fucking Aaron? I got up and shot a sweet smile towards Gee, meaning watch this, before walking over to Bert.

"Hey!" He said giving me a hug. Aaron stared between us confused.

"This is Aaron, Aaron this is Blake..."

"Yeah, I know him...He's the guy who makes my life hell at school." I smiled bitterly to Aaron. Bert shot Aaron an awkward look.

"So what where you talking about?" I asked.

"Just...that..." Bert looked down.

"Oh he was telling me about a chick he scored on Sunday..." Aaron said bitterly.

"Oh really? Was he? Because... I remember that me and you spent most of the day together... And we most certainly didn't do anything, did we?" I said, my jaw locking my eyes deep into his.

"Didn't you?" I heard Aaron laugh.

"But what do I know? I mean...I was just there!" I said flailing my arms around wildly, they both watched me.

"You...well you're an ass." I directed toward Aaron.

"And you...well you're a filthy, liar." I said, before slapping him as hard as a I could. A red hand print appeared on his cheek, he mouth opened wide.

"We're done." I chocked out before turning and walking back to Gerard, who was standing with a massive smile on his face, holding our two coffee in take out cups.

"You read my mind." I said, taking it from him.

"C'mon, let's go before steam starts busting out of his ears..." He said, linking arms with me and directing me toward the nearest comic book store.

_**Sorry, thiss was a short- Filler chapter, really. I just wanted to sort some stuff out and all. Sorry it took me so long, I wrote a chapter then deleted it because it made Blake sound like a bitch and Aaron sound...almost charming... SO IT HAD TO GO**_

_**You Put The Hate In My Heart**_

_**xo**_


	14. Demolition Lovers

"And guess what she did after that?" Gerard said laughing hysterically. I hid my face in embarrassment.

"She slapped him!" He exclaimed. The others roared with laughter. I shot Alicia a look, but she kept on laughing, sticking her tongue out.

"Isn't this supposed to be a band practise? I mean...I know Christa and Kaitlin want to see you play!" I said firmly smiling towards Bob and Rays new girlfriends. They were actually real nice...

"I suppose..." Ray mumbled picking up his guitar.

"Thank you!" I smiled, still blushing from embarrassment.

"Aww, honey you're bright red!" Gee smiled- still lauging.

"Don't honey me, Gerard Arthur Way!" I said.

"Arr, you're just jealous because people ARE GOING to pay to listen to us." He smiled, picking up the mic.

"Deaf people don't count." I said sourly, sitting on a chair and getting ready to watch them. Gee rolled his eyes before smiling.

"I think this one is going to be Demolition Lovers..." A soft melody from Franks guitar hit me first. This was not what I expected from the boys, but it was utterly amazing. Then Gerard started singing.

"_**Hand in mine, into your icy blues  
And then I'd say to you we could take to the highway  
With this trunk of ammunition too  
I'd end my days with you in a hail of bullets**_

I'm trying, I'm trying  
To let you know just how much you mean to me  
And after all the things we put each other through and

I would drive on to the end with you  
A liquor store or two keeps the gas tank full  
And I feel like there's nothing left to do  
But prove myself to you and we'll keep it running

But this time, I mean it  
I'll let you know just how much you mean to me  
As snow falls on desert sky  
Until the end of everything  
I'm trying, I'm trying  
To let you know how much you mean  
As days fade, and nights grow  
And we go cold

Until the end, until this pool of blood  
Until this, I mean this, I mean this  
Until the end of...

I'm trying, I'm trying  
To let you know how much you mean  
As days fade, and nights grow  
And we go cold

But this time, we'll show them  
We'll show them all how much we mean  
As snow falls on desert sky  
Until the end of every...

All we are, all we are  
Is bullets I mean this

As lead rains, will pass on through our phantoms  
Forever, forever  
Like scarecrows that fuel this flame we're burning  
Forever, and ever  
Know how much I want to show you you're the only one  
Like a bed of roses there's a dozen reasons in this gun

And as we're falling down, and in this pool of blood  
And as we're touching hands, and as we're falling down  
And in this pool of blood, and as we're falling down  
I'll see your eyes, and in this pool of blood  
I'll meet your eyes, I mean this forever"

Christa, Kaitlin and I sat there in shock at what we had just heard, whilst Alicia smiled smugly.

"So what did you think?" All the sudden Gee turned shy; looking down, slightly red.

"It was beautiful..." I said in the midst of Christa and Kaitlin's appraises.

"Really?" Gerard asked.

"Really, really." I said sternly.

"Bull-shitter, I went off on the bridge!" Ray exclaimed.

"And I almost missed the whole of the intro!" Mikey laughed.

"SHUT IT! IT WAS AMAZING!" I told them.

"It was wasn't it..." Bob said, a faint smile on his face. I looked back to Gee.

"It really was."

"And that brings us onto the good news!" Mikey exclaimed, whilst hugging Alicia... I watched them carefully.

"Well, we have like 15 gigs lined up." Ray told us.

"That's great!" I said enthusiastically.

"Okay, less chitter, chatte we have a band practise going on, you know?!" Mikey laughed. I sat back in my chair and listened to them play, a firm smile stuck onto my face as Gerard ran around- Jumping onto Bobs drums and screaming viciously into the mic, Frank seemed to spit a lot...but he was incredible to watch- Mikey spun around on his heels, Ray rather amusingly head banged; his 'fro shaking above him. I noticed Bob watching me from his drums, I gave him a little wink before taking out a cig and lighting it.

**5 WEEKS LATER------------------**

**GERARD**

Nerves fired through me. I jumped up and down, trying to psych myself up.

"Okay, good luck! I'm going to go and get into the mosh!" I heard Blake say to Mikey. She gave the others a quick hug before coming to me.

"You're going to do great!" I told me, I wanted to believe her, but I was way to freaked out to.

"There is a scout!" I exclaimed.

"Yeah, there is and he's going to love you!" She said, giving me a hug. I hugged her back, my hands around her back tightly, after a couple seconds she let go and smiled again.

"Just be yourself..." I nodded as I watched her leave us to go to the mosh. This was...maybe our, 20th show? Yeah...I think so. Anyways, it was our 20th show and there was a scout out in the audience. There was actually 3 of them. I didn't help that I was of my face, either.

"High fives!" Mikey said as we carried out of ritual of high fiving before shows. Mikey took this very seriously. As they called our name I could feel a cold sweat rise up my back. I ran on, my masses of black hair almost blinding me.

"We're My Chemical Fucking Romance!" I screamed. The crowd cried back, I could almost hear Blake's voice screaming along.

"So we're gonna open by playing a pretty little song by The name of Demolition Lovers." My eyes went back to the others who started to brace themselves for the into.

"And I'm dedicating it to a very special friend of mine who is in the audience..." I said, eyes connecting with the amused looking Blake.

"_**Hand in mine..."**_

_**SORRY THIS IS SO SHORT! I kind of wanted to get the ball rolling on the whole MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE aspect in this story! I love you guys! Hope you enjoyed!**_


	15. Hopeless Romantic

_**Sorry that I haven't uploaded all week. I've been going through a 'crisis' because my BF has done one of his notorious bunkers and isn't back yet, but today I was just like...'Fuck it, Fuck him. If he's going to be all bratty I'll let him. I have fanfiction to be writing!' So here you go:**_

I rested my head on Gees chest. It fell steadily. The TV was still humming along, but our minds had become blank and unable to keep up with it. I let out a yawn, pulling the blankets over me and trying to get comfortable on the couch. My eyes ended up fixed on Gerard's surreal face. I wanted him so much. I wanted him more than you or I could comprehend. I wanted him so...so...much. How could I tell him though? He was my best friend! So I deprived myself to brief moments of touching and smiles. My head felt very heavy now. So did my eyes. So heavy...that I might have just fallen asleep...

_**9 months later *insert theatrical Oohs!***_

I briefly scanned through the mail...Gerard's...Gerard's...Bills...Gerard's...Gerard's...Ooh! Finally there was a letter with my name on! Printed neatly on the white envelop, next to my name was the SVA logo. My throat went dry- this was my results. If I had got in or not... I slowly started to open it, now leant against the wall. My eyes scanned along the note _**'Dear Blake Reed, We are happy to inform you that your request to join the School Of Visual Arts in Newyork has been accepted...' **_Oh my god...

"Gee!" I literally screamed. Gerard's face popped from around the door, his body hidden behind it in the living room.

"What?" He asked sorely; he must have still been suffering from a hang over.

"I got in! I GOT IN!" I screamed, waving the letter around manically. He came and read through the letter, a sure smile perched on his lips.

"I knew you would..." He said, still reading it before giving me a hug, "You deserve it, I'm so happy for you!" He said, beaming.

"I'm going to the SVA! THE SVA!" I said jumping around.

"It's just a shame this is my final year..." Gee said sourly.

"I know! It would have been amazing if we could have went together!" I said, still jumping around.

"Blake! Stop! Jumping!" Gee said, his arms firmly on my shoulder. Did he know? Could he feel the shivers creeping through my flesh and bones as he did that?

"I need to tell the others!" I said, lunging away from him and to the phone.

"And I'll go make some coffee..." Gee mumbled... I raised an eyebrow wondering what had brought his sudden change of mood on...

"Hey, Mikey!" I literally shouted down the phone...

"Blakkee..."

-------------------that night-----------------------------

The guys and I went out in celebration. When I say went out, I mean going to the local, cheapest, grimiest dinner and drinking god awful coffee and eating veggie burgers.

"Eww get a room!" I moaned, whilst looking over my coffee to Frank and Jamia who were almost groping each other...

"Baby, you're just jealous!" Frank laughed, I felt myself blush.

"Yeah honey, I want you..." I said, raising my eyebrow.

"and now I'm going to go throw up..." Ray muttered. I just laughed. My stomach was still twisting around inside, I felt like I was going to throw up... My cheeks were warm and red...

"Blake are you okay? You don't look to good..." Christa said, her eyebrows hitched up in a state of worry.

"Yeah...I just feel a little bit, queasy." I smiled, looking down at my fries.

"Where the hell is that waitress with our ice cream?" Bob said, looking around.

"Probably in the kitchen spitting on it..." Gee smirked.

"And know I want to throw up... again..." Ray laughed, grabbing a bunch of my fries and stuffing them into his mouth. My eyes kept flickering open and shut. I must have eaten a bad burger... The waitress ran out of the kitchen with our ice cream...

"Here is your ice cream kids..." The waitress said, I smiled gratefully as she handed me, my tiramisu icecream.

"Thanks..."

"You're welcome sugar..." She said brightly before turning away.

"Guys do you want my ice cream? I don't think I'll be able to handle it..." I puffed.

"You sure?" Bob asked with a cheeky smile...I pushed it towards him:

"Go to town on it, serious..." Without another word he began demolishing it.

"I can't believe you can eat so much..." Jamia said from over her ice cream with a smile.

"I can't believe you're so gay!" Bob retorted.

"Ahuh...yep, that made sense...any whoo..." Gee laughed "I think us guys have something to tell you..." He said instantly becoming a little worried as he looked around the table.

"What, tell them...now?" Frank asked.

"What?" I asked.

"Nothing..." Mikey said from over the table.

"C'mon we need to tell them and we only have 2 week left guys!" Gee exclaimed to the suddenly pale looking boys who were smiling sheepishly at their girlfriends. My eyes grazed into Gees... willing him to just tell me.

"Look- Brian hooked us up with a tour and we set of in 2 weeks. I know it's short notice, but it's a real tour and we think it's going to be our break..." Ray said shakily.

"What? For how long? Where?" I heard Alicia ask Mikey.

"God knows where and god knows how long..." I felt my hand rise to my mouth and sick threatened in the back of my throat. I wasn't sure if it was the dodgy food, shocking news or the subbies I had taken, but I knew I was going to hurl. I mumbled some excuse as I ran to the bathroom, pushing my way into a cubicle and threw up all over my shoes, the floor and the toilette seat.

**GERARD**

We all watched as she ran off, hand covering mouth, almost tripping over our legs. I stared a second longer as she disappeared through the toilette doors...

"I'm going to make sure she doesn't...yeah..." I didn't know how to end it so I just got up and ran after her, apprehensively entering the female toilette, hoping I wasn't going to get killed for it. Luckily she was the only one in there. I found her flung over a toilette seat, sick everywhere and the cubicle door open. I tiptoed around the sick so I was behind her and pulled her hair back from her face as she was sick, rubbing her back with my other hand. I don't know what she had been 'doing' but she was just throwing up- I know it makes me sound like a pansy, but it was grossing me out a lot. Eventually she turned away from the toilette, mouth closed and a sweat on her brow. I handed her a piece of toilette paper which she wiped her mouth with.

"You okay?" I asked stupidly. She nodded, looking around at the grimy cubicle, I looked down to her ruined shoes.

"Blake..."I said, signalling down to her shoes. She sighed and pulled them of before throwing them across the floor.

"So you're leaving...to go on tour..." She said, her eyes now on mine.

"Yeah...I am." I nodded, I could see tears threatening to break through her eyes, she wiped them away. I was having to do the same.

"I'm going to miss you..." She mumbled. I couldn't help but feel touched that hard ass Blake had admitted that to me.

"I'm going to miss you too." I said pulling her into a hug.

"You better ring me every day! And...text and email! Don't forget twitter!" She told me.

"Of course!" I smiled. Shed looked at the sick covered floor of the cubicle.

"Oh damn...I'm going to have to walk out of here with no shoes on..."

"No you won't." I lifted her up in a marital style and proceeded out of the 'can'. She squirmed in my arms, giggling. As we neared our table I flung some money on it to cover our bill.

"Sorry, I'm gonna have to take her home..." I smiled. They didn't seem to mind so much so next thing I know, I'm driving back to the house wondering how the hell I'm going to live without Blake.

**BLAKE**

I lay on the couch, upside down, watching Gerard pack his things. So many emotions were ripping through me and coursing through my veins; I felt like I was going to explode into a thousand little, gooey, oozing pieces. It was strange how much could change in a couple of hours. Before I had been so happy, I had SVA, my friends...Gee. Now. Well, I have the SVA and some of my friends left, but Mikey, Frank, Bob, Ray and Gee were going and probably were going to forget me is a that creepy looking girl who got them drugs.

"Please remember me." I said, still upside down to Gee. He glanced at me.

"Of course I will silly..." He smiled whilst packing all of his makeup away.

"I'm serious Gerard. Please don't forget me." I said sitting up. He halted and came and sat by me, a puzzled expression on his face.

"How could I ever forget about you?" He smiled, his thumb gently rubbing over my cheek.

"Very easily..." I answered his rhetorical question.

"Blake... I hate to admit this, but you're the closest person I've got to me in world; even closer than my mom!" He laughed, I giggled too. "I'm never going to forget about my mom... So how can I forget about you; my creepy, beautiful, clever, interesting, completely insane, best friend?" He asked. I couldn't answer that, so I just perched my head in the crook of his neck.

"I'm thinking--- That it's going to be the other way round honey. You're going to become the big artist and I'm going to be a nobody." He told me sternly. I couldn't help but laugh.

"No way! You'll never be a nobody! You've got a WAY to tight ass, for that!" I smiled.

"Well..." He said with a flash of a grin.

"Now go pack! I command thee!" I ordered before sitting back upside down. Actually, it was funny how much could change in 12 months. 12 little months of my life; I'd turned 18, I'd got into the SVA, I'd lost my old family, Gained a new one, gained friends and found...Gerard. I couldn't complain could I? I had them... and that was more than I had ever had growing up.

_**I don't know what other people see  
or what they think is love  
But i know what it means to me  
I fall in love so easily  
And it's hard to let your guard down  
Something you never wanted to  
I gave you my love and if you turned away  
I guess i'd be screwed, but...**_

I'm a hopeless romantic  
You're just hopeless

Beer and wine does me fine but  
it doesn't always do  
When i get back up and dust off  
I always come back to you.  
I'm my own man with my own plan  
I can't do the things you want me to  
I'm kinda lazy and i kinda stink  
But i'll clean myself up for you

_**I know I said this chapter would be longer, but it turned out the way I wanted to set this out- meant this had to be short too, BUT I MEAAAN THIS when I say the next one (which I'm half way through) will be MUUUCCHHHH longer!**_

_**You Put The Hate In My Heart**_


	16. Carved Hearts Are So Temporary

_**I'm sorry this took me so long to update; I had one ready to upload on the 27**__**th**__**, it was 6,000 words long and took me around 10 hours to get perfect for you guys- obviously my computer felt the need to kill it. I then cried for about half an hour and then I started typing again, still sobbing and Listening to (Hayley Williams- Teenagers) I also want you guys, because I know you're all open minded, amazing people; to check out a band called Renfue. You WILL like 'em.**_

_**This chapter is dedicated to Bob Bryar. I'm sure all of you know that he and MCR have parted ways. It took me about...3 days to process this- but I did...(along with a lot of crying) I hope Bob has the best of futures and I can only wish serendipity upon him. He helped me turn my life around and I will always be grateful toward him for that.**_

_**Thank you Bobby.**_

So it's the last day of school. Tomorrow I'd be moving into student accommodation and, well they guys would be going on tour.

"Thanks for giving me a lift to school..." I said, kissing Gee on his cheek.

"It's okay...just have a good last day."

"Oh, I will..." I smiled, picking up my bag which was filled with vodka and whiskey. Obviously, he didn't know that. I closed the door and walked into the school. I looked around at people running past me, in a hurry- Kids laughing and throwing balls. I took a breath in. I hated to admit it, but I was going to miss this place.

_**Gonna go on living like I never met you  
And it'll feel wrong at first but I think I can forget you  
Ignore the fact that we sleep no more than three feet apart  
I feel you now, you're all around me, underneath me  
You're all around me, underneath me**_

Well how was I to know  
That what we carved in stone  
Would be so temporary  
Well how was I to know  
That my first crack at love  
Would not be the last  
Won't be the last

It's in the air now, bitter tears and broken hearts  
We're teenagers, we count the years, we think we're smart  
But we're not, we don't know anything

So don't ask me where I'll go  
'Cause frankly I don't know  
And I don't give a shit  
Why must we all make sense  
And I just won't make sense  
For once I'm just gonna live  
I'm just gonna live

Teenagers, we don't know anything  
Teenagers, we don't know anything, oh

Well how was I to know  
That what we carved in stone  
Would be so temporary  
Why must we all make sense  
And I just won't make sense  
For once I'm just gonna live  
I'm just gonna live 

I sat in the classroom, breathing deeply in. The moist air burned my lungs and clung to them. I looked down at my phone:

**Congratulations x **it was from my mom. What was I supposed to do? Was I supposed to ring her and have a merry convocation? Ignore her? It had been a year since I had last spoke to her... A whole fucking year! I felt my finger slip onto the call back button and without knowing my phone was ringing.

"Hello?" I heard he say. I stopped, chocking.

"Mom?" I asked.

"Oh darling! You rang! I've missed you so much!" She exclaimed. What was I supposed to say?

"Blake? Are you there?" She asked after a couple seconds of silence.

"Yeah, I am mom. I've missed you too." I hadn't. Not one bit.

"I'm so glad you've rung up! Have you heard anything from your father?" She asked.

"No..." I looked out of the window and that's when I gave up on listening to her when I saw him. Him being my ex.

"Mom...I have to go." I said before hanging up. He was back. He was fucking back... He. Was. In New Jersey. Sorry, you have no idea what I'm talking about. Jason (my ex) and I broke up 5 months before I met Gee, when his parents moved him out of the state. I knocked on the window, he heard it and looked up. I smiled to him mouthed 'wait there' I ran out of the classroom, out of the school and ran so I was just a foot away from him. I stared at him in shock.

"You're back." I said dryly.

"Yeah..." He smiled, awkwardly.

"Oh god..." I said, dumb founded.

"Gimme a hug, silly!" He exclaimed. I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him close to me.

"When did you get back?" I asked.

"Just today..."

"Blake!" I heard Mikey shout from the school's entrance.

"Oh, you gotta meat my friends!" I told him, pulling him behind me to Mikey and Frank.

"Jason this is Mikey and Frank, Guys this is Jason." I smiled, pointing between them. They all mumbled 'hey's and 'nice to meet yous' between each other awkwardly.

"Jason and I have been friends, since we were like...three?" I laughed.

"Yepp, it was a sandbox romance..." Jason giggled. I blushed fiercely.

"Romance?" Frankie asked.

"Oh, we used to go out..." I mumbled.

"Actually, I was around here to ask you if you'd like to ditch and get something to eat with me?" He asked. I bit my lip. It was my last day and there was a lot of stuff I needed to do...but...

**FRANKIE**

**--------------lunch-----------------------**

Gee was not going to be happy that Blake's ex was back on the scene just as he goes on tour. You could see how upset Blake had looked when she denied going and skipping with him.

"So...Jason?" Mikey mumbled as we took our seats at our usual table in the hall.

"Yepp...Jason and?"

"Nothing...Nothing!" Mikey smiled sheepishly.

"No seriously, just get all the puns out!" She said.

"No seriously, no puns intended."

"Good." She took a bite into her burger, I literally wanted to throw up as she did.

"What's the chance of you ever giving up meat?" I asked.

"Well, it's about as likely as your balls dropping, honey." She giggled. I went bright red.

"Speaking of that..." Aaron laughed from the table behind us.

"Shut up, dick face- No one gives a shit about you." I spat at him, before turning back to the shocked looking guys.

"Woah... Who's a bit touchy today, huh?" Blake laughed, taking another bite of the dead animal...

"Sorry...It's just my parents and Jamia have been up in my grill about the tour..." I sighed.

"Me too- Alicias been so off ever since we told them..." Mikey moaned.

"Well, at least you're going on tour! I have to go to college and work some more!" Blake said.

"Fair point..."

"Any way, I've got you guys some special treats..." She smiled.

"Treats?"

"Yeah...gimme a second." She looked around quickly before pulling out a bottle of vodka from her bag and handing it to Mikey under the table.

"You're so thoughtful..." Mikey smiled, putting it in his bag. My phone started to play Kids and Hereos loudly. I picked to up, holding it to my ear.

"Hello?" I asked glumly.

"Hey honey! It's Jamia! Tell the others to be at Bobs by 10 tonight. We're having a goodbye sleepover." She said before hanging up. Don't you hate when people hang up without saying goodbye?

"Sleepover at Bobs tonight..."

-----------THAT NIGHT-------------------

**BLAKE**

Soon as I entered Bobs, I could hear screaming.

"BLLAAKKE HELP ME!" Gee screamed as Bob pinned him down on the floor tickling him. Everyone else (Frank, Mikey, Ray, Christa, Alicia, Jamia and Kaitlin) sat laughing hysterically at him. I sighed and pulled Bob of him.

"I can't leave you alone for a second with out you getting ass raped now, can I?" I giggled, pulling him up.

"You're the man in this relationship, aren't you?" He smiled sheepishly.

"Okay... Movie and Pizza time!" Christa announced, pulling out Hellraiser 3.

"Okay, but first let me go get changed into my PJS!" I announced, noticing that they all seemed to be in theirs. I ran upstairs, to the bathroom and quickly got changed into my Red Skelanimal PJS top and black skeleton bottoms. When I got back downstairs they were all either curled up on the couch on perched on the ground, watching the TV in horror.

"Hey! You started without me!" I giggled, taking a piece of pizza and sitting next to Gee on the couch.

"SSHHH!" They all glared at me. I just giggled again and snuggled next to Gee, who wrapped one of his arms around making me want to faint. Next thing I know, he's leaned forward and stole a bite of my pizza.

"Thief!" I declared.

"SSHH!" The all said to me again. Gee and I burst out laughing at that point.

"JESUS CHRIST, WE'RE TRYING TO WATCH A MOVIE!" Alicia exclaimed making us laugh harder.

_**Seemed to stop my breath  
My head on your chest  
Waiting to cave in  
From the bottom of my...  
Hear your voice again  
Could we dim the sun  
And wonder where we've been  
Maybe you and me  
So kiss me like you did  
My heart stopped beating  
Such a softer sin...**_

(I'm melting, Im melting)  
In your eyes  
I lost my place  
Could stay a while

And I'm melting  
In your eyes  
Like my first time  
That I caught fire  
Just stay with me  
Lay with me  
Now

Never caught my breath  
Every second I'm without you I'm a mess  
Ever know each other  
Trust these words are stones  
Why cuts aren't healing  
(why cuts aren't healing)  
Learning how to love

I'm melting (I'm melting)  
In your eyes  
I lost my place  
Could stay a while  
And I'm melting  
In your eyes  
Like my first time  
That I caught fire  
Just stay with me  
Lay with me  
(Stay with me lay with me now)

You could stay and watch me fall  
And of course I'll ask for help  
Just stay with me now  
We could take our heads off  
stay in bed and just make love that's all  
(stay in bed, just make love that's all)  
Just stay with me now

I'm melting (I'm melting)  
In your eyes  
I lost my place  
Could stay a while  
and I'm melting

In your eyes  
Like my first time  
That I caught fire  
Just stay with me  
Lay with me  
In your eyes  
I lost my place  
Could stay a while  
and I'm melting  
In your eyes  
Like my first time  
That I caught fire  
Just stay with me lay with me  
(Stay with me, lay with me)

In your eyes  
Let's sleep till the sun burns out  
I'm melting in your eyes (I'm melting in your eyes)  
In your eyes  
Let's sleep till the sun burns out  
I'm melting in your eyes

Soon the movie was over and the others seemed relatively freaked out...

"I now have an excuse to be crap at puzzled..." Kaitlin said, taking a bite of pizza.

"That's what you got out of the movie?" I said, raising an eyebrow.

"Yep and Pinhead looks like a pedo..."Christa said glumly, hiding her face behind a pillow.

"Haha- You're boyfriend does to!" I laughed, Ray threw a pillow at me with an un-satisfied grunt.

"And what about that Jason friend of yours?" Mikey laughed.

"Jason?" Gee asked curiously.

"Aww, look he's getting jealous!" Frankie mused, making Gee go red.

"Jason a friend that just moved back in state today..." I explained.

"Who happened to be her first looovee." Frankie said giggling. I shot him a look, making him shut up.

"So do you still like him?" Gee asked.

"Can we drop the convocation?" I asked.

"Yeah, whatever..." Gee said with a wink.

"You're an asshole, you know that?" I laughed.

"Okay...why don't we play 7 minutes in heaven?" Lic said, her arms wrapped around Mikey.

"Ooh, I'm in." Mikey smiled.

"So am I!" Christa said, eventually everyone was up for it so Bob went and got a bottle and we crowded around it in a circle. Bob turned it once and the cap ended of Ray, he did it again and it landed on Alicia.

"See you in 7 minutes, baby." Alicia purred to Mikey before going to the closet at the end on the room, followed by Ray.

"You better not get to cosy in there!" Christa told him sternly. Needless to say afte 7 minuted we found Alicia platting Rays hair. Next up was Mikey and Bob- once again, we didn't find anything to scandalous.

"This is lame..." I moaned.

"Well what did you expect?" Bob asked as we circled around the bottle again. He turned it, it spun around powerfully, the colours of it melting into one until it stopped on me. I breathed in shallowly. It turned again. I crossed my finger, hoping it was going to be him... It stopped on someone. I looked up to see Gerards smiling face.

"C'mon Baby..." He said, pulling at my hand with a giggle. When we got in the closet we sort of sat their for a couple of minutes, awkwardly. Unsure of what to do. Just do it... That's all I could think of. Just do what you've been waiting 9 months to do. Just do it... I leaned forward, so my lips brushed against his cheek.

"Y'know...the way I was taught to play this; it was considered rude if you didn't...well..." I trailed of, biting my lip. Yep I know; I'm a tease. Gees mouth opened, his eyes wide...he craned his neck so he was hanging slightly ovder me, his body shifting closer to me.

"Well...we wouldn't want to be rude, would we?" He said with a smirk. I felt his body lean against mine in anticipation. I leaned forward, letting our lips brush gently together. He pulled back.

"If we're going to do this- I'm going on top because I'm not having you role of and burst out laughing again..." He giggled, his lips then moving back on mine. Oh my god this was happening. This was actually happening. I felt my hand pull at his neck- pulling his body mine, letting out a satisfied moan as his lips started to trail down onto my collar bone,r paying particular attention to it. I felt my arms moved onto his back, grabbing it him- willing him closer. His hips steadily grinding against mine, making my eyes flutter in passion. I wrapped my legs around his back his shoulder pulling back. Could I tell him? Could I tell him that I was in love with him?

"Babe..." I moaned as his hands strongly rubbed against my hips, making my skin tingle.

"Did you hear that?" I heard Christa asked...

"Yeah...I think I did..." Bob said quietly from outside the door. I ignored them- my hands flicking at the hem of Gees shirt.

"Maybe we should check...if there...y'know..."

"But it's not 7 minutes!" Bob said sternly.

"Bob, do you want them to make Babies in your closet?" without another word the door was thrust open, light flooding in painfully, making me squint.

"I was right!" Mikey exclaimed smugly...

"Oh my god..." Lic said in shock. Silence...

"Okay- off- Now!" Mikey said sternly to Gee. Gee pulled from our kisses for a second.

"Gimme a second..." He mumbled, his lips back on mine. Mikey sighed and pulled Gee of me, polinking him on the floor. I smiled sheepishly and got up and straightened myself up and sat next to Gee again, taking a bottle of vodka and taking a deep swig of it.

"We can always blame the liquor."

--------------The next morning---------------

_**Well I was there on the day  
They sold the cause for the queen,  
And when the lights all went out  
We watched our lives on the screen.  
I hate the ending myself,  
But it started with an alright scene.**_

It was the roar of the crowd  
That gave me heartache to sing.  
It was a lie when they smiled  
And said, "you won't feel a thing"  
And as we ran from the cops  
We laughed so hard it would sting

Yeah yeah, oh

If I'm so wrong (so wrong, so wrong)  
How can you listen all night long? (night long, night long)  
Now will it matter after I'm gone?  
Because you never learn a goddamned thing.

You're just a sad song with nothing to say  
About a life long wait for a hospital stay  
And if you think that I'm wrong,  
This never meant nothing to ya

I spent my high school career  
Spit on and shoved to agree  
So I could watch all my heroes  
Sell a car on tv  
Bring out the old guillotine  
We'll show 'em what we all mean.

Yeah yeah, oh

If I'm so wrong (so wrong, so wrong)  
How can you listen all night long? (night long, night long)  
Now will it matter long after I'm gone?  
Because you never learn a goddamned thing.

You're just a sad song with nothing to say  
About a life long wait for a hospital stay  
And if you think that I'm wrong,  
This never meant nothing to ya

So go, go away, just go, run away.  
But where did you run to? And where did you hide?  
Go find another way, price you pay

Woah, Woah, Woah, Woah, Woah, Woah

You're just a sad song with nothing to say  
About a life long wait for a hospital stay  
And if you think that I'm wrong,  
This never meant nothing to ya, come on

You're just a sad song with nothing to say  
About a life long wait for a hospital stay  
And if you think that I'm wrong,  
This never meant nothing to ya

At all, at all, at all, at all

I sat grimly awaiting Bobs crude call to wake me up- to face another day. My eyes were open, groggily and sleepily and my mind was blank to the perturb of the day ahead. 5...4...3...2...1...

"Bllaaakkke! Get up!" Bob called. I moaned, but didn't get up from the coach. After a couple of seconds Bob called again. I didn't do anything, with a sigh he came and sat next to me.

"What's wrong?" He asked sweetly.

"I don't want you to go..." I moaned, pulling him into a hug.

"Baby- you'll see us all the time..." He smiled, before pulling me up.

"I have to go and get changed- get yourself some coffee..." Bo told me before walking out of the room.

"Heeyyy!" Gee said over enthusiastically for a morning. My eyes settled on his topless body, making me blush as he yawned.

"I'm going t go get some Starbucks, you want me to bring you some back?" He asked.

"Oooh, yeah!" I smiled. He leaned forward and kissed me head before running of.

"Dirty!" I laughed as he ran off, blushing really hard. I sat back down on the couch, breathing out steadily.

"You love him don't you?" I heard someone say. I looked up to see Alicia sitting on the opposite couch watching me carefully.

"I thought you were asleep!" I laughed trying to avoid the question.

"Blake..."

"Yes...Okay!" I said, staring down at her. She smiled smugly.

"I knew it."

-------later on that day-------

Everything was packed, a cab was waiting for me and I was hugging the guys.

"You guys look after yourself..." I said to them.

"We will..." Mikey said. I stared awkwardly at Gee.

"Hey, why don't we take Blakes boxes out to the cab..." Lic said picking up a box, the others doing so except for Gee and walking out of the living room outside to the cab. Good old Lic, always knowing how to make something painfully obvious.

"I'm going to miss you..." I said, hugging him again.

"Me too..." He muffled into my hair. I pulled away, staring soberly at him. Our eyes connected. He leaned forward, so our lips gently burshed together, rubbing against each others. My hands tied around his back.

"C'mon Blake!" Mikey shouted from outside. I pulled away.

"What did that mean?" I asked confused.

"That I'm reaaallly, going to miss you..."

"BLAAKKE! HURRY THE FUCK UP!" Mikey shouted. I held my breath in, taking Gees hand and lead him to the cab. I hugged them all...aaaggaain, before getting into the car.

"Okay- girls you better ring me soon because we need to go shopping and... Guys- look after yourselves, okay?" I smiled, wiping away tears.

"We will!" Bob called.

"Don't forget us!" Frank laughed as the cab started. In the mist of goodbyes, I swear I heard Gee wave and utter the words:

"I love you Blake..."

When we eventually got to Halls (2 hours later) the taxi driver kindly helped me bring all my boxes up into my room. As he left I looked around the apartment. No one else was here so I figured I may as well pick my room out of the two. Obviously the biggest one. After lugging all my boxes into my room, I sat on my makeshift bed, looking around my new home. My answer phone bleeped its first message: I sighed and played it.

"_**Hey! It's Gee- and those asses you know as your friends..." Gee laughed.**_

"_**HEELLOOO BLLAAKKE!" Frank cried out in the background.**_

"_**Any whoo...You've been gone around half an hour and Brian's here with our bus so...we're officially on tour! I just thoughts I'd call to say well...good bye. I'm really going to miss you." Gee said softly.**_

"_**He's crying!" Mikey said laughing his head of.**_

"_**Oh shut up!" Gee said defnesivly.**_

"_**We have to go, ring the other- love you, bye!"**_

I chocked as the message ended. I had a brand new life. I was just going to have to make the most of it. The doorbell rung. I got up and opened it sorely to see Jason holding a couple of boxes.

"Blake, what are you doing here?" He asked confused.

"I live here..." There was a silence.

"Oh well- seems like we're flatmates!" He said, pushing his way inside. My jaw dropped in shock. Oh my god...

_**I'm caught dancing with a liar  
you said you could never behave  
I thought you could take me higher  
I know things will never ever change**_

Will you walk with me through this  
will you talk to me through this  
cause I love you but I hate you  
I want you but I don't so it's over

Across the room, across the room  
fevered this love affair  
across the room, across the room  
my heart is

I'm caught, you're caught, we're caught  
Dancing with a liar  
I'm caught, you're caught, we're caught  
dancing

Tangled feelings of knowing you  
tell me I could just come clean  
never wanted to fall for you  
this phase I have claimed obscene

Will you walk with me through this  
will you talk to me through this  
cause love you but I hate you  
I want you but I don't so its over

Across the room, across the room  
fevered this love affair  
across the room, across the room  
my heart is all I bare (2x)

I'm caught, you're caught, we're caught, dancing with a liar

Woah(2x)  
Across the room (4x)

I' m caught, you're caught, we're caught  
dancing with a liar  
I'm caught you're caught we're caught  
dancing  
my heart is all I bare (4x)  
(yeah)  
I'm caught you're caught we're caught dancing with a liar


	17. Moving On, Falling Down

_Hey guys! Song of the...fanfic (?) lmao. This chapter is a sort of 'parallel' chapter. It's going to spread cross a lot of time. LIKE...2 years to be exact- actually it might not be 2 years. We'll just see how long I can be bothered to make this chapter._

**Okay: Painting Flowers: All Time Low **

**I Hate My Life- Theory Of A Dead Man. **

**Poppin' Champagne- All Time Low.**

**Remembering Sunday- All Time Low.**

**At Your Funeral – Saves The Day.**

**Freakish-Saves The Day.**

**Empty With You- The Used.**

**Fallen- Death In The Park,**

**Hello Hello- Paramore,**

**Fences- Paramore.**

_**Gerard. I need to talk to you...call me. **_No, that was stupid. So I deleted it. I needed this to be perfect... did I? Why was I still chasing after him...?

"Blake, I'm going to the cinema, wanna join?" Jason asked halting my train of thought.

"No, I need to do some work..." I sighed. It turned out, Jason and I were both going to SVA... and we had been put in the same college accommodation. Yay! Woah, could you feel the sarcasm? I mean- Jason's great; he's been my friend for years, but it was awkward as fuck. It had been around 2 months since the guys had left. The girls had gone out to see them once, but I decided not to go. I would have just been a third wheel. I closed my laptop and fell onto my bed. I was so behind on work it was crippling, but I just couldn't think of anything to inspire me. I closed my eyes. Blackness swarmed around me. Burning me.

**GERARD**

I paced up and down the lane outside our van. My phone tightly in my hand. What was I supposed to say?

"Gerard, c'mon! We're on!" Mikey called. Gigs were a blur, soon this tour would end and we'd go on Warped, we'd write an new album and we'd go on tour with some other bands. That's what I figured. I hadn't seen Blake since we'd left. Sure we'd emailed, texted and talked over the phone, but it wasn't the same. The worst part was, it was awkward. We were tip toeing around our feelings and memories as if they were venom. As I ran on the stage, the crowd jeered.

"Hey motherfuckers!" I said. Of course, that was my usual greeting.

"Here's a pretty little song called mother fucking Cubicles!"

**BLAKE**

---4 months later----

"Coz my hand are steadily reaching for your fingers...

Trying to come up with words that linger...

Tell me how I'm gonna make it to the morning...

When the world is pushing me to the ground." I played numbly at my guitar, I could feel Jasons eyes on me. Burning through my flesh.

"You're amazing." He said simply. My cheek burned from embarrassment. My hands became sweaty, like they used to. I felt my throat go dry.

"And you're a hopeless romantic." I winked, but it didn't feel right; my heart was beating to fast. He smiled sheepishly as his body began to lower over mine, his nose rubbing against mine- our eyes transfixed into each others. It began to feel the same as it did.

"I think we could change that..." His whispered, still looking into my eyes. I wanted to feel bad, but I couldn't.

"Tell me what you're thinking..." He purred softly into my ear making me feel faint. My eyes raised from the pillow on the bed to his again.

"I'm thinking...that I want to kiss you."

"Then do it." I felt my arms gently rub against his chest, raising up to his neck before pulling his lips onto mine. I felt my weight push him back onto the bed; I straddled him, cheekily laughing as I got to know his body again. My hands were sure. It wasn't like before when it was all guessing work; I was more confident now. He seemed to like the way I nibbled at the corner of his ear as I gently massaged his inner thigh.

"Bear..." He giggled. I stopped as I hear my old nickname.

"What's wrong?" He asked, I smiled cheesily.

"You called me bear..." I smiled.

"That's because you're a savage." He laughed before pulling my lips back on his. His hand rode and rubbed up my back as I pulled my top of.

_**When you were here before,  
Couldn't look you in the eye  
You're just like an angel,  
Your skin makes me cry**_

You float like a feather  
In a beautiful world  
I wish I was special  
You're so fuckin' special

But I'm a creep,  
I'm a weirdo  
What the hell am I doin' here?  
I don't belong here

I don't care if it hurts,  
I wanna have control  
I want a perfect body  
I want a perfect soul

I want you to notice  
when I'm not around  
You're so fuckin' special  
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep  
I'm a weirdo  
What the hell am I doin' here?  
I don't belong here, ohhhh, ohhhh

She's running out again  
She's running out  
She run run run run...  
run... run...

Whatever makes you happy  
Whatever you want  
You're so fuckin' special  
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep,  
I'm a weirdo  
What the hell am I doin' here?  
I don't belong here

I don't belong here...

His eyes seemed to skim across me skin, peeling it of like a blade. I breathed out heavily, panting- looking up at the ceiling, the quilts covering me.

"I knew I'd have you again...it was fate." He whispered. My head turned to meet his, my eyes firmly on the bedclothes now. Fate.

I didn't believe in such a thing.

**GERARD**

**----2 days later.--**

"Don't come in!" I shouted as someone knocked at the bathroom door. I looked around panicked; trying to find a towel to mop up the blood dripping down my wrists. I could feel beads of sweat drip down the back of my neck like two racing beetles.

"Gee, I'm coming in! I need to pee!" I heard Frankie say before pulling open the door. I stared up at him and his shocked looking eyes.

"Close the door jackass!" I shout/whispered at him. He closed the door before turning back to me.

"Gerard what the fuck are you doing." He bent down and examined my wounds. I pulled them away from his sight.

"Nothing!" I said jumping up. Humiliated that he had saw me like this.

"Gerard- I thought you were over this!" He exclaimed. I opened the bathroom door to see all the other guys staring at the bathroom door confused, Ray opened his mouth to ask something but I just ignored him and ran out of the hotel room, my scissors in my hand. My cheeks were bright red. I hated him... I looked around dazed at the hall full of people before dodging between them- I ran back to the van and sat myself inside it, my head slumped back. I let out a sharp scream, my fist thumping against the glass. My eyes drifted down to the pills jammed in the back seat pocket. I could almost hear it calling to me. I ran a hand through my hair, before looking around shakily. My breath was so shaky, my eye fluttering- blood dripping down my am. I couldn't cope like this anymore... I let out a sorrowful gulp before pulling my knees up to my chest and slept. When I next woke up, all I knew was the ca was moving. Then that the car was full of people.

"Where the fuck are we?" I asked Mikey who was texting on his phone, he only briefly looked at me before saying:

"We had to pack up and go to the next joint- didn't wanna wake you..." He mumbled something along those lines before looking down to his side kick.

"Well look who's awake" Frank said bitterly, I shot him a look- hoping he hadn't told any of the others, as if he had read my mind he quickly shook his head. I felt myself, sub consciously check that my long sleeves were down- of course they were- they always 'were.'

"Oh my god, guess what Alicia just told me?" Mikey said, looking in my direction.

"What?" I mumbled moving around sorely.

"Blake's got a new boyfriend." He said.

"What?" I asked confused, piercing my eyes into his phone.

"That Jason dude... they're going out..." Mikey mumbled.

"Ouch, sorry dude..." Bob said hesitantly, directing it toward me.

"Meaning?" I asked.

"Well...It's Blake, y'know?"

"And...?" Bob looked around at all the others who were staring down awkwardly...

"Urrr...Nothing. Nothing." Bob said before looking down, I sighed and rested my head against the window eager to get out of this car and away from the prying eyes of my band mates.

"You okay Gee?" Frank asked, I shot him a look.

"No, but I would be if people could leave me alone!" I stabbed at him before closing my eyes tightly.

**BLAKE**

I felt my eyes flick from the lecturer, my notes to Jason sitting next to me- The swelling darkness of the auditorium only made it more daring, more fantastic and compelling. The darkness in my mind didn't. It never did. The frustration of in clarity burned away at me- I could feel his hand move around my body. Passion was cast aside and the impracticalities of sweat and grime disgusted me.

"C'mon, stop it! I'm trying to listen!" I said giggling, but still sternly.

"Yeah, yeah!" Jason chuckled before placing his lips on mine. My phone stared to play loudly. Everyone looked at me in the auditorium. I blushed.

"Ms Reed, if you're going to answer that, please answer that." The teacher called hoarsely. I sighed, got up and walked into the hall outside before answering.

"Hello?" I said, pressing my phone to one ear and my hand to the other, blocking out the other sounds.

"Blake! I really need to talk to you..." I heard Frank say.

"Frank I'm really busy right now!"

"I know, but it's about Gerard!" Soon as he said his name, I felt the need to end the convocation immediately.

"Gee's a big boy, he can handle himself." I muttered before quickly saying bye and hanging up. I breathed out heavily. My eyes hurt so much. I just wanted to lay my head on a pillow and depart into a nice, long slumber.

_**You've got me poppin' champagne  
I'm at it again  
Caught up in the moment  
But not in the right way  
I'm falling in between  
Tearing up at the seams  
We're just aiming to please  
And aesthetics don't hurt one bit**_

So follow me down  
Take this all the way  
Any way you want to

Why don't you say so?  
I think I'm caught in between  
The nights and days fly by  
When I'm lost on the streets  
And my eyes, they despise you for who I am  
Why don't you say so?  
Why don't you say so?

You've got me thinking that  
Lately I've been wishing  
The television set would show me more  
Than just a picture of the things I've grown to detest  
I strip down my dignity  
They can take all of me  
But they won't ever take what I still believe

So follow me down  
Take this all the way  
Any way you want to

Why don't you say so?  
I think I'm caught in between  
The nights and days fly by  
When I'm lost on the streets  
And my eyes, they despise you for who I am  
Why don't you say so?  
Why don't you say so?  
Give up and let go  
I'm just a boy with a dream  
And you can take one look  
As I fall in between  
With my eyes just as wide as my mouth can be  
Why don't you say so?  
Why don't you say so?

I know, I know, I know  
That there's a place for me somewhere out there  
I know, I know, I know  
That there's a place for me somewhere out there

Why don't you say so?  
I think I'm caught in between  
The nights and days fly by  
When I'm lost on the streets  
And my eyes, they despise you for who I am  
Why don't you say so?  
Why don't you say so?  
Give up and let go  
I'm just a boy with a dream  
And you can take one look  
As I fall in between  
With my eyes just as wide as my mouth can be  
Why don't you say so?  
Why don't you say so?

_**I'm sorry this is such a late and short chapter. I've been really swamped by...shit, recently. Lmao. I hope you enjoyed.**_

_**THIS IS DEDICATED TO THE BEAUTIFUL IERO TWINS (TO BE) AND THEIR AMAZING PARENTS!**_


	18. Admittance

**Okay, I know this sounds **_**really**___**crappy of me, but I want to see if I can get to hundred reviews in this chapter because that would mean it only took me 18 chapters to do so! Can you help me with this?? All I need is SEVEN reviews and I will be the HAPPIEST girl in the whole world!**

**I love you guys, enjoy!**

**Okay, you know who you are who told me to listen to this song and know I'm addicted to it!**

**Sexting- Blood On The Dance Floor.**

**Here We Are- Breaking Benjamin**

**Special K- Placebo.**

**Fly Into My Arms- Nick Cave.**

**FRANK**

Had she just hung up on me?

But.

But.

I couldn't believe it. I was fucking trying to tell her something!

FUCK.

What was I gonna do now? She was the once person I thought could help Gee. I could see him dying. We were all watching him waste away and we had no idea what to do. So I was just going to have to wait and see what would happen.

**----3months later----**

**BLAKE**

I leaned over the bath with the hair dye in my hands as Jason rubbed it through my hair.

"Dude, this is going to look so good..." I leaned forward and kissed him before leaning back again, my back curved over the bath.

"What was that for?" He smiled.

"For being amazing." I smiled back. Jason looked down for a second, his face changing before resuming his natural smile.

"Okay we're all done here. Just leave it for a couple of hour and..."

"I've done this before; I'm not a complete dumb ass." I laughed jumping up and putting my shower cap on my head. I heard Jasons phone bleep, he looked down at it.

"I gotta go out, you gonna be okay by yourself?" He asked.

"Yeah sure, hon." I said sub consciously as I grabbed for the crappy home phone and jumped onto my mattress, my eyes skimming along my posters. I heard the door slam shut as I dailed Alicia, Christa, Jamia and Kaitlin quickly telling them to get their butts to my place. Jamia, Kailtin and Christa were busy so it was just gonna be me and Lic. I told her to come over in an hour of two so I had enough time to wash out my hair and dry it up. When she eventually arrived, you should have seen her face...

"Oh my god! Your hair is fucking orange!" She exclaimed.

"I knooww!" I laughed jumping up to give her a hug.

"ZOMG, You're the flying tangerine."

--

We both sat feet to head on my mattress, eyes glued on the TV.

"So you going to come out and see the guys with me?" Alicia asked simply.

"Nar...They won't want to see me..." I answered.

"Of course they will! Mikey's always moaning at me telling me to get you to come with us one time..."

"Yeah, yeah..."

"Seriously! Don't you want to see Gee?" She asked. I didn't reply this time...

"Blake?"

"I'm watching Vampire Diaries, shut it."

"This isn't vampire diaries..." Alicia noted. I tried to contain myself, but I had to let out a giggle.

"So...?" She smiled, looking down at me. I let my head roll onto its side, looking back to the TV.

"I'm with Jason now...I can't see Gee, it'll just make it harder..." I mused.

"Hmmph...stupid Jason..." Alicia huffed.

"Oi!" I laughed, throwing a pillow at her in defence of my boyfriend.

"What can I say? You and Gee were meant to be!" Lic laughed sarcastically before dunking just in time as I lunged for her.

"Not clever!" I giggled, trying to attack her again, accidently kicking over the skittles.

"NOOOO!" She laughed as I tickled her meanly.

**GERARD**

**-2 days later-**

My excuse was the drugs. Definitely the drugs and the death...

Oh god, I can't believe she was dead.

I didn't know what was happening, it just was...

"Okay, we need to stop..." I said pulling away from the girl who was attaching her lips onto mine, she moaned as I said that.

"This isn't right..." I said pushing her of me. It wasn't like she wasn't attractive or anything...but she wasn't what I wanted.

"That's not what you were saying ten minutes ago!" She giggled before latching back onto me, her body hovering over mine.

"I'm serious!" I shouted, she jumped of me, I looked down guiltily.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to shout..." I apologised, but her eyes were already set coldly.

"Oh fuck you!" She announced before walking of, out of the room so I was left in MCRS makeup room by myself. A couple of minutes later some one knocked on the door.

"C'mon in!" I sighed. It was Mikey.

"Dude, I just saw that girl you were checking out before running down the hall swearing her head off!" He laughed. I grimaced.

"Yep, that's partially my fault...I kind and made out with her then rejected her..." I laughed. Mikey just stared at me.

"You what?" He gasped.

"I...made out with her?" I blushed.

"What the fuck Gee? This isn't you! You don't make out with-." I didn't let him finish.

"Who the fuck are you to tell me who I am?" I demanded.

"Your brother who's known you for 18 fucking years! Gee, I know you need to get over Blake- but..."

"WHAT THE HELL? WE NEVER EVEN WENT OUT!" I exclaimed!

"And all the alcohol Gee? You're fucking killing yourself!" He said ignoring my last response. We sat staring at each other, with a look of disgust.

"What would Grandma say?" He said simply. My thorat went dry.

"Get out." I said stiffly.

"Gee..."

"GET THE FUCK OUT! I DON'T WANT TO FUCKING TALK TO YOU AND I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT HER!" I screamed unsure if I was talking about my recently departed Grandmar of Blake...

"Fine."

_**Hey there,  
I know it's hard to feel like I don't care at all.  
Where you are and how you feel.  
With these lights off as these wheels  
keep rolling on and on. (and on and on and on...)  
Slow things down or speed them up.  
Not enough or way too much. (and on and on and on...)  
How are you when I'm gone?**_

_**[Chorus:]**__**  
And I can't make it on my own.  
(And I can't make it on my own.)  
Because my heart is in Ohio.  
So cut my wrists and black my eyes.  
(Cut my wrists and black my eyes)  
So I can fall asleep tonight, or die.  
Because you kill me.  
You know you do, you kill me well.  
You like it too, and I can tell.  
You never stop until my final breath is gone.**_

Spare me just three last words.  
"I love you" is all she heard.  
I'll wait for you, but I can't wait forever.  
_**[x2]**__****_

_**[Chorus:]**__**  
And I can't make it on my own.  
(And I can't make it on my own.)  
Because my heart is in Ohio.  
So cut my wrists and black my eyes.  
(Cut my wrists and black my eyes)  
So I can fall asleep tonight, or die.  
Because you kill me.  
You know you do, you kill me well.  
You like it too, and I can tell.  
You never stop until my final breath is gone.**_

You know you do, you kill me well.  
You like it too, and I can tell.  
You never stop until my final breath is gone.

(YOU...KILL...ME...WELL)  
So cut my wrists and black my eyes.  
My final breath is gone  
So I can fall asleep tonight

_**[Chorus:]**__**  
And I can't make it on my own.  
(And I can't make it on my own.)  
Because my heart is in Ohio.  
So cut my wrists and black my eyes.  
(Cut my wrists and black my eyes)  
So I can fall asleep tonight, or die.  
Because you kill me.  
You know you do, you kill me well.  
You like it too, and I can tell.  
You never stop until my final breath is gone.**_

(YOU...KILL...ME...WELL)  
You know you do, you kill me well.  
You like it too, and I can tell.  
You never stop until my final breath is gone.  
_**[to fade]**_

**BLAKE**

**-2 day earlier (back to original time)-**

He still wasn't back. It didn't bother me that much...it's just, when I'm alone; that's when my monsters come out. I lay on my bed, boredom stiffing me. I didn't want to think about me because I knew that only ever lead to tears... I remembered how Frank had been worried about Gee. So it made sense to ring up and check on him...even if it did hurt.

"Hello?" I heard his teary, some what unfamiliar voice answer.

"Gerard!" I exclaimed.

"Hey Blake..." He said softly. I stared curiously down the phone.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"It's my grandma... she died." Gee cried. It's probably important for you guys to know that the Ways and their gran were real close, she bought them there first van and she'd always been the sweetest thing.

"Oh my god... Jesus Christ...When? How are you? What about you parents and Mikey? How are they holding up?" I asked.

"It happened yesterday...Mikey's okay, still crying, but it doesn't look like he going to do anything stupid and my parents are holding up okay..."

"What about you?" I repeated.

"Honestly Blake? Not to good...Not to good at all..."

"Gee why didn't you tell me before?"

"Well I don't know Blake, maybe because you haven't even bothered to pick up the phone and talk to me in 2 months!" He shouted down the phone angrily. A ping of guilt hit me. Silence...

"Look Blake, I'm sorry...I didn't mean to lash out at you."

"No you're right...I'm sorry." I said weakly.

"Where have you been?" He asked numbly, seeming to dance around the topic of his gran or us.

"In hell..." I sighed truthfully, sticking the phone between my ear and shoulder and picked up my computer, to check my emails. I could hear Jason enter the flat, the door creaking.

"Look Jason's back, I'm sorry, I got to go..." I muttered as Jason entered the room, my eyes lowered to the many missed emails.

"Yeah, cool...see ya." Gee said before hanging up. I couldn't help but feel bad, but Jason for some reason hated when I talked to Gee.

"Hey, who was that?" Jason asked as he sat on the other end of the bed.

"No one..." I said not looking up. Someone had sent me an email entitled 'affair.' I clicked on it confused, the sender was with held.

"So what you up to?" Jason asked trying to make convocation.

"Just checking my emails..." I said innocently, clicking on the url the email has sent me to youtube.

I almost chocked as I saw the video, it was Jason- half naked hanging over a camera...then... jumping onto a bed a kissing this girl... My computer speakers played out the sound. Jason's eyes bulged; he knew what it was. I looked away from the screen in disgust as they started...well, you catch my drift.

"Blake....I'm so sorry..." He said shaking his head.

"When was this?" I demanded. He stared into my eyes.

"Please Blake don't ask..."

"When the fuck was this?"

"A couple of weeks before I left with my parents. I'm sorry, it was a mistake..."

"We were going out?" I spat in disgust.

"I'm sorry..." My eyes had started the burn fiercely.

"Get out!" I screamed. He didn't.

"No, I need to explain."

"GET THE FUCK OUT!" I said jumping up, trying to push him out, but he just caught my wrist and held them together menacingly.

"I didn't mean it! I love you!" He exclaimed. I wriggled out of his hold and slapped him. Mistake. He hit me with the back of his hand on the face, leaving a red mark. I felt myself start to cry.

"I hate you." I whispered I couldn't believe had of all people had cheated on me... I opened the door to the apartment and with all my force pushed him out when I had caught him in a state of daydream. I closed the door and bolted the door. He hit it with his fists desperately.

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! Let me explain!" He pleaded, as he threw his weight at the door. I opened the window and as cliché as it sounds, picked up his computer and threw it out of it, then his clothes. He remained outside my door, but now was looking in through the post box.

"Blake? What are you doing?... You bitch! Stop that!" He screamed as I ripped up his pillows before throwing them out of the window. My legs gave way and I ended up on the floor my back up to the wall, crying as Jason beat at the door.

"This is my apartment too! You can't throw me out!"

**GERARD**

I sat on my bunks playing with my phone, wishing I hadn't exploded at Blake like that. I stared up at the ceiling, breathing heavily wishing that someone or something would fill up my empty time. Something did. My phone rang out loud, I answered it to hear Blake's voice.

"Gee?" She cried, I sat up straight.

"Blake what's wrong?" I asked. I could hear some one shouting profanities in the background and thumping.

"It's Jason, he cheated on me..." She cried "I chucked him out, but he's outside shouting at me and I don't know what to do..."

"What? He cheated on you?" I said in disbelief, I could see Frank who was lying on the bunk to the immediate right to me stare at me in confusion.

"Gee I'm scared he's getting really violent."

"Hey, shh, it's okay. I'm going to stay on the phone with you until he goes." I told her, I could hear her sobbing.

"I feel so stupid." She spat

"You're anything, but stupid." I told her, un sure what to do and how to contain my rage.

_**Paper bags and plastic hearts  
All are belongings in shopping carts  
Its goodbye  
But we got one more night  
Lets get drunk and drive around  
And make peace with this empty town  
We can make it right**_

Throw it away  
Forget yesterday  
Well make the great escape  
We wont hear a word they say  
They don't know us anyway  
Watch it burn  
Let it die  
Cause we are finally free tonight

Tonight will change our lives  
Its so good to be by your side  
And well cry  
But we wont give up the fight  
Well scream loud at the top of our lungs  
They'll think its just cause were young  
Well feel so alive

Throw it away  
Forget yesterday  
Well make the great escape  
We wont hear a word they say  
They don't know us anyway  
Watch it burn  
Let it die  
Cause we are finally free tonight

All of the wasted time  
The hours that were left behind  
The answers that well never find  
They don't mean a thing tonight

Throw it away  
Forget yesterday  
Well make the great escape  
We wont hear a word they say  
They don't know us anyway

Throw it away  
Forget yesterday  
Well make the great escape  
We wont hear a word they say  
They dont know us anyway  
Throw it away  
Forget yesterday  
Well make the great escape  
We wont hear a word they say  
They don't know us anyway  
Watch it burn  
Let it die  
Cause we are finally free tonight

2 hours later Blake told me that it was okay for me to put the phone down, I did so with a sigh. My knuckled clenched, by now the guys had all gathered around me in interest.

"What the hell happened?" Mikey asked.

"She got sent some video of her boyfriend and this girl fucking..." I sighed, rubbing my eyes.

"No way!" Ray exclaimed.

"Yeah, then she threw him and and chucked his stuff out of the window and he sat outside shouting ant hitting the door for the last 2 hours..." I said stiffly getting up.

"Where're you going?" Bob asked.

"I'm going to go get drunk, wish to join me?" I asked sourly, they all just stared at me.

"I'll take that as a no." I huffed before walking off.

I knew why they were staring. To be honest I would have stared like that too... Frankly... All I cared about right now was my dead grandma and the girl I was in love with.

Yeah...

I said it.


	19. I'll let you know just how much you mean

**Hey! In the Review in the last chapter a friend of mine asked me what was the song on GEES (FINAL) POV, I would have 'PM' you, but some reason your profile wasn't showing up on the search engine! EEeek, Any whoo... The song was The Great Escape- BoysLikeGirls. ON the last chapter I asked you guys to help me get to 100 reviews and we smashed it! SO THANK YOU!! **

**This chapter is mainly in Gees POV coz I think we need to get a bit more 'Gee' action...lol.**

**I love you guys, so step it up, suck it up and GIMME SOME SUGAR!**

**Early Sunsets Over Monroeville- My Chemical Romance (HEHEE, Because we all love)**

**Meds- Placebo (god, so good, so fucking good.) **

**Rain- Breaking Benjamin (*cries*)**

**Die Romantic- Aiden (LISTEN!)**

**Cloud Nine- Evanescence (...Okay, I don't need to say anything because I know you all know how good it is)**

Tilted images of perfection and jilted glee...

Yep...that was a crappy way to start.

But it's a start.

And you need to start.

Or there is nothing to be.

I twiddled my thumbs shamefully as I sat in the cab with Mikey, Frank, Bob and Ray. As the cab stopped and I climbed out my eyes dropped onto my weeping mothers... I sucked my breath in sorrowfully and that's how Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge started... a year later and here I was.

This place, it's...it's so...

Humiliating. All these expectations were pulling like strings on my finger tips and tongue. I had no control any more. Everything was anything and too much.

My fingers curled around the toilette bowl as I sourly threw up. Coughing and spluttering, sweat running down my chest and back.

"Gee!" I heard someone say from the hall in a calling tone. I couldn't function any more. I was in mute deliberation. Next thing I know was toppling over onto the ground, my eyes to the celing, I pulled my knees onto my chest laughing manically, sick still filling my mouth. I spat it out, it landed on my pants. Then as cliché and uninventive as it sounds...it all went dark.

_**Leave me out with the waste  
This is not what I'd do  
It's the wrong kind of place  
To be thinking of you  
It's the wrong time  
For somebody new  
It's a small crime  
And I've got no excuse**_

_**Is that alright?  
Give my gun away when it's loaded  
Is that alright?  
If you don't shoot it how am I supposed to hold it  
Is that alright?  
Give my gun away when it's loaded  
Is that alright  
With you?**_

_**Leave me out with the waste  
This is not what I'd do  
It's the wrong kind of place  
To be cheating on you  
It's the wrong time  
She's pulling me through  
It's a small crime  
And I've got no excuse**_

_**Is that alright?  
Give my gun away when it's loaded  
Is that alright?  
If you dont shoot it, how am I supposed to hold it  
Is that alright?  
If I give my gun away when it's loaded  
Is that alright  
Is that alright with you?**_

_**Is that alright?  
If I give my gun away when it's loaded  
Is that alright?  
If you don't shoot it, how am I supposed to hold it  
Is that alright?  
If I give my gun away when it's loaded  
Is that alright  
Is that alright with you?**_

_**Is that alright?  
Is that alright?  
Is that alright?  
Is that alright?  
Is that alright?  
Is that alright with you?**_

_**No...**_

My face leant painfully on my arm, leaving a red sore mark on my skin.

I let the surrealistic temperament of life blunder me before I attempted sitting up. Sitting up to my band mates and manager, they all sat around the room on the couch, head in hands or on stools, eyes guiltily seeking the ground.

"Here..." Mikey said softly, handing me a glass of water. I drank it down, but it didn't do much for getting the taste of sick out of my mouth. There was, but silence- my eyes flickered in the awkward pauses. They ended up on Frank, his eyes had been on the ground, but they slowly travelled up meeting mine. His face distorted with tears, his eyes red, his lips suckered in. I held my breath, anticipating what they were going to say.

"Gee we need to talk." He said throatily. My eyes stuck on him as Mikey coughed awkwardly.

"We know what you've been taking...and we're asking you as your friends to stop."

"No." I said simply, they all looked taken back accept Mikey.

"Gee you don't need it! Or them or whatever..." Ray said. I shook my head... I wasn't going to listen.

"Gee Look at me!" Mikey shouted, my eyes flickered to him. I was unused to Mikey being like this, infact most people were. He was sitting at the end of his chair, his neck crooked over so he was closer to me.

"You're not just killing yourself Gee, you're hurting us. You're fucking you're life up for a moment of pleasure."

"It's not pleasure. It's pain and hate and every little bit of remorse and crud you can scrape of the curbs of the grey stained streets."

"Then Stop."

"NO"

It was getting worse with every day that drew closer and every moment that passed. The heavy sensation of apathy and selfishness, humiliation and loneliness, seclusion and insanity. Shows went by with pitiful words, the tour was closing to a halt, but nothing else was. It was at full speed of nothingness.

"**He calls the mansion not a house, but a tomb, he's always chocking from the stench and the fumes..." **Cries of desperation. Why did they care? Why did they want to help? Why couldn't they hate me? That would be so easy...so, so easy.

No one listens.

Everyone knows that they know; Know nothing of everything of importance. To be mere actors to a stage.

To be amusement to a higher power. Dolls. Broken, cracked, cheap rag dolls. Cracked mirrors reflected my face and trust as I stared into them. My eyes were shadowed and framed by black. My fingers brought up to the cold glass, tracing the cracks.

You couldn't fix them. Once you had dropped that motherfucker, not matter how much duck-tape you stick on it, it'll still be ugly in comparison to its former innocence and simplicity. It's function blotchy in parts and...well people don't like it.

They never will like it when that was a mistake. Like me. I let my eyes lull away from the mirror to the ceilings again as I fell back on the bed, desperate to rest my dazy eyes. The bubbled paint on the walls made me stomach turn with its being. Phenomenal it's being as it is.

"Hey Gerard..." Alicia said simply. I looked toward the figure in the door.

"Just got here, huh?" I said sitting up. She nodded, before sitting beside me and giving me a hug.

"How you doing?" She asked.

"Like every other day...You?"

"I'm okay, just wondering wee Mikey is..."She sniffled. I wrinkled my nose trying to recall blurry dialogues and monologues in my memory.

"I think he went out to get something to eat..." I said. She bit her lip and looked up as Ray walked in.

"So, you feel like getting up today, Gee?" Ray asked. I shook my head before burying it deep into the pillows I heard a muffle between Alicia and Ray, but soon the room was empty as they left in a state of undue haste.

**RAY**

"Yeah, I have no idea where he is." I said solemnly as we walked down the hall of the hotel to my room. I opened to door quickly before sitting on the bed.

"A hotel, huh? It's a bit of a change from your usual scene." Alicia laughed timidly, sitting beside me.

"Yeah, well, we needed to find somewhere for Gee to stay..." I muttered...

"He's a mess." Alicia sighed.

"I know, These past few months he's just became, just so...messed up?" I said, pulling an arm around her "Yesterday Mikey found him throwing up in the toilette, looked like he had been for about half an hour, we tried to talk to him...but...he won't listen."

"What exactly is he on?" Alicia asked.

"Fuck knows..." I sighed, rubbing my eyes.

"Mikey's so worried about him..." Alicia admitted, I looked down to her.

"What you looking at?" Lic asked.

"You..."

**GERARD**

**-3 days later-**

My fingers glided over the keys on my computer pad. My eyes were hurting from the burning light from the screen. I read through Blakes emails, knowing she was possibly the only one who could ever understand. After unsuccessfully trying to write some sort of readable excessive email, I closed my computer screen annoyed. I couldn't help but notice the little brown tub/tube of medicine. My sleeping pills. I felt myself pop the cap before taking a couple. Not enough to kill me, just enough to make me feel nice. I let out a sigh and got up and lay on my bunk, rubbing at my eyes, they were closing drowsily. Letting me...fall asleep.

**MIKEY**

"Brian, its no like I don't know this stuff, he's my brother." I muttered in response to Brian as I walked into the bunks. I immediately stopped talking when I saw Gee lying on his bed, in fear that he had head, but he didn't move. My brow furrowed in confusion. I tip toed over to see if he was asleep. I saw a bout of his sleeping pills, my eyes flicked between him and them before I realised. I shook Gee rapidly, hoping he'd wake up. He groaned, before his eyes drowsly opened.

"WHY THE FUCK DID YOU TAKE THESE?" I screamed at him.

"Well, they were given to me by the Dr." He muttered.

"You're not supposed to take them when you're drinking..." I huffed, "Do you know what these could have done to you? They could have fucking killed you."

"WELL I FUCKING WISH THEY HAD!" Gee screamed before jumping up, tears in his eyes. I watched as he ran out, clenching my fists.

It was happening all over again.

**BLAKE**

"Can we turn the radio up, Ms?" I heard one of the girls in the back of the class ask the teacher politely. The teacher said yes. It was a cool Friday and we were just sitting sketching and working on our projects. It was all good except two excruciating details: Jason was in my class and My Chemical Romance was playing on the radio.

I'M NOT OKAY.

"And that was our summer hit from My Chemical Romance..." The presenter voice boomed.

"Dick heads..." Jason muttered from the other side of the room.

"Shut up." I snarled, bitter fully. The air had never cleared since last year and what had happened...there wasn't much time really; before we could talk about it I pushed him out into some other girls apartment.

And we haven't talk since, really.

"Don't tell me to shut up." He directed towards me.

"Jason stop shouting, we're trying to work." The teacher said without much authority.

"Exactly." I huffed toward him.

"That's it." He said getting up from his chai and walking out of the class. I bit my lip before getting up and following him out- again the teacher didn't do anything.

"What do you want?" He asked sensing my presence.

"Nothing, I just wanted to come and watch you cry." I said laughed harshly, he looked at me for the first time without a look of complete aversion.

"After all this time, I thought you might have forgiven me." He sighed, sitting down on the floor, leaning against the wall.

"That's never gonna happen." I said sitting next to him.

"The why don't you go back to your precious art class and My Chem? Huh, why are you still out here?" He exclaimed.

"I told you, I like watching you cry." I laughed, his eyes connected with mine.

"I never meant to hurt you...I never wanted this to happen, this...void." He said leaning closer to me, his lips closing near to mine. I turned my head away.

"It's been a whole year, Blake..." He said almost pleading.

"Exactlly...we're just not that close anymore." I said honestly. He stared into my eye with hurt before getting up.

"I'm going back into class before I get killed, do what you want." He said before going back into class. I let out a long breath, letting my head fall back onto wall. My phone buzzed in my pocket. It was Mikey.

"Blake?"

"Yeah..."

"Oh god, you need to ring Gee, he's ran of crying and he's not answering any of my calls and I'm really worried..." Mikey said almost on the verge of tears.

**GERARD**

I looked over the edge of the building. It seemed a bit of a shame that my last sight would be of the concrete, ugly floor. Tears were just forcing themselves out, my mind didn't have ay control any more. I raised my arms defensivly over my face, hands clenched as the wind swung at me. My knees weak and my feet unable to keep my weight.

I needed to kick some sense in myself. I needed something to change.

Something had to happen. My phone rang, I pulled it out of my pocket and looked at the user ID. It wasn't Mikey, it was Blake. I bit my lip. I knew if I talked to her 'd start to feel guilty about this or she'd talk me out of doing this...but...

I wanted to talk to her. I looked out at the horizon before answering it.

"Gee, where are you? Your brother's going insane..." She demaned. I didn't answer, my breath just hummed down the phone line.

"Gee? GEE! What's happening with you?" She asked.

"I'm going to kill myself." I said, my voice shaking slightly.

"Don't, please, please dear god don't." She said, down the phone her voice soft.

"I don't want to be alive any more Blake...I don't..I don't..." I chocked on my words before giving up speaking.

"Gee...It's okay. I'm here. I'm right here." She whispered down the phone. I sniffled, looking down at the longing depths of the earth.

"Tell me where you are..." She said firmly.

"No..."

"Gee, I can't help you unless I know."

"I'm...I'm on top of this warehouse building near the vans..." I whispered down the phone, picturing her face in my head.

"Gee, I'm going to hang up, but I'll ring back. I just need you to sit tight and do nothing stupid and when all this is over, I'm going to fly straight ove to see you, okay?"

"Gee?" She said again, trying to get me to respond. I muffled a yes before she hung up and I sat on the roof, choking back tears. About five minutes later I had given up. On everything. On her calling back and The pain in my chest subduing. I was humiliated. Humiliated phenomenally. Phenomenally humiliated. I can't believe she knew... My feet seemed to be getting closer to the edge now...on the verge of slipping off...

"GERARD!" I heard a familiar voice scream, I looked down. Mikey...arr, crap.

"Please don't do anything! Don't move!" He commanded, I attempted to rub the tears from my eyes. I could see him looking for a way up to the roof, he finally got up here, the wnd pushing him back with his every movement. Is hands wrapped around me.

"Don't you dare even think about it, Gee." He said with a commanding tone. I cried into his hair, limply standing.

"We're gonna get you help... okay?"

**BLAKE**

**---2 DAYS LATER----**

I zipped up the spine of my bag with an anxious sigh. As I had prmised Gee I was going to see them on their last show, which happened to be today- You see, turned out their last gig was in New York, where I live.

But the idea of seeing him was crippling me. I could see the girls waiting for me outside in the car, as I looked from my high window and with my mind picturing the lines on Gerard's face I stepped out of the door of my apartment.

* * *

_**1-SweetRevenge-1 **_

_**Ashkie Sage**_

_**His Friend Helena**_

_**Jeempje88**_

_**Kodapaire**_

_**Loreinna**_

_**.Me-chan**_

_**ThanksForTheMemoriesDarling**_

_**TheSmallButSpazzedGirl**_

_**TiLlyLoVeSMcR**_

_**WeAreAllABunchOfLiars**_

_**WingsFurFangs**_

_**xsadxfacex**_

_**XxsweetlyXrebellingxX**_

_**XxTogetherWeMarchxX**_

_**AlexisSCREAM**_

_**Humanoid13**_

_**I love Frank and Gerard**_

_**Le Sang De La Morte**_

_**Xx Slave xX**_

_**XxBlackCoffeexX**_

_**Thank you all of you for either Faving this or putting it on your alerts. You guys are the best and I'm going to give you all your own hug! **_

_**ALSO thank you to all of you that reviewed, I'd go through the names but there are too many! Lol! Love you! **_

_**(THIS IS NOT THE END OF THE STORY!!!)  
**_

_**Xoxo**_

_**You Put The Hate In My Heart.**_


	20. Welcome to this tragic affair

**_I'm sorry for the delay, my comp broke sorry I couldn't update. Flyleaf: Arise._**

**_I'm dedicating this to my good friend E because, well I don't wanna go into great detail but she's going through a tough time right now. No thanks to shit breath, lol. _**

I breathed in shallowly as Alicia knocked on the door.

And again.

And again.

1, 2, 3... my teeth and gums rubbing against each other.

What are you supposed to say? To do? How are you to react in this situation? What can you tell them?

What can you say to someone you were so close to and now so far from? What do you say to someone you just talked out of suicide?

And this isn't a rhetorical question.

I really did try and find an answer. We stood outside the MCR dressing room, Alicia, Jamia, Christa, Kaitlin and I and watched as Alicias hand knocked on the plastic looking door, excitement brimming through us.

The door opened to a smiling, but worn looking Mikey. His face lit up as he saw Alicia.

"Baby !" he said wrapping his arms around her before letting the other girl in who all seemed to fly into the arms of their (possibly in ) significant others. I watched the scene with an air of regret, lurking behind the door. The small room they were all crammed in seemed to be alight in my mind except for the corner where Gee was sitting was head hung down as he watched the merry couples, his fingers tied. My heart thudded. He looked up, his eyes fixed with mine. He smiled. Then Frank saw me.

"Blake!" He almost screamed as he jumped up and gave me a hug.

Then it shattered, the sort of crystallised fragile state of mind.

"Damn you're looking good." He laughed pulling away.

"Oi!" Jamia laughed along with the others.

"You're hair is...orange." Bob chucked.

"Yep, I'm officially the new flying tomato, I just have to develop some awesome snowboarding skills." I giggled, I smiled un willingly, my mind threatened by a brooding melancholy. I followed through the proceedings of giving them all hugs and smiling. Until I looked down to the only member who hadn't got up to see me. I sat down next to him. My eyes searching for his.

"Hey." He smiled looking up to me.

"Hey." I replied. There was a second of awkwardness between us before I felt his arms wrap around me.

"Oh god, I've missed you." I said into my neck, I hugged him back.

"So is that a hello?" I laughed pulling back taking a good look at him. He looked truly horrible. His hair was unwashed and uncombed and he had big black soldier around his eyes.

Another awkward pause...

"Are you...alright?" I asked, my tone changing.

"I'm better...thanks, for...y'know..." He said, looking me straight in the eye.

"It's okay..." I muttered. Silence.

"Okay fuck this, We've had to put up with this tension all year and I'll be damned if it's going to spoil today, so look alive." Mikey laughed, I laughed too.

"Any ways, what about to Jason boy? When are we going to see him so we can beat him up?" Bob asked in a mischievous tone.

"You're not beating him up!" I said strongly.

"Oh please don't say your back with him!" Mikey moaned, I blushed.

"Of course not, he's just not worth it!" I exclaimed, embarrassed.

"So what we gonna do now?" Ray asked with a smile.

"I'm going to whip your asses at halo!" I laughed running over to the xbox and throwing a controller to Gee.

"Oh really?"

"Really!" I said challengingly.

----------------------------------------------------------------- 5 minutes later

I jumped around doing my victory dance.

"I beat you. Didn't I? I beat you! You're the loser!" I chanted running in a circle around Gee. He stared at me.

"How did you do that?" He asked.

"I'm a student! I have hours to hone my gaming skills!" I laughed.

"I know this sounds so old, but do you remember when we were in high school and we were searching for you after hours and we found you stuffed in a locker?" Mikey asked. I shook my head.

"That was the worst day ever. I was in there for god knows how long and people kept shoving shit through the vents..." I laughed.

"Yeah, then I went a beat up that ass who stuffed you in there..." Gee said flicking a strand of hair away from his eyes.

"One of your more helpful moments!" I laughed.

"Well I can most certainly remember some of your helpful moments." He winked. They guys all laughed, not knowing it was not ALL front.

"What, like the time we made out at Rays 20th?" I asked.

"What?" Ray shouted out astounded. Gee buried his face in his hands...

"And I thought it was all forgotten..." He gulped.

"Ewww...That's wrong..." Mikey moaned.

"Well it most certainly didn't feel like it at the time, but that might have just been all the beer you were THRUSTING down me." I said, taking care to make the word 'thrusting' stand out. Frank and bob were almost doubled over with laughter.

"And you were only 16!" Frank laughed, grabbing his side.

"Wow, you've just got back and I'm already embarrassed." Gee said shaking his head.

"You think you're embarrassed? I'm the one who made out with you!" I said. Mikey patted me on the shoulder approvingly, in stitches.

"I'm going to pretend you didn't say that!" Gee announced.

"What ever..." I giggled. The door opened and Worm's head peaked around it.

"Guys you need to come and do your sound checks!" He said. I looked around unsure of what to do. It was still a couple of hours before people would be let in. They all got up and filed out.

"C'mon...girls!" Gerard said with a smirk. I smiled and got up. Things had started to seem like normal again, but the band was still a bit shaky after Gees addictions...Geez, I remember being on the phone to him for 5 straight hours one day during that week he got sober. Let's just say, it wasn't the most friendly of chats.

Turns out, turning aint that interesting. I sat watching them for a bit...but soon my attention was drawn towards other things, mainly memories; being with the guys was taking a long trip down memory lane and trust me, there were a lot of them, ranging from playing dungeons and dragons with Gee too having a cry-athon with Ray as we watched the Titanic and ate marshmallows. All the other girls looked up in delight at their boyfriends prancing around on the stage.

"Blake? Bl-aaa-ke?" Mikey said, waving his hand in front of my eyes.

"What?" I asked.

"They're letting people in now, so we have to go, but Worm will take you down to the pit and make sure you get to the front." He told me. I nodded and followed worm out to the stadium and watched as the crowds flooded in.

**_lightstream  
down beside me  
lead on  
these promises, i keep  
daydream  
everything you knew  
take heart  
it's coming back for you_**

baby, don't crack tonight  
when the tears are falling down  
it's hard to wipe them away  
but don't you ever go and  
run run run  
like your mother did  
when she was  
young young young  
and you were a kid  
now you're  
finding it hard to sleep  
seems there's not enough air  
for you to breathe  
but don't you ever go and  
run run run  
like your mother did  
when she was  
young young young  
and you were a kid

two days  
will bring another week  
sometimes  
i feel i'm on repeat  
fall back  
weightless, undone  
gather up  
now you're home

As promised we were right in the front. Lic had her hands wrapped around me as we screamed with excitement as Jamia was getting two guys to lift her up for a better view.

Hordes of fans seemed to buzz around, it kind of kicked in how big they were really getting. It was sweltering hot in the mosh, leaving me feeling sweaty and hot.

"Blake, are you okay?" Christa asked cautiously. I nodded, feeling my skin burn as the pressure of the people behind us pushing us forward annoyed me. I watched the stage as music played in the background, comforting the awaiting fans. Suddenly a banour rolled down on the back of the set saying in capitals' MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE.' That was followed by many screams from girl, drool almost drowning them.

yuuucck.

Then I saw Gee look to the stage before running out, followed by Frank who seemed to be talking,

He grabbed the microphone, looking out at the audience and smiled.

"Well aren't you a fucking sexy crowd...I want to fuck you all!" he announced, screams before looking to me a pointed "Especially you, doll!" With a laugh. I grinned, my cheeks blushing.

"Now you motherfuckers... I want you to put you filthy ass hands together and get ready for MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE!" He screamed. But I couldn't hear him to well, the swarms of bodies were pilying high onto me, heat burying me.

"Next song's Jetset Life..." That was the last thing I heard before I fainted.

**GERARD**

I knew it. It was 5 years ago, but it had still came back and bit me on the ass, trust Blake to spill it.

"So I didn't know you and Blake...you know..." Frank said quietly as we got ready to get on stage.

"PER-lease." I laughed as we walked on. I grabbed the microphone, looking out at the audience I smiled.

"Well aren't you a fucking sexy crowd...I want to fuck you all!" I announced, screams came from some girls. I located Blake in the front I pointed at her and smiled "Especially you, doll!" With a laugh. She grinned, he cheeks blushing.

"Now you motherfuckers... I want you to put you filthy ass hands together and get ready for MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE!" I screamed. As we got further into our set the fans got wilder and wilder. Frank jumped from Bobs drums, kicking them over to beside me. He leaned in and whispered into my ear.

"Next song's Jetset Life..." I nodded and grinned at him, as he turned around I slapped his butt. He shot me a mischievous look and the crowd went ape.

"This next song is about me totally getting pregnant is this guys SUV. You should try it!" I looked around for Blake...I couldn't find her. The intro started to play, but I was still looking for Blake, that's when I saw the figure, beneath the mosh, being trampled on.

"FUCK!" I said, it was Blake. I jumped into the crowd. The guys stared at me as I did so. I pushed some people out of the way to find Blake lying at the bottom of the pile. Alicia helped me pull up her limp body as the rest of the guys freaked out and started running around wildly, leaving but Mikey to announce the show was over.


	21. Changes

Black.

"...yes it's only temporary."

"How can it be temporary?"

"It may be periodic. The stress caused trauma to the spinal cord and partially cut of circulation to the brain, but with the right physio we're sure she can get better with time."

"Oh god..."

I felt my eyes flutter as they opened with trouble. My whole body felt heavy. The first thing I saw was a blurred figure that was looming over me. White light streamed into my eyes. I moaned, as my eyes adjusted.

"Hey." Alicia said sweetly as she leaned over me. I rubbed my eyes.

"Where am I?" I askedthe circle of stunned faces.

"You're in the hospital; you fainted." Gerard said, his eyes shallow.

"How long have been here?" I asked pushing myself up.

"A couple of hours..." Gee said vaguely- as he seemed to be in shock.

"Well what's wrong, can I go?" I asked urgently. They all looked un surely at each other.

"Why, don't we go check on Frank, you and gee can talk." They said running out of the room literally.

"What's wrong with frank?" I asked.

"Oh, he beat this guy p who was jumping on you, he's getting is knuckles plastered up." Gee laughed awkwardly. It was silent for a bit.

"What's wrong with me?" I asked. Gee bit his lip, quiet for a bit.

"Okay...Blake... The stress caused trauma to the spinal cord and partially cut of circulation to the brain, temporarily paralysing you." He blurted out.

"What?"

"Look, Blake they say you wil get better with the right pyscio or something." He said, leaning over trying to comfort me.

"Get out!" I screamed, leaning back into my bed, covering my weeping eyes.

"Blake, c'mon..."

"Out!" I growled, turning over on my side, un able to take in this information. My hand now reaching down to my numbed legs.

**GERARD**

The doctors told us it was end of visiting hours and we were to come back tomorrow if we wanted. They were going to keep Blake in for another day to make sure everything was okay and to explain the sort of programme she would have to start to get her ability to walk back.

So we left, with Frank of course.

And his badly wrapped knuckles

**BLAKE**


	22. Oh God I Miss You

What do you do when you realise your life is over? You scream.

And scream.

And scream. Until the nurse suggests a sedative to your doctor.

It was 2 days after I had got the news, The Doctors had planned out all these pysio sessions, told me everything I needed to know. Filled my mind with facts, but there were still blank spots...

Where would I go?

How would I look after myself?

Could I go back the SVA?  
How long would recovery take?

I didn't have time to find these things out because I was going today.

"Your mom should be here soon." Gerard said leaning over my bed, his heads resting on the bars around my bed.

"What?" I exclaimed.

"Your mom is picking you up..."  
"Why?"

"Because she decided you were gonna live with her..."

"Why wasn't I informed of this? I haven't talked with her properly in...for ever!"

"I thought you were!" Gee said confused.

"Oh god, oh god..." I rubbed my eyes. " I can't live with her! I'll live by myself!" I said desperately, still wondering how telling me of this arrangement could have escaped every ones mind.

"You can't live by yourself until your better." Gee said strongly.

"Oh so have you got any clever solutions?" Gee looked down for a second.

"Well you could live with me."

"What?"

"Think about it, you know me, you know the house since you lived there for a year and it means you wont have to live with your mom." He said, as if he wanted me to live with him. The idea was appealing, I mean, living with Gee again...

Very nice

"No, No... you don't want to have to look after me." I said, strongly. He shook his head, with a small smile.

"Yes, I do."

"Really?"

"Yes! It'll be just like it was again...but with less school work to do!" He laughed. I held my breath for a second.

"Okay."

"Then, I'll go get the nurses to ring your mom and tell her not to come."

"Thanks." I said, suddenly feeling slightly uplifted.

"This is not the most fashionable thing ever, is it?" I moaned as Gee pushed me out of the hospital in a wheelchair. He was the only one here as I requested that non of the others would come.

I just couldn't bear that.

It took about an hour and ½ to get back to Gees place in NJ and pick up my stuff from my place. It was dark when we got there. Gee opened the door, sliding his arms under my legs and lifted me up and into the house. It smelled un touched and old, which made sense since he hadn't been there for so long.

He out me down on the sofa, before going back out and pulled in my bag. I felt helpless and a nuisance. I bet he felt guilty; that's why he's doing this- and annoyed and irritated. I would be if I knew that I was going to be slaving away looking after some kid for god knows how long, but then this was Gee and I.

I'm not sure how I'd feel actually.

If our roles were reversed, I mean. I'd feel guilt and sympathy. I hope he didn't feel those for me because I hate being the 'mary sue' case. *MENTAL SHIVER*

I pulled myself out of my thoughts reluctantly as Gerard came back into the main room where I was. He said something about him going to bring my stuff to my room and how he'd be down in a minute.

It wasn't a minute though, I counted, it was 6 minutes and 28 seconds, but I didn't tell him that when he got down again because he'd probably bitch slap me. No he wouldn't, that was a stupid comment of course Gerard wouldn't bitch slap me. He COULD imagine doing it though, virtually in his mind: which is probably worse.

**GERARD**

She was quiet... unusually so.

I guess that it's normal after finding something out that would completely alter the way you live to be a bit...taken back? Shocked? That thought may have helped me understand why, but it didn't help the fact that the silence was un nerving as hell. Silence had fallen over us and it was strange, it presence sharp and humid and awkward in its shape. It was like it was constantly jamming at my side or blanketing my ears and eyes. I coughed, as I pulled in the suitcases just to make sure I wasn't going deaf.

Nope, ears are working fine. I told her how I was going to go and take her bag or whatever up to her room. She didn't reply, just sat there. As if she was mesmerized by the minute particles in the air, unable to concentrate on anything else but these insanely small things. Soon as I got upstairs I put her suitcase on her bed before running to the bath and splashing water on my face. I had to get a grip of this situation. One) I was in love with Blake. Two) Nothing could happen because she's under going massive changes in her life and also probably would rather salt her eyes than think of me that way. Three) She was going to need help for everything: Cooking, cleaning, washing...dressing.

Oh god. I was screwed. I came downstairs quickly to see her sitting on the couch still.

Of course she was going to still be there, how could she not be? I couldn't help but compare this girl to the one I had met those years ago. She used to be the of the tracks crazy, a little messed up raven haired girl with slightly mismatched tights and a cruel sense of humour, now she was a woman with fiery hair and eyes, with a smile and still that cruel sense of humour but her diminished sense of worth and love gone. She wasn't a teenager any more. She looked up to meet my eyes. I blushed and sat next to her. I looked down, my lips dry and tongue sticking to my throat.

"Do you want a drink or some food." She looked at me blankly for a second as if she hadn't really heard, then she spluttered out some words.

"I wouldn't mind some water, I've got a really sore fucking throat." She smiled devilishly. I smiled back, wondering where this charade of acceptance had came from before turning to get her some water. She thanked me before taking the cold glass from me, condensation from her dam hand steamed on the cold surface.

"It's strange being back here; so many memories." She smiled to me knowingly.

"Yeah... some good, some...not so good, right?" I said whilst chewing my lip.

"Mostly good." She looked back up to me again with those eyes of hers bursting, engulfing me in their whites.

"I'd like to think so." I nodded before getting up and turning the TV on.

_**Hit her with a hammer  
Teeth smashed in  
Red tongue twitching  
Look inside her skeleton**_

My fingers sting  
Where I feel your fingers have been  
Ghostly fingers  
Moving my limbs

Oh God I miss you  
Oh God I miss you  
Oh God I miss you  
Oh God I miss you  
Oh God I miss you

Daddy's in the corner  
Rattling his keys  
Mommy's in the doorway  
Trying to leave

Nobody's listening  
Nobody's listening  
Nobody's listening  
Nobody's listening  
Nobody's listening  
Nobody's listening  
Nobody's listening  
Nobody's listening

Oh God I miss you  
Oh God I miss you  
Oh God I miss you  
Oh God I miss you  
Oh God I miss you  
Oh God I miss you

_**BLAKE**_

We were watching a documentary, on laws in other cultures and countries. Gee screwed his face up at the fact that if they steal they can get their hands chopped off.

"Horrible."

"It's their culture..." I murmered displacingly.

"Yeah but still... There is no thief without a course to do so...I mean..."

"I know what you mean," I nodded with a smile, " you mean why suffer the thieves whom values were corrupt from their state that was forced upon them, as it would be killing the product you made. Why kill the product of a problem when you could kill the maker?" I said phrasing it for him. He looked at me strangely.

"Yes, that's exactly what I meant."

"It's a vision of a utopia. I'm sorry to say that the possibilities are beyond anyone to change these things..." I muttered rubbing my head sorely. He kept staring at me.

"I should be getting changed for bed. It's late." I said, knowing the complications of this.

"Oh okay...umm, so how is this going to work?" He asked. I sighed thinking back to how the nurses had helped dress me in the hospital, which made me go a shade of scarlet thinking Gerard would have to do so.

"I can change my top, but for my bottom half I need you to pull my trousers down, eyes closed," I emphasised the last two words, "and pull my other ones half way up and I'll be able to pull them up the rest." I said trying not to increase my blush and failing. He looked at me hesitantly before speaking.

"Fine." Without another word he scooped me up and brought me upstairs. I couldn't help but giggle as he laid me on the bed and said seductvly:

"You ready for this Ms Reed?" I slapped him playfully.

"Shut up and let's get this over with."

I pulled of my top he handed me the other one, eyes closed, then waited for e to finish. That was the easy part, now it got awkward. He pulled down my skinny jeans quickly before handing me more bright yellow PJ bottoms, he had some difficulty pulling them up at first as he wasn't allowed to luck but I could reach when it got to my thighs and pulled them up myself, grimicing with a deep feeling of worthlessness.

"All done." He said with a wink. "And I didn't get to see a thing." He laughed, I put on a smile.

"Do you think I could go to bed now, I'm kind of exhausted." I lied. He nodded and left the room. Soon as he did so I let tears flood from me. I was angry and infuriated. I couldn't do anything, I felt disgusting and ashamed. Why did this have to happen to me? I let out sobs.

**GERARD**

As soon as I left the room I could hear her start to cry. I stood outside, lowering my head. I stood there for a second before opening the door again. Blake didn't notice me as the face was buried in her duvets. I walked slowly toward her, noticing her tightly clenched hands.

"It's not fair." She moaned. I pulled her up against my chest, hugging her tightly.

"I know..." I shushed into her ears.

"I hate this, I fucking hate this." She shrieked into my top and body for comfort. I stroked her neck gently, trying and failing at consoling her.


	23. I'm back and biting the bitch's bum

_**A/N**_

_**You probably don't know me that well anymore, even T and G would have trouble recognising me now.**_

_**I've been gone for a while. I'm sorry. . .**_

_**I've grown up a bit; I'm less inclined to hate the world. I'm less aggressive and for that I'm grateful. I'm thankful that I'm alive still and I'm thankful that I'm stable enough to continue to write for you.**_

_**You damn amazing people.**_

_**Two days ago, I checked on my reviews in curiosity for this story and I found some new people had reviewed. They spoke of how I had provoked them to do something, how I had inspired them and I felt so humiliated.**_

_**So sad. **_

_**Sad that I had given up on something as simple as freakin fanfiction. I know I've changed, but I didn't want to leave behind those who haven't. Those who comforted me in my hour of need and laughed with me about chilli pizza and killing preps. **_

_**I'm so sad that I could do that to you, but it undermines everything I've been trying to achieve. My goals, my wishes. **_

_**So sad that for something that was once so important to me, I left and didn't look back.**_

_**I may seem over the top, but the truth it; fanfiction represents a side of me and I miss and hate and completely and utterly sympathise with. A side of me that had cooky friends and suicidal feelings and unbelievable lows and sky scraping highs. **_

_**So I'm back.**_

_**I don't know how many of you are still reading this, but don't give up quite yet;**_

_**I haven't.**_

What could you say to me to make me feel better? What could fix my ailments and push me towards life again? Questions that had been replaying over and over in my head. I searched desperately for some one to relieve me from this feeling of utter despise for myself, my form and my new life. I'd cry and scream for hours, simply for a source of entertainment. Of course Gee would be there, as always. Telling me that I wasn't useless and I could get better and that I wasn't going to spend the rest of my life like this.

I don't think people quite understand the level of despondence that had swollen in me. This numb feeling of disbelief. This stuff didn't happen to people like me.

I didn't get paralyzed. I didn't get forced to live with someone who I was completely, un-believable in love with, with no hope of ever being able to communicate with him again. A month or two had passed and Gerard was tiredly pushing me through the door of my physiotherapist's.

"I don't want to go on the bars again." I said gruffly. He smiled flatly.

"I know you don't, but it'll help." He said with all the persuasive passion he could muster. I did feel sorry for him, I had pushed him to lengths I didn't think he'd quite expected. He did everything for me, without complain and all I did in return was cry or moan.

"I wouldn't be doing this if you weren't so darn cute." I laughed half heartedly as he wheeled me to the reception. He leaned over my chair to the receptionist.

"I have an appointment with Mr. Phillips under the name of Way." She nodded and typed something in the computer before telling us to go straight through. He wheeled me through into my therapists room. Two door adjacent to each other were standing there.

"I thought we'd have another go at the bars."

"fuck off." I said calmly. He wasn't surprised.

"Blake, shh." Gee said embarrassed.

"That's quite alright, but you're getting on these bars and that's that." Mr dr said, he then gave Gee a funnyn little nod and Gee gathered me up in his arms and started to carry me towards to bars.

"NO! YOU TWAT!" I screamed, but I couldn't help but laugh. A deep hearty laugh that echoes through the room, a laugh I hadn't experienced in a while.


	24. A Day to Remember

_**A/N: Woah, the response to my last chapter was epic. I mean so epic my face fell of like MJ'S! (Not dissing the jackson, small pun! We still love him!) ANYWAY! I feel so inspired! Even though I've completely forgotten what I was originally going to do with this story lines, I'm sure I can improvise! I'm writing this on the 14**__**th**__** March, 2011 let's see when it'll be posted! Haha. **_

GERARD

I'm sitting with Frank and Blake on the couch. We're getting into the Jerry Springer show and yes that makes me trailer trash, but who cares?

"holy shit, it's the little dude on again!" frank laughs, chucking his body baking as it vibrates with his amusement.

"How the fuck did he got a job on the jerry springer show? You're supposed to be able to break up fights not get trampled to death in the middle of them!" I chuckle.

"I think Frankie's just sour because he's undermining his role as the small one out of us." Blake remarks with a hint and jest.

"I'm offended!" Franks smiled with mock shock.

"Any way, we've got more important things to talk about than the Jerry springer show." I tell him because the sooner we can get Frank of the subject of the jerry springer show, the better.

"Which are..." Blake asks. I flash a look at her, she's sitting straight on the couch where I put her. It's confusing this thing between us. I've seen this whole new side of Blake, that whilst I still love, I'm not sure if I like that much. I can't give a shit that's she's physically not up to much, whilst she is getting better though, but she's started to turn into this bitter person. Ever since the accident she's not content with just being around her friends, she seems despondent to us. Then there's the situation that, y'know. I'm in love with her. Completely and utterly in love. Obsessively so, I mean I'm like a stalker nowadays, but state payed.

"Bobs birthday. I'm thinking all around at Mikey's place, giant party. Everyone except me, of course, gets drunk and we can all play some game and have a shit load of fun. Is that okay?" I ask.

"Well it sounds like the same thing we do for every birthday, but yes. Lets _surprise_ him with our thoughtful efforts to celebrate him getting closer to death." Blake snaps. I roll me eyes because Blake PMS-ing all over the mood, is pretty usual.

"I think it sound fun, no matter what bllaaakkke thinks." Frank says teasing prodding her arms.

"Exactly! Any way traditions are good and this is are traditions. Celebrating LIFE by getting pissed, or drinking non alcoholic beer in my case." I smile smugly at Blake. She sighs and flashes me her Grammy smile.

"Yes yes, whatever say darrrling. So does Mikey know we're doing this? In his house?" Blake asks.

"No, but he'll say yes. Mikey's a push over and he loves a party too much to say no."

"Oh isn't it touching how much our dear friends care about the celebrations of Bobs birthday." Blake laughs.

"Oh yeah, he loved Bob too much to say no, too." Frank adds slyly. "I'm going to get a soda, do any of you guys want one?" I nod and Frankie runs of to the kitchen. I give Blake a sharp look.

"What's that for?" She asks confused.

"For being a big ass downer. Come on it's been months since the accident and you're almost there with walking. Can't you lighten up?"

"For god's sake Gee, don't lie. I'm not _almost there_; I'm a bloody Sahara away from walking." She barks.

"You got the whole way through the bar the other day."

"Yes and I was crying by the end of it... Look, I'm sorry I've been a bitch, I have been trying to get better. I just feel like I've got no control anymore."

"What, other your dear love for me?" I joke. She smiles again, looking down. I sigh heartily before nudging up closer to her and wrapping an arm around her.

"Let's have some fun, alright?"

"Alright" She say, grinning with excitement. I jump up and put my leather jacket on before scooping Blake up in my arms and putting her into her wheelchair. Just as I do that, Frankie appears holding two cold Pepsi Max in his hand.

"And where are you going?"

"No, it's where are we going Frankie. Grab your coat, laddy, you've pulled." I tease. He follows me to the front door in confusement and I push Blake out and head to the car.

"Frankie what are you fucking waiting for?" She turns to look at Frank. He eyes bright. Frankie shrugs and runs to the car.

"I call shotgun!" He shouts.

"Oh zut!" Blake laughs.

I look in the mirror as I drive, my eyes flicking to Blake sitting in the back. She runs her hands through her orange hair, wavy hair. It's grown down to her collar bones and flick out around her jaw. Blake has started to look different; you can tell she's grown up. She doesn't wear stripy tights and tutu skirts any more. She started to remind me of Grace Kelly, elegant. Since I've been gone, she's started to go for the 1950's look. Flicky eyeliner, blouses and blue jeans. I like it; she looks less like a little girl trying to be something she isn't. Everything about her has changed, her face has thinned and turned into this beautiful heart shape, her eyes are brighter and she's gained weight. She looks curvy, healthy and attractive. I know Frank's noticed too, he's forever teasing her about becoming one of the 'fashionable insiders' but I think he likes it too.

"Gee, I know you have this insane idea of not telling us where on earth we are going, but can we stop of at Superdrug, I want to buy some hair dye."

"Still going for orange?" Frank laughs as he sips his Soda. Liquid spurts out of his nose and he starts coughing manically. I can't help but laugh hysterically.

"No, I think I'm going to go for a change." Blake says determinedly.

"Well, I shall miss that tangerine barnet of yours." Frank teases her after recovering from his soda attack.

"I don't take that tone of sarcasm very well Fr-" I interrupt her suddenly:

"Here we are!" I smile, swinging open the car door. I can see them both looking out. We're at the beach.

"Okay, what the fuck?" Frank asks.

"We're going to have a lovely day at the beach." I say smugly. I pull Blake's wheel chair from the back.

"Gee, I swear you're not supposed to use my wheelchair on sand."

"Nonsense." I say sternly. "Frankie get Blake out." I command. I watch as he does, he jokingly leans forward for a kiss on the cheek. Blake just laughs and clings onto him.

"You do know it's in the middle of December? Seasides are like a suicide mission ." Blake tells me as she gets into her wheelchair.

"Like hell is that going to stop us!"

What did stop us though, was the fact that Blake was right- about the wheelchair. The sides got cogged up with particles and I could barely push it along so we stopped soon enough. We were at the beach. No one was there except for us. The sea lapped against the sand slowly and I could hear seagulls fly overhead.

We all sat on the sand, abandoning the wheelchair.

"Why would you want to watch Jerry Springer when you could watch this?" I asked. Frank just shrugged. I looked over to Blake, her hair was flying behind her with the wind and she had her eyes closed and a smile on her face. Her arms propping her body up from the sand and he legs out flat, she kind of looked like a mermaid.

"I'm going to get him and Kaitlin tickets to go hot air ballooning." Blake said quietly.

"What?" I asked.

"I'm going to get Bob tickets to go hot air ballooning with Kaitlin for his birthday."

"Well that's randomly sweet." I smiled. I look to Frank, but his gaze is caught at see.

"Frank."

Nothing.

"FRANK!" I scream into his ear. He jumps, looking at me with a startles expression.

"Jesus Gee, what do you want?" He asked.

"How are you and Jamia" I ask "I haven't seen her for a while." Frank rubs his eyes.

"Fine I guess. Well sort of, we're kind of fighting at the moment, but we'll sort it out."

"About?"

"She just wants to get all serious and get married and I'm struggling with the concept." He sighs. I bite my tongue.

"Look, it's fine. Serious"

"That's good." Blake tells him, putting her hand on his.

"You know what. I think I'm going for a swim." Frank says getting up.

"What the fuck? It's like -10 out there!" Blake laughs. I just stare up at him as he takes off his shirt.

"You're being daft, mate." I say honestly.

"Know, I'm having fun. C'mon, I bet you'd never do it." He laughs. I shake my head laughing too,

"No, I wouldn't." Frank ignored Blake's and my pleas and too amusement ran into the cold sea in his boxers.

"Oh fuck me, this is cold." I could hear him scream above the wind. I started chuckling as I saw Frankie's pale body being submerged by a giant wave.

"Oh my god, he's such a prat." Blake giggled.

"Oi! Frankie, you alive?" I shouted loudly. I second later, a thumbs up appeared from the waves. That just set Blake and I off again in our frantic laughing. I wrapped an arm around her, she looked up to meet my eyes. I could feel the wind rushing against my skin. My whole body tingles with a sensation of joy. She smiled nervously, I leaned forward a few inches.

"I think..." I whispered.

"I think you're amazing." I said honestly. My voice quivering with embarrassment. Her eyes fluttered downwards for a second before she looked up again.

"I think you're amazing too." She said. I let my hand rub up and down her cold arms.

"God, what were you thinking wearing a short sleeved top on such a day?" I said, changing the subject. She shook her head.

"I was thinking whatever you were thinking when you decided to take us here." She smiled, looking up at the grey sky. Her eyes tracing the lines of the clouds. I looked to the sea, to see Frankie walking out, looking a rather endearing shade of blue. His arms were stretched out, willing for his clothes.

"Mine, mine, mine!" I he said as he greedily grabbed them of me, pulling on my shirt.

"I was just thinking maybe we should get some icecream." I told him.

"Would that include coffee?"

"Yes, if you wanted."

"Then let's go." He said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. When we got to a little cafe Blake and I ordered chocolate icecream whilst Frankie, still shivering from the cold held onto his coffee.

"Well that was a short trip to the beach." Blake giggled.

"Yes well we would have stayed longer if Frankie didn't insist on being clinically stupid." I laughed too.

"Well, I was TRYING to have fun; it wasn't my fault I failed dramatically at it."

"Well your endeavours to have fun have put an end to it."

"Hey, we can still have fun!" I tell Blake.

"How?" She asks, her eyes daring me.

"Well what do teenagers do when they're bored?" They stared at me questioningly "Prank phone calls" I pulled out my phone and shook it in front of them. A devilish grin appeared on Frankies face, he pulled the phone from me and started typing a number in.

"Who are we calling?" Blake said from over her icecream.

"Mikey."

"Just remember to make it private Frank" I told him. He rolled his eyes and rang the number, putting it on loud speaker. It ran for a couple of seconds before it picked up, Blake giggled nervously, I ended up having to put my hand over her mouth and I listened.

"Hello?" Mikey said chirpily.

"You have just won a booster pack of heroine! 1kg! For more information call this number_ '911'_ and say the code words 'I have a secret stash of heroine' and you will receive your prize!" Frank said down the phone.

"What the hell, that doesn't even make any sense!" Mikey shouted down the phone.

"Then why did you ring me?" Frankie asked.

"What?"

"Why on earth did you ring me then, god. I was in the middle of something and you totally interrupted me."

"You rang me!" Mikey shouted exasperated. At this point I took my hand from Balkes mouth and she started laughing, very, very loudly.

"…Frankie?" Mikey asked calmly down the phone.

"Who the hell is Frankie, it sounds like a teddyboy name to me." Frankie shouted down the phone.

"Oh my god, I've going to kill you Frankie! And don't think I don't know you two aren't in on it, I know you're there Gerard and Blake."

"Who Gerard? Ooh is Blake a special Lady friend of yours?" Frankie said belligerently down the phone.

Silence. Then I heard the dial tone go, before we all erupted in laughter.

" Okay, now we have to ring Ray and ask if he could ask if any one's seen Mike Hunt." Blake laughed. I didn't get what she meant until I said Mike Hunt out loud (try it.)

Blake wouldn't show me the hair dye she bought when we got home after dropping Frankie of.

"It's a surprise." She insisted.

"I hate surprises!" I moaned.

"Gerard, just take me upstairs!" She told me. I sighed and did as I was told.

For the next hour, I waited to see her hair. I could hear various things going on from upstairs, hairdryers, showers and various explicit words when Blake dropped dye down her top, but I didn't know what was happening yet. As I sat watching a programme on space probes I heard Blake call for me.

"Gerard! I need some help getting downstairs! We really need to get an electric seat lift, you know." She nagged. I just laughed. I ran up the stairs to find Blake sitting their, smiling up at me. Her hair was blonde, proper brassy golden hair. It suited her perfectly though, it went well with her creamy skin and deep red lips.

"You look beautiful." I told her. She blushed.

"I thought I'd go back to a more natural colour."

"I like the way you've done it too. It's not straight." I said dumbly.

"Lord, you're such a boy." She giggled "but thank you, I thought I'd try something different so I just blow dried it and let in ringlet-up."

"It really suits you, even more so than the orange." I laughed. I could see how happy she was with the change, like she was steeping into a new period in her life. I heard the phone ring from downstairs.

"I'll be a second." I told her before running downstairs and picking up the phone.

"Hello, Is this Blake Reed?"

"No, this is her flat mate, Gerard Way. Who is this?"

"I'm Dr Siang, I have some interesting developments to tell Blake about her paralysis."

"You can tell me, Blake's not here- I can give her a message though." I said eargerly.

"Well, due to the circumstance of her condition Blake has been considered for nerve reconstruction. This could allow her to walk again and in a lot less time than was expected."

"Oh wow."

"I know this is a lot to take in. Can you just tell her I called and ask her to call back? I'm very eager to get this underway."

"Yes of course, thank you." I hung up and looked up and Blake.

"What was it?" She asked.

"They can make you walk again." I beamed up at her.

_**This chapter was finished on the 14**__**th**__** May, 2011. Sorry it took so long.**_

_**xx**_


	25. But he talks like a gentleman

**I'm dedicating this story to ****Hawke 1234321. I don't know if she will be reading this, but she sent me a review a couple of months ago and it gave me the kick up the arse I needed. She inspired me :D**

**Oh BTW, a lot of people have been asking me why I speak like an American on this, but I'm English in real life. WELL, this IS SET IN AMERICA! THE GIRL IS AMERICAN! In real life I actually have a real British accent, oh lardydah. **

**BLAKE**

I sat in my physio's office; Gerard was next to me, holding my hand.

"Yes, I have been discussing the possibilities of surgery on you with your doctor and we have both agreed you are a prime candidate. Due to the fact the damage with is causing your problem is so mild, we believe this reconstruction will allow you to make significant progress in just weeks after you surgery. Walking will be a definite possibility in the very near future if you have it done."

"But how quickly?" I asked urgently.

"In a matter of 3 months perhaps, we can have you walking again. You will have to come to physiotherapy until you can though. This won't be a quick fix, it will just get you a lot closer."

"And when would I be able to have it done?"

"As soon as possible, after the Christmas holidays perhaps." I nodded whilst taking in all the information. I was so glad Gerard was here with me to help me decipher through all of this.

"What are the risks associated with this procedure?" Gerard asked confidently. I looked up, I hadn't thought of that.

"Well, obviously any surgery on the nervous system in very risky and if it went badly you can remain paralysed forever, but the likelihood of that happening is very small. You have a team of very capable doctors willing to operate on you. I definitely consider this option."

"I want to have it done." I said looking between the doctor and Gerard.

"and I want it done soon as possible. Soon as the holidays are over infact."

"are you sure about this?" Gerard turned and looked at me.

"Yes. I'm sick of all this hard work leading to nowhere." The doctor nodded and told me I'd have to organise the rest with the insurers and my doctor.

"I'm really glad for you Blake, I'll see you after the holidays." After that Gerard and I left. I wave of euphoria hit me soon as I left the office.

"I can't believe this Gerard!" I turned to him, smiling. He was baring his teeth too as he wheeled me down the cold December streets.

"I know, it's fantastic. Just imagine, you could go back to art school!" He sounded enthused. I wasn't so happy about going back to art school, it felt like something I once loved, but not anymore. I wanted to go to college; I knew I had good enough grades to go to a lot of places. I just felt like art was a dying passion. You don't really care about that, do you? I know what you care about. What the hell is happening between Gee and I. Well at this stage I had no idea.

As I sat in the car next to his, I watched his hands direct the steering wheel, the way he allowed it to slide beneath his grip. God, I wanted to touch those hands so bad. Then there were his arms, they were creamy expanses of muscular hugging machines. And his firm chest and his lips.

I needed to stop thinking about him like that, I was getting worried that nothing would ever happen between us and then nothing would ever happen for me. I'd die a lonely spinster if I continued to be in love with him.

"Why are you staring at me?" What the fuck? How did he know? His eyes were firmly still on the roads.

"Umm, you have something on your face." I lied.

"What? You let me go in your physiotherapists with something on my face?" He said, looking at me briefly before looking to the road.

"Sorry, it was really funny. That's why she kept staring at you." I continued to lie.

"Darn and I just thought she liked me." He laughed, "Can you get it off?" He leaned his head closer to me, eyes still fixed on the road. What the hell was I supposed to do? So I just leaned forward and wiped his face with the cuff of my sleeve, pretending I was trying to get a mark of.

"Hmm, it's not coming of." I said.

"Blake, please stop toying with me and get it off." I felt nervous inside from just touching him so I gently kissed the side of my thumb, so it was slightly wet and 'rubbed the mark of.'

"All gone."

"Thank you, despite the fact that you didn't tell me in time to save me from embarrassment."

I laughed nervously before looking away, my fingers shaking.

_**You sit there in your heartache  
Waiting on some beautiful boy to  
save you from your old ways  
You play forgiveness  
Watch it now ... here he comes!**_

He doesn't look a thing like Jesus  
But he talks like a gentleman  
Like you imagined when you were young

Can we climb this mountain  
I don't know  
Higher now than ever before  
I know we can make it if we take it slow  
Let's take it easy  
Easy now, watch it go

We're burning down the highway skyline  
On the back of a hurricane that started turning  
When you were young  
When you were young

And sometimes you close your eyes  
and see the place where you used to live  
When you were young

They say the devil's water, it ain't so sweet  
You don't have to drink right now  
But you can dip your feet  
Every once in a little while

You sit there in your heartache  
Waiting on some beautiful boy to  
To save you from your old ways  
You play forgiveness  
Watch it now here he comes

He doesn't look a thing like Jesus  
But he talks like a gentleman  
Like you imagined when you were young  
(He talks like a gentlemen, like you imagined when)  
When you were young

I said he doesn't look a thing like Jesus  
He doesn't look a thing like Jesus  
But more than you'll ever know

**GERARD**

I could sense her staring at me as I drove. I'd felt it for a while now, but I was too embarrassed to say anything.

"Why are you staring at me?" I asked calmly, continuing to drive despite the fact that my heart was thumping inside whilst wondering of her reaction.

"Umm, you have something on your face." She replied. Oh well, that wasn't exactly what I thought she was going to say, but I could still have fun with this.

"What? You let me go in your physiotherapists with something on my face?" I faced her for a second, whilst pretending to be angry about what I just said.

"Sorry, it was really funny. That's why she kept staring at you." She giggled. My heart melted at that giggle.

"Darn and I just thought she liked me." I chuckled "Can you get it off?" I leaned my head closer to her. I felt her wipe my face with her sleeve. It wasn't her touching me, but I still shoo from the contact.

"Hmm, it's not coming of." She mumbled.

"Blake, please stop toying with me and get it off." I said desperate for her to be near me. I felt her wet flesh rub against my skin. I would normally go _'mom get off me, that's disgusting,' _but this was Blake. And I liked it, even if it made it incredibly hard to drive.

"All gone."

"Thank you, despite the fact that you didn't tell me in time to save me from embarrassment."

We both chuckled awkwardly then. I tapped my fingers against the steering wheel. I was in a great mood. I couldn't help but feel great; Blake was going to get her ability to walk back and that was fantastic for her.

"You know, I don't think we should head straight home. Why don't we go out to the cinema, my treat?" I flash her a grin.

"Your treat?" She questions.

"As I said." I laugh as I stare at the road.

"Totally, we'll get pepsi, popcorn- The works!" She giggled. I just sighed and mentally tried to count the coins in my wallet.

"Yaayy." I said sarcastically. She rolled her eyes, but with an excited smile pulled down the sunblocker/mirror and started fiddling with her hair.

"We'll be in darkness." I add.

"Well, you'll know if I look good or not. So I'm getting done up for you." And with that she pulled out some lipgloss.

**BLAKE**

Emotions can overwhelm you very easily. In my life I've experienced this a few times, but never to the extent of what I was feeling now. I was putting makeup on, my eyes squinting as I stared into the mirror. My fingers numbly held around the small brush, I wasn't really thinking about it. I was thinking about being able to walk again and all the hard work I was going to have to do. I was thinking about these mixed up emotions I had for Gerard, I once loved him, but I couldn't any more. I had moved on. The car lurched forward and I got mascara over my cheek.

"Fuck, Gerard!" I screamed. My head turned to him, he looked surprised at my outburst. I turned to try and rub of the mark on my face but it just made my skin grey. I tried to put some concealer over it, but it wouldn't work.

"Oh fuck me life." I moaned as I starting rubbing frantically at my cheek. Lurch again.

My makeup bag fell onto the floor, scattering its contents around my dumb feet. I stared at it for a second.

"Fuck"

"Fuck"

"FUCK" I screamed, anger rushing through me. My hands screwed up around my face, I was looking for something to take my anger out on, but unable to find it I just covered my eyes. I leaned forward on the dash board and started to cry. Tears raged through me, as my body crumpled together from fatigue. My throat choked on my tears, my body shivering yet my legs staying ever still.

"Blake?"

I continued to cry for the rest of the journey. Occasionally get so angry and full of self hatred that I'd smash my fist against the car, screaming unrecognisable noises. That's what this was all about. Self hatred. I hated my body so much, I hated it giving up on me. No one could love this. This thing. I was going to be alone for ever. Lonely and unlovable for ever. I hated that I no control over my body any more and even more that I had no control over my emotions. I was frantic and erratic. And through it all I still felt this pressing feelings on my shoulders, this repression that I just couldn't break through.

I felt the car stop. I ignored it though and kept my eyes firmly shut and on the dash board. I was breathing jaggedly. My chest felt as if with every breath some monster was scratching away at my insides. My car door opened very slowly.

"Blake."

I ignored him.

"Blake, look at me." Gerard hands were entangled in the back of my head, his thumb gently stroking my neck. I stayed there for a couple of seconds. As my head turned to look at him, light hit against my hot skin. With one look I took him in. His large eyes red, his cheeks flushed and his lips quivering with uncertainty. I looked where we were. Not home for sure.

"Gerard, why aren't we home." I asked softly. I felt his grip tighten around me as he leaned in, his breath cold against me.

**GERARD**

Her face was burning red, her eyes darkening with every second. There's a conflict within me. A mix of despair and desperation. It rumbles inside of me like a volcano. Hot pain numbing my stomach. As my hand play with her hair, childishly, I can feel her tensing. Her eyes searching my face for emotion.

"We're celebrating." I tell her, nodding my head, a few tears rolling down my cheeks.

"Then why are you crying?" She asks so innocently. I lean closer in, so my nose almost touches her, my eyesight wobbles as I stare into her eyes.

"Because you're making it very hard for me to celebrate." I laugh, forcing a smile onto my face. I have that feeling in my face, when it's tingling and sort of stretched. The feeling you get when you're trying to conceal tears.

"Oh." She murmurs. Her hot sticky voice swimming around my ears. She lifts her hand up to my cheek and with a thumb wipes a tear from my face. We stare at each other as if there a secret being unfolded. It feels like that touch just broke the invisible barrier between the two of us. I remove my hand from the back of her hair. She looks down after a couple of moments. Her eyes flick up again, to meet my steady gaze. She shrugs nonchalantly, the movement so small and timid. She looks to the open door and then back at me.

"I'm scared of being alone." She whispers, her voice breaking with tears. "Gerard, I'm... I'm so bloody scared." Her voice shakes with her sobs. Her face tilts downwards in embarrassment. I take my index fingers and rest it underneath her chin, before drawing her chin upwards so our eyes meet one last time.

"You're not alone." I laugh. Another tear rolls down her cheek and as it descends, I lean forward and kiss the snail like trail it left on her skin. As I lean backwards her eyes are wide. I take one of her hands and kiss it, my head resting on it for a few moments.

"Thank you." She sniffles and her head leans down and her chin rests on head, her body raps around mine.

**BLAKE**

We didn't go to the cinema, but decided to return home. The car ride was silent as we both thought of the events that just occurred. As well pulled outside of Gee's house I saw a waiting next to it, I looked up to the drive and saw my mom. Gerard was already out of the car getting me out.

"Gee. Stop it." I snapped as he put me in his wheelchair.

"Because?" I pointed to the door in response. My mom obviously hadn't noticed us yet and was simple standing there.

"And that is?"

"My mom!" With that Gerard bit his lip but carried on pushing me up to the house.

"Umm, hello?" Gerard said loudly. My mom turned around and looked between us.

"Oh darling, I heard what happened to you and I just felt terrible. I've came to see you." She wailed. I rolled my eyes.

"Did you ever think I might not want to see you?" I snarled.

"Hey, don't be so rude." Gerard scorned me. My mom stood silently as Gerard put his key in the front door and opened it.

"Would you like to come in?" He asked my mom. She nodded and followed us in. Soon as I entered I mentally shuddered. The house was a mess, clothes lying about everywhere. Takeout boxes. Empty coffee mugs. Gerard left me to wheel my way into the living room and started running around trying to tidy up. My mother followed me, I could see her looking around earnestly.

"Sit down." I told her, she looked at the sofa reprehensively before doing so.

"Do you want a cup of coffee?" Gerard shouted from the question. She shook her head.

"She doesn't." I shouted back.

"Oh" Gerard shouted back again. There was a moment of silence.

"So, who's he? He seems... nice." She asked.

"He's my friend Gerard, he's been looking after me." She nodded and looked around the room, surveying it.

"How are you?" I asked. The little hope I had held for my mother and I of reconciling after finishing school had been flattened when she didn't reply to any of my messages. And now she turns up out of the blue.

"I'm fine. I got a job as a saleswoman, bought a house, got married." She shrugged.

"You got married?" I questioned.

"Yes." She nodded as if I was being stupid for asking.

"And you didn't think of telling me."

"Well we hadn't been in touch for so long..." Silence. A moment passed awkwardly as Gerard walked in holding a cup of coffee.

"Oh I didn't want coffee." She said.

"I know... this is for me." Gerard confirmed. My mom blushed and looked away.

"How did you get me address?" I asked.

"You sent me it on one of those postcards." She replied, no emotion showing in her voice. I looked her over. She had died her hair brown and was wearing an old fashioned light pink suit, the type of one you see on old ladies. It was a good change though, she looked healthier.

"So what is this husband of your like?" I asked.

"He's lovely, respectful, well off. Actually he's why I am here."

"Oh and I flattered myself in thinking it was longing to see me." I said dryly.

"Yes of course it was, but James, that's his name, got me thinking about something... He asked why, under your circumstances, you don't live with us."

"Did you tell him it was because I dislike you with such an intensity that me focusing all that hate on a person could probably make them combust?" I asked politely. Gerard coughed awkwardly.

"No, I told him I saw no reason why not and came here today with the intentions to bring you home with me." My mouth opened.

"And surveying the place, you have only confirmed my suspicions that you need looking after."

"Hold on a minute, what's wrong with this place?" Gerard as sharply.

"It's a mess, it may be fine for your sort, but Blake needs some security in her condition."

"I'm not dying mom! I have paralysis!" I interrupted.

"And I'm doing a damn fine job of looking after her. Where have you fucking been when I've been carrying her about to doctors appointments and dealing with her freakin mood swings?" Gerard shouted. I looked over to him astounded by his feelings.

"So, what do you think?" She asked pointedly, ignoring what Gerard has said.

"I think you should get out." I said quietly.

"What?"

"I think you have offended me and Gerard enough and you should leave." I said strongly. My mom grimaced before getting up and walking to the front door. I followed her, she turned to look at me.

"Did you really think that you could win me over this easily? After you cheated on dad, forced him out and left me to live in an abandoned house, unable to even shower. And may I add: I would STILL be living there is Gerard hadn't let me live here. In this place you think is so darn crappy." I shouted. My mom looked so angry, her lips started trembling.

"I'm not going to pretend I was a good mother to you, but it wasn't my fault. I was so depressed after your father left. Don't you know he had been having affairs for years?" She asked strongly, I was taken aback by this

"I stood up for it and watched him pleasure himself with other woman as I brought you up! And god forbid the one time I find someone to love me, something for myself- he uses it to leave us so he can run of with his whore! How can you use that against me? I ddn't my darn best with the lot I was given." She closed her mouth and composed her before opening the door and walked out. I just watched her leave in utter shock.


	26. I fell in love next to you

**Song to listen to throughout this chapter: (A/N AT THE FOOTER TOO! READ AFTER! :D )**

**Ed Sheeran: Firefly. (LISTEN, I COMMAND)**

**BLAKE**

"Get up" Gee shouted. One of my eyes dared to open to see a very bright and very happy looking Gerard stand over me.

"It's a bit hard for me to do that since I can't walk." I murmured before closing me eyes again.

"Get up and spread your wings, today is a new day and you shall grow." Gerard said, bloody hippy.

"I swear that's what you say to your penis every morning." I muttered without opening my eyes.

"That's it." He pulled at my arms until I sat upright. I groggily rubbed at my eyes.

"You're a tool."

"You're a fart."

"I know, I know, I'll go brush my teeth." I told him. He lifted me up and put me in my wheel chair. I looked him up and down, he was fully dressed in black skinny jeans and a Nick Cave t-shirt, and he had a woolly camel hat on with a giant ass pom-pom .

"I have a woolly Christmas jumper to go on top. It's awesome it has reindeer." He added as if realising what I was doing.

"Lord I'm looking forward to seeing you in that." I sat infront of the bathroom mirror and started brushing my teeth and Gerard watched me, leaning against the door frame with a grin. I stopped brushing and looked quizzically at him.

"Why are you so happy?"

"Well today's Bob's birthday, in two days times it'll be Christmas and in three weeks you're having your operation! What is there not to be happy about?" I shrug at his answerer and continue brushing my teeth...and Spit. I turn around my chair and face Gee.

"Okay I need to take a bath, but afterwards you can show me that jumper of yours." I smile.

"Yeah." Gerard nods before walking out. I watch him as he walks out. I can't help but think about the fact that he's given me so much support, but since he quite drugs and tried to kill himself, I've done nothing. I've actually just been ignoring it. We both have. I sigh and busy myself in filling the bath.

**GERARD**

I smile at myself in the mirror as I try on my reindeer jumper. I like it, despite the fact that I know Blake will tease me. To be honest, I'm nervous about tonight. I'll be surrounded with alcohol and drugs and I might not be able to control myself. I'm hoping Blake will keep me away from it. It's been really hard, giving up. Those few years one tour were mad, realising two albums was mad, my grandmother dying was mad, but I'm growing thanks to it. Just as Blake has due to this accident. Every day I see her become less bitter. When she first was paralyzed she would just cry hopelessly, but now she's got that spark back about her. The way she has a clever remark for any situation. The way she laughs, the way she smiles. That's what I really love about her and that's what's she's getting back. I smooth down my jumper and push my hat a bit further back. All these layers are good, because it's -8 outside and I can't afford heating. I hear Blake shout for me. I know this means I need to help her out of the bath. We need to go a show with a seat or something because it's getting a bit awkward me picking her up even thought she bathes in a vest and knickers now. I walk in and see her, her head leaned against the back of the bath.

"Any real man would have taken liberties with this situation by now." She laughs. I get a towel and scoop her up in it before sitting her on her seat.

"I'm not going to lie the day you can walk will be the best."

"Yeah I know, not long now. I'm getting better every day. I'm almost of competent on my feet as Michael Jackson."

"Oh and with your hands." I laugh. She brings the towel to her hair and starts drying off.

"Okay, you can go now perv." She says pointedly. I just laugh and walk away.

**BLAKE**

After a ridiculously long amount of time I decided to wear a pair of high wasted, skinny vintage blue jeans, a tucked in mint silk shirt and brown loafers. I did my makeup minimalist with natural pink lips and mascara. I let my hair hand loose in ringlets. I was excited about the party tonight, but even more excited about giving Bob his present from Gerard and me. I loved giving people presents! I wheeled myself out of my room and waited b the stairs. I swear, I'm lucky I wasn't any heavier because just imagine Gerard trying to carry me up and down stairs then.

"Gerard! I need to be carried away into the sunset!" I called; he appeared out of his bedroom.

"Okay, I'm not going to lie. That is the best sweater I have ever seen."

"Really?" He asked, taken back.

"Yeah, I love it." I smiled enthusiastically.

"Well I like your outfit too, you look hot." He chuckled. I giggled, it was nice to get those feelings again. The ones I had when we just met before we knew all of each other's problems. The feeling I got when he entered the room and my mouth would go dry and I'd think 'Jesus, he's cute as fuck." Because he was, wasn't he? He scooped me up and walked me down the stairs, I kind of felt like a child in his arms and in the nature of a child I randomly decided to poke him on the cheek.

"What was that for?" He asked as he put me down on the sofa and went back for my wheelchair.

"Because you're very poke-able." I shouted to him. I heard him laugh from up the stairs, along with some clunks as my wheelchair came down the stairs.

"Do you know how wrong that sounds?" He chuckled as he appeared with my wheel chair. He bent down and put me on t and with a deep breath in he looked back to admire his work.

"I think you can walk and you and the doctors are in cahoots to get my fit again."

"Yes, that's exactly what the last 5 months have been about." I giggled.

"Now let's be off, we need to go see Bob."

By the time we got the Mikey's ever one was there waiting for us.

"About time you showed up." Frank mumbled as he opened the door.

"Hey Bob!" I rushed over and gave him a kiss "Happy Birthday." Gee followed me through and noddd along.

"Okay, now we're all here- can we give out the presents?" Frankie asked.

"Yes, of course you may." Bob said in a theatrically posh voice before greedily grabbing presents of us. It was nice being with my friends, I sat next to Alicia and watched as the guys all joked around. Alicia turned to me half way through, when no one was listening and said:

"So how are you?"

"I'm fine. Looking forward to having my operation."

"Oh god yeah, Mikey told me. And you'll be able to walk after it?"

"Not immediately, but yes." I smiled.

"And how are you and Gerard?" She asked. I eyes flitted over to Gerard, he was sat on his knees doing an Oprah impression.

"We're getting along fine."

"Still just friends?" I turned to her quickly, afraid that someone might have heard.

"Alicia!" I whisper shouted.

"So that's a no then. Look, you need to get in their fast."

"What like you did with Mikey?" I asked sarcastically. She didn't respond, she just held up her hand. I looked at it in confusion before realising she had an engagement ring on.

"Yes just like I did with Mikey." She smiled. My jaw dropped.

"Hey what are you girls talking about?" Mikey asked.

"Nothing." Alicia answered before I could. I gave her a confused look.

"Blake why don't you come with me to go get a soda."

"Umm alright?" I said unsurely. She got up and walked out and I followed her into the kitchen and closed the door.

"OH MY GOD! WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?" I screamed.

"Last night! It's was magical, he got down on one knee and everything." She smiled.

"It's beautiful." I said casting an eye over her giant diamond ring.

"Don't the others know" I asked.

"No, I felt like I should tell you first, but Mikey and I will be telling everyone tonight."

"I'm so happy for you."

**GERARD **

I watched as Alicia and Blake came back through and sat with the group again. From the look of Blake's face I figured Alicia told her about being engaged to Mikey. Obviously I already knew, he had told me his plan about three weeks ago and called me up last night when he had proposed. I was so happy for my little brother, but the idea of him getting married messed with my head. I could still see him wearing diapers. The convocation had died down and we were all in a hum of excitement for tonight, except for Bob who didn't know that tonight was happening. I saw Mikey see this as his chance for his announcement .

"Guys, Alicia and I have something to tell you." He nervously smiled, pointing his gaze to Alicia.

"We're engaged. I popped the question last night." Every one held their breath for a second before all hell broke loose.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Jamia laughed.

"I'm so happy for you." Ray said hugging Alicia. Suddenly the room was alive again with Alicia reciting how Mikey had asked and I couldn't help but smile.

"That's great news, guys." I nodded my head "But, we also have another surprise, don't we?" I looked around the room.

"Yeah, I think it's time to tell you honey." Kaitlin told Bob.

"What?"

"Well..." I got up and walked over to Bob.

"Follow me." I said calmly, he did as he was told and he followed me to Mikey's garage along with everyone else. We all looked inside to see stacks of beer and soda and shit.

"This is the supply for your party."

"My party?"

"Yes and the guests should be getting here in about an hour."

Bob looked to me.

"You're a sly dick, you know that Gee." He smiled before giving me a hug and running into the garage with glee.

At about nine that night the part was in full swing. Everybody and anybody were there. There were friends from tour, college students, the guys from the local comic book store and loads of random teenagers crashing. I could see Mikey running around, waving his arms about frantically trying to stop any breakages. I was sitting on a couch, my head leaned back trying to cool down. My cheeks were burning from the heat from the masses of surrounding people. I straightened my neck to see Bob leading a very small yet very loud conga line.

"Join us!" He screamed above the noise of the people. I shook my head with a grin before looking to my left and right, surveying the prey. Yeah, most girl don't know about that. When a guys out he can either be a hunter or a predator or well gay. Hunters are the average guy like me, looking for a girl to go home with, but well a predator is something else. He's obsessive, stalkerish and persistence. I only know one guy like that and he got kicked out of my school for being caught in the girl's locker, smelling some knickers. True story. Most of the girls here are too young though or well too annoying. I have standards, I don't go for any old tart. To be honest I haven't really been with a girl since the tour and even then my heart wasn't in it. It's confusing. I feel like I need to just pull myself together.

**BLAKE**

To be honest, being in a wheelchair and at a house party is no fun. I was sitting in the corner with Alicia and Christa, but both of them disappeared after a while. I sat tapping my fingers against my knees, blowing air out of my mouth in boredom. I could see Gerard across the room, he was sitting in a similar position to me on a couch. He looked bewildered by the groups of people, I caught his eyes- giving him a small smile. He returned one sympathetically. He looked around for a second before getting up and slowly making his way over to me. As he sits down on the floor next to me, legs crossed, he sighs.

"Not much fun being at a party when you can't drink." He stated simply without looking at me, his head leant against the wall.

"Not much fun when you can't dance." I say too. There's a silence for a second before I turn to face him. A smile shone on my face and I could feel it growing.

"It's sucks to be you." I tell him. He looks at me questionably.

"How come?"

"You can do neither." I smiled laughing.

"Oh really? From I remember you never complained about my skills before."

"It's called manners." I explain.

"Ah, I see." He chuckles before biting down on one of his nails, his eyes looking towards the crowds. Mine linger on his face, contemplating what to do.

"Do you still have Devlin the devil?" He asks without looking at me. I don't get what he's talking about for a second, but then it clicks.

"Yeah." His eyes find mine.

"I still have the wrapper from the muffin you gave me, from Starbucks, on our first day living together." I'm shocked, a drawing is one thing, but a cooperate wrapper is another thing.

"Why?" Gerard's face leans closer in to mine, he looks almost confused at my question. Seconds tick by before he says anything.

"You want to know the truth?" He asks solemnly. I nod as a response.

"I felt like I'd need it someday. As if the fact you gave me it, gave it importance." I stared blankly into his eyes. I could feel them trying to figure out my emotions. I just smile.

_**I fell in love next to you  
Burning fires in this room  
It just fits  
Light and smooth  
Like my feet in my shoes  
Little one, lie with me  
Sew you heart to my sleeve  
We'll stay quiet  
Underneath shooting stars  
If it helps you sleep  
And hold me tight  
Don't let me breathe  
Feeling like  
You won't believe**_

_**There's a firefly**_  
_**Loose tonight**_  
_**Better catch it**_  
_**Before it burns this place down**_  
_**And I lie**_  
_**If I don't feel so right**_  
_**But the world looks better**_  
_**Through your eyes**_

_**Teach my skin**_  
_**Those new tricks**_  
_**Warm me up**_  
_**With your lips**_  
_**Heart to heart**_  
_**Melt me down**_  
_**It's too cold**_  
_**In this town**_  
_**Close your eyes**_  
_**Lean on me**_  
_**Face to mouth**_  
_**Lips to cheek**_  
_**Feeling numb**_  
_**In my feet**_  
_**You're the one**_  
_**To help me**_  
_**Get to sleep**_

_**And hold me tight**_  
_**Don't let me breathe**_  
_**Feeling like**_  
_**You won't believe**_

_**There's a firefly**_  
_**Loose tonight**_  
_**Better catch it**_  
_**Before it burns this place down**_  
_**And I lie**_  
_**If I don't feel so right**_  
_**But the world looks better**_  
_**Through your eyes**_

_**It's only been**_  
_**One night of love**_  
_**And maybe**_  
_**That is not enough**_

_**Hold me tight**_  
_**Don't let me breathe**_  
_**Feeling like**_  
_**You won't believe**_

_**It's only been**_  
_**One night of love**_  
_**And maybe**_  
_**That's not enough**_

_**Hold me tight**_  
_**Don't let me breathe**_  
_**Feeling like**_  
_**You won't believe**_

_**There's a firefly loose tonight**_  
_**Better catch it**_  
_**Before it burns this place down**_  
_**And I lie**_  
_**If I don't feel so right**_  
_**But the world looks better**_  
_**Through your eyes**_

His lips are soft against mine, his large hands cup around my face. As I pull back I feel his fingers stroke my skin, sending tingles throughout my body.

"You never knew." He whispered against my cheek. "Did you?" I shake my head.

"I love you."

**-A/N-**

_**Are you proud of me? Please say yes! I have uploaded three freaking chapter since Saturday! It's MONDAY! One a DAY! A DAY! I'm like some sort of Fanfiction robot writer! **_

_**I'M NOT GOING TO LIE, I'M LOVING THE AMOUNT OF REVIEWS I'M GETTING!**_

_**NOW MORE, MORE! I WANT MORE! *GREEDILY RUBS HANDS TOGETHER* **_

_**Thank you so much for reading! I love the fact I left you on this god awful cliffhanger.**_

"_**CAN YOU DO THAT?" I hear you say.**_

_**Well the simple answerer is... YEP.**_


	27. I Love You

_**Here's another song request: My Chemical Romance- We Don't need another song about California. It doesn't go with the chapter, but it's really good. **_

_**Ed Sheeran- Little Bird goes well with chappie. :D **_

_**OMG OMG OMG THANKIE THANKIE THANKIE FOR AMAZING AMAZING AMAZING REVIEWS!**_

I love you.

The words that replay over and over in my head. I can still hear his firm voice telling me it. We leave the party in the early hours of the morning. The roads are empty and the sapphire skies are painted with brilliant gleams of orange and pink. The night is cool and still, the trees stand tall and the blades of grass are undisturbed by wind. I sit, utterly silent, in the car. So still is the air, so uninterrupted that it seems to have become thick between us. Our bodies separated by this, thick lethargic barrier of air. We need to speak, we know it, but there's this unspoken rule that we're waiting. Waiting until we're home.

So I watch the empty pavement run and run away behind me and the December trees reach towards me and all the little houses and all the little post boxes blur into one mess of euphoric colour. It looks so perfect, this empty home for thousands. My eyes, switch over to Gerard. He's fascinated by the escaping chalked lines of the road beneath us. He sucks on his gum, hollowing his cheeks as he concentrates.

"I feel sorry for Mikey and Lic, their house is going to be trashed by tomorrow."

"Irreconcilably so." Gerard said with a smirk. I'm struggling to think of something to say, anything appropriate to this situation, but fail to do so.

As we pull into the street, I breathe out heavily. I'm going to need it. The car stops and Gee jumps out and walks over to my side and opens the door. He leans against the open door, looking to the floor for a second before raising his gaze to me.

"Why don't we leave the wheelchair in the car for tonight? I'll get it in the morning." He says. I nod; I don't care in all honestly. He puts the key in his mouth, biting down on the key ring. He leans forward and gently slides one arm under my knees and allows my back to lean against the other. He kicks the door closed. I pull the keys from his bite, smirking, and press the button to lock the car. I open the door using them too and he carries me upstairs. He lays me down on my bed, brushing strands of hair from my face. His eyes are searching my face, following each line with deliberate precision. I lie tense under him as he leans over me, but he stands up straight after a second to leave.

"Don't." I whisper, he eyes catch mine.

"I want you here with me." He silently climbs into bed, under the blankets. He wraps an arm around my neck and I lie into his. I take in his warmth and smell as he does so. I feel so secure with his body around me.

"I want this to work between us. I want us." I murmur truthfully from the safe confines of his grasp.

"I want that too." He hushes, his hands moving up and down my arms in a comforting motion.

"Just go to sleep. We'll speak about it in the morning."

**GERARD**

I don't sleep that night. Blake drifts of in my arms, but I'm left awake. My fingers want to stroke her and touch her and hold her and I feel like I need to breach this wall around each of us. She knows how I feel, but there is so much unsaid. I watch as the sun rises and with it I gently get up myself. I'm careful not to disturb Blake as I do so; I give her one last glance before walking through the corridor to my room. I let out a sleepy yawn as I sit down on my bed. I lift up my pillow and take out from under it my black book of songs. I had been writing all through touring, ready for the next album. Just before I tried to kill myself, I wrote a song about Blake. It wasn't well thought out, the lyrics tumbled about messily and the rhythm was messy, but there was something. I scanned over the first few lines _'Well when you go, don't ever think I'll make you turn to stay. And maybe when you get back, I'll be off to find another way. And after all this time that you still owe, you're still the good-for-nothing I don't know. So take your gloves and get out. Better get out, while you can.'_

Looking back, it seems different, as if I was the one leaving her. I had been so angry about her moving on and dating Jason, when I had taken a trip across the country. I had left her by herself. I deep ball of self hatred formed in the pit of my stomach. That feeling you get when you're so utterly embarrassed by something you once did. I was so embarrassed I had blamed her and let everyone see. It was true though, neither of us loved each other like we had yesterday. This love had changed, it had grown and became a dependence. A vital drug in my blood stream, a life support machine. I flitted through the paper of my books, my eyes intensely focused on the lyrics I had once written in it. I had thought I was writing about the world, being different from any other band and not writing about love. I had been mistaken, I could find her in every page, every song, every line.

'_I will not kiss you because the hardest part of this is leaving you.'_

'_Now I know that I can't make you stay, but where's your heart? But where's your heart?'_

'_Well is it hard understanding, I'm incomplete. A life that's so demanding, I get so weak. A love that's so demanding, I can't speak.'_

'_If I'm so wrong how can you listen all night long?'_

It's so painfully obvious. It's always been her. I was just too stupid to realise. I've never stopped loving her since I saw her on that bench. With snow freckled all over her skin and her hair damp around her face. That scornfully look she gave me. How could I have not loved her?

I snap the book closed. My thumbs rub against its rough cover.

"Gerard?" I heard a soft voice dare to whisper aloud. My head rises, a smile comforting my face.

"I'm coming, honey." I say back. I get up and cast my black book of songs onto the bed before returning to Blake's room.

_**if we take this bird in, with its broken leg  
we could nurse it, she said  
come in side for a little lie down with me  
and if we fall asleep it would be the worst thing.  
but when i wake up, and your makeup is on my shoulder  
and tell me if i lie down, would you stay now?  
let me hold ya, ohh**_

But if i kiss you will your mouth read this truth  
darling how i miss you, strawberry's taste how lips do  
and its not complete yet, mustn't get our feet wet  
cause that leads to regret, diving into soon.  
and i'll owe it all to you, oh, my little bird

my little bird

if we take a walk out, in the morning dew  
we can lay down, so i'm next you  
come inside for a little home made tea  
and if you fall asleep, then at least your next to me  
and if i wake up, say its late love get back to sleep  
i'm covered by nature and i'm safe now  
underneath this oak tree, with you beside me

But if i kiss you will your mouth read this truth  
darling how i miss you, strawberry's taste how lips do  
and its not complete yet, mustn't get our feet wet  
cause that leads to regret, diving into soon.

and i'll owe it all to you, oh, my little bird

my little bird

my little bird

my little bird

and of all this thing i'm sure of, i'm not quite certain of your love  
you made scream but then i made you cry when i left that little bird with its broken leg to die

But if i kiss you will your mouth read this truth  
darling how i miss you, strawberry's taste how lips do  
and its not complete yet, mustn't get our feet wet  
cause that leads to regret, diving into soon.  
but i'll owe it all to you, oh, my little bird

my little bird, whoa oh oh oh whoaa

my little bird

my little bird

your my little bird...

**BLAKE**

We sit in the morning drinking coffee. I stir the tar like liquid around in its cup and blown in it.

"It won't make it any better." Gerard notes, I look up and smile awkwardly.

"Yeah, but it makes me feel a lot better." I laugh nervously.

"Blake..."

"Yes?" I say innocently.

"I think we should talk."

"Aren't we now?"

"Blake." He says seriously, I sigh and nod along.

"I told you last night I loved you and you said you loved me. What are we doing with this?"

"Well I was kind of hoping that the event to reoccur on a regular basis. You know, kissing, exchanging of flattery..." I am interrupted my Gerard 'serious' raised eyebrow.

"And is that your way of saying you want to go out with me?" He asks, a smile lighting up his face.

"Yes, it's my teenage girly, sweet way of saying I like you a lot." I say looking up timidly from his coffee. Gerard smirks, he positions himself so his shoulders are hunched up and his back in leaning closer forward to me. His neck croons out to me.

"I think we have established that I like you a lot, too." He chuckles as his lips graze mine.

"Kiss me." I say, casting aside any notions of caution. He leans back slightly, his mouth opening slightly. He brings his hands to my neck and eases me closer to him, our eyes never leaving each others gaze. Our noses touch and then our lips. It's timid and frightening at first, but as his grips tightens and our chests press together I let myself go. My lips suck along his, my hands exploring his hair. He lets out a slight moan, which almost makes me go insane. I retreat. I stare at him with shock.

"How did this happen?" I ask in confusion.

"God?" He questions.

"Luck?" I snort. He bites his lip, containing another smile.

"You don't believe in God, I don't believe in luck."

"What shall we do about that?" I ask, my voice teasing.

"Just let someone else figure it out, we have too much going on." He says honestly before he leans forward kissing me again. That was it. I had lost myself in this already.


	28. A Laugh is the shortest distance

**Mikey**

I imagined watching them kiss is what it must feel like to watch your brother and sister kiss. But worse. Much, much worse.

I feel my mouth open in disgust, my eyes blankly staring at them. Gerard wraps his arms around Blake's shoulder, twisting her body closer to his. Ewwwwwwww...

I feel an elbow nudge sharply into me. I turned quickly to see Alicia.

"Stop it." She hisses.

"I can't," I whisper back desperately. I hear her sigh and get up as I continue to watch Gerard practically maul Blake. I clap my hinds together before getting up.

"Just going to get more...chips." I say before running out of the room and into the kitchen. I don't really think they noticed. I lean against the kitchen top, letting out a long breath. Alicia turns to me.

"What do you think you're doing?"

"...breathing?" I ask, utterly lost with her.

"No, no, no... You can't leave them alone! They're our guests!"

"Lic, they're my brother and your best friend. They invited themselves over and have since ignored us and enjoyed certain gross activities which a younger brother should never have to see his elder brother engaging in." I laugh heartily. She folds her arms sorely.

"Well if you think that's gross, how will you feel when their children are conceived on that couch because you left them alone too long." She asked, her eyebrow rose in victory. I raise a finger as if I am going to oppose but halt.

"Good point." I turn to walk out of the door, but am caught by a thought. I turn my head to Alicia.

"Do you think, y'know... coitus, would be something they could do... you know with Blake and" I don't finish. Alicia stared at me appalled.

"Good point, again. Better not dwell on that." I twitch nervously before walking into the room. I was decided. They were NOT going to have my nieces and nephews on that couch and no matter of awkward convocation would get in my way.

"So who's up for a game of scrabble?"

**GERARD**

"Q-I-N-T-A-R!" Blake shouts as we stare at our letters. I'm not about to ask what the hell it means so I just spell it on the board. Mikey and Alicia look at it carefully.

"That's not a word." Mikey states.

"Yes it is." Blake smiles.

"There's no U." Alicia said confused.

"Yes, but it's still a world. It's Albanian currency." Blake says proudly. My mouth drops.

"You little nerd." I laugh, poking her arm. She slaps it away, but her eyes smile at me. As Alicia starts playing around with some letters positioning them on the board, she opens her mouth to speak.

"Are you nervous for your operation on Thursday?" I looked to Blake, her eyes stay firmly on the board. She watched Alicia fingers pushing into place each letter.

"No. I'm rather excited." She nods, looking up to me.

_**Well now this could be the last of all the rides we take  
So hold on tight and don't look back  
We don't care about the message or the rules they make  
I'll find you when the sun goes black**_

And you only live forever in the lights you make  
When we were young we used to say  
That you only hear the music when your heart begins to break  
Now we are the kids from yesterday

All the cameras watch the accidents and stars you hate  
They only care if you can bleed  
Does the television make you feel the pills you ate?  
Or every person that you need to be  
_**[ Lyrics from: .com/lyrics/m/my_chemical_romance/the_kids_from_ ]**__**  
Cause you only live forever in the lights you make  
When we were young we used to say  
That you only hear the music when your heart begins to break  
Now we are the kids from yesterday**_

Today, today  
We are the kids from yesterday  
Today, today

Here we are and we won't stop breathing  
Yell it out 'til your heart stops beating

We are the kids from yesterday  
Today

Cause you only live forever in the lights you make  
When we were young we used to say  
That you only hear the music when your heart begins to break  
Now we are the kids from yesterday  
We are the kids from yesterday  
We are the kids from yesterday  
We are the kids from yesterday  
Today, today

"You're ward." A nurse smiled to me as she opened the door with one hand. I smile and _roll in_, Gerard is behind me with my overnight bag. She leads me to an empty bed and signals to it.

"Can I leave you to get comfortable? I have some matters to deal with. The doctors will be down soon though to put a numbing patch on to prepare for the anesthetic." I nod and watch her leave before sitting onto my bed. Gerard pulls the curtain around us, shielding us from the eyes of others. He finally sits next to me and takes my hand. His thumb rubs against my tender flesh automatically.

"Don't worry, it'll be fine." He tells me. I smile, but I'm not very sure.

"Trust me. You're going to come out of this so much better." He moved his hands to my neck, focusing his eyes into mine.

"I trust you." I leaned my nose and cheek into the crook of his neck, breathing out sharply.

"Hello, I'm your surgeon for today's operation."

**GERARD**

I tapped my fingers against my knees, popping air out of my mouth as I waited in the hospital. Bpb sat next to me, lazily flicking through a lifestyle magazine.

"Did you know that there is a diet where you only cheq tobacco leaves? They saw it represses your hunger..."

"No I didn't Bob." I said tensely. There's an awkward silence between us. I heard Bob flick his magazine to the next page.

"Woah, doesn't she have a good pair of legs?" Bob said holding the magazine up to my nose. I pushed it away.

"Boobbb." I moaned.

"What? I'm just trying to lighten the mood. Gerard they're not going to be done for ages and when I agreed to wait with you I didn't think it would be this boring."

"Well that's the only way I could get you to agree to wait with me."

"By lying?" He questioned.

"I prefer the term misrepresentation." I smile. I pop my mouth once more before getting up.

"It's a miracle!" Bob exclaimed. Some patients and doctors looked at him briefly as he did this. Bob glowed red and lowered his head.

"Yep, we're getting something to eat. Worrying like this on an empty stomach will gimme a stomach ulcer."

"Exactly. Then both you and Blake would be ill and I'd have to look after both of you like some su[per talented, blonde, booby, ho nurse." Bob sighs as he says that, his eyes drifting of into some dream world. Seconds go by before I think he's had enough Naughty Nurse dreaming and I click my fingers in front of his face.

"Bob, earth to Bob." He blinks rapidly before waking up.

"Sorry I don't know what came over me." He wipes the drool away from his mouth. We walk down the endless halls until we meet the cafeteria. I buy a pepsi max and tomato and cheese sarny. Bob on the other hand buys a slice of chocolate fudge cake and a double shot mocolatte.

"I pop open my pepsi and take a sip."

"Soo..." Bob smiles with a large piece of unchewed chocolate cake in his mouth.

"Would lead to..." I smile looking up to him.

"You and Blake."

"We're humans."

"Yes, I know that. How's it going? I mean we all knew you two would get it together eventually, but how is the getting together?" He says emphasizing every over world with an incredibly perverted smile.

"It depends what you mean by getting together..."

"Intimacy..."

"As in?" I question again. I can tell Bob's getting vexed with my riddles.

"The SEX!" He practically shouts out. I jump as he does so, dropping my Fork. I blush as I bend down and retrieve it, before waving a few apologetic glances at those who sat next to us.

"Well..." I mutter.

"Well, what? Is she dirty? God I knew she was dirty." Bob roared with laughter, his head tilting back. I roll my eyes. This was all guy talk, but it was uncovering some rather raw nerves.

"Quite the opposite infact."

"Military?" Bob gasps.

"Not even that." I say mysteriously.

"What, what's more bog standard than that?"

"Not having sex."

Silence.

"Oooooohh."

"Yes. Can you comprehend that?" I ask, my face burning bright red.

"Wait is she getting you to take it slowly or something?"

"No, not her. Me. I just don't feel comfortable going to that stage in her condition."

"But you could if you wanted to."

"Well yes, but that isn't the point. It feels wrong. I'm waiting until, she's better." Bob shrugs and take a bite of his cake before looking up at me curiously.

"What?" I ask exasperated.

"Nothing. I was just wondering when you grew that mangina of yours."

"Oh fuck off." I tried to say seriously, but giggles came out all too quickly.


	29. One Night Of A Life

**A/N- Hey, sorry this is a little late. I just did my a-levels and it was fucking crazy :D BUT GOOD. I just thought I'd tell you a little about my life is going:**

**I got accepted into loads of uni's which I'm happy about. **

**I'm almost 18! :0 **

**I am currently sort of seeing someone which is really great.**

**AND**

**I'm writing a new story...**

**And it's NON MCR.**

***GASP***

**I know...**

**It's a bit of a change, but I like it :D and I hope you will too... O.o**

**LOVE YOU GUYS! XXXXXX**

**BLAKE**

I never react that well to anaesthetic. I tend to either punch the doctors or start crying.

I happened to do both in this incidence.

"Gerard!" I screamed, tears pouring down my face. I felt like I was floating, I couldn't feel the pressure of the bed on me or my clothes. All I could feel was the oxygen mask they kept trying to put on me. I slapped their hands away as the nurses tried to make me comfortable.

"GET GERARD!" I snapped at them.

"Visitors aren't allowed in the recovery room..." One of the nurses said timidly.

"May I remind you, that you are a nurse? There to make a patient comfortable. May I also remind you that I am not very comfortable at this point ergo you're failing at your job? SO AMEND THE SITUATION AND GET MY BOYFRIEND." I shouted before putting the oxygen mask back on and breathing raggedly. I closed my eyes. A sudden feeling of euphoria washing over me, my eyelids still heavy from the operation.

"Blake. Are you alright?" Gerard asked worriedly a matter of time later. I shook my head, sobbing.

"Why not?"

"I can't open my eyes..." I cried. I heard him chuckled, brushing his fingers against my skin.

"That's because you're tired. Look the nurses are going to wheel you back into your ward on the bed so you can get some sleep." I was silent for a few seconds...

"Did they fix me?"

Another silence fell, I sense Gee thinking over his words.

"I think so."

I opened my eyes then and nodded.

"They better have or they'll be receiving a strongly worded letter from me." I chuckled. He laughed too before gathering me up in his arms and holding me.

**GERARD **

They kept Blake in for a week after her operation, to make sure she was progressing healthily. I visited her every day and I was astonished by the difference. She sat on her bed, legs stretched out staring at her toes as they moved under her command. She'd then look up at me in amazement and smile before continuing her efforts.

They waited until about 3-4 days before they tried to get her to start walking with crotches around the hospital.

"So she can walk again?" I asked her doctor, as Blake slept.

"Yes. Well, what's happened is that we've fixed the main problem that stopped her from walking. So technically yes, she should be able to walk again. Unfortunately like most other patients of similar defect, she's sort of forgot how to walk. She's lost the keen sense of balance that we exploit through walking every day, so she's learning to walk again like a child."

"But it won't take her long?"

"No, it shouldn't. If she continues with her programmes she could be off her crutches in a matter of months. Maybe as few as 2 or 3." The doctor smiled. I nodded looking down to the ground; my whole body alight with excitement. I looked up again, a smile covering the whole of my face.

"Thank you doctor, you have no idea what you've done for her."

"Well the best way she can repay me is by working hard and getting better quickly." He smiled before walking to another patient's side. I looked down to Blake, her pale skin tight against her features, but still soft under the hospital lights. I sat next to her.

"I want to make you proud, like you're making me." I whispered as I stroked her cheek. She moaned softly in her sleep. A small smile rose on my face. I leaned over and wrote a small note for her and left it on her side table.

I was going to do something I never thought I'd be able to do again. I pulled out my phone and called Ray.

"Hello?" He asked in confusion.

"Get the guys together; we're having a band meeting."

"_**Now I know  
that I can't make you stay  
But where's your heart?  
But where's your heart?  
But where's your...**_

And I know  
There's nothing I can say  
To change that part  
To change that part  
To change...

So many  
Bright lights, they cast a shadow  
But can I speak?  
Well is it hard understanding  
I'm incomplete  
A life that's so demanding  
I get so weak  
A love that's so demanding  
I can't speak

I am not afraid to keep on living  
I am not afraid to walk this world alone  
Honey if you stay, I'll be forgiven  
Nothing you can say can stop me going home

Can you see  
My eyes are shining bright  
'Cause I'm out here  
On the other side  
Of a jet black hotel mirror  
And I'm so weak  
Is it hard understanding  
I'm incomplete  
A love that's so demanding  
I get weak

I am not afraid to keep on living  
I am not afraid to walk this world alone  
Honey if you stay, I'll be forgiven  
Nothing you can say can stop me going home

I am not afraid to keep on living  
I am not afraid to walk this world alone  
Honey if you stay, I'll be forgiven  
Nothing you can say can stop me going home

These bright lights have always blinded me  
These bright lights have always blinded me  
I say

I see you lying next to me  
With words I thought I'd never speak  
Awake and unafraid  
Asleep or dead

'Cause I see you lying next to me  
With words I thought I'd never speak

_**Awake and unafraid  
Asleep or dead**_

'Cause I see you lying next to me  
With words I thought I'd never speak  
Awake and unafraid  
Asleep or dead

'Cause I see you lying next to me  
With words I thought I'd never speak  
Awake and unafraid  
Asleep or dead

I am not afraid to keep on living  
I am not afraid to walk this world alone

Honey if you stay, I'll be forgiven  
Nothing you can say can stop me going home

I am not afraid to keep on living  
I am not afraid to walk this world alone

Honey if you stay, I'll be forgiven  
Nothing you can say can stop me going home  


_**I am not afraid to keep on living  
I am not afraid to walk this world alone**_

Honey if you stay, I'll be forgiven  
Nothing you can say can stop me going home"

As the band finished, I could feel it. This strange sense that we all knew that we has just created something good.

Oh my god, that was fantastic." Frank gushed.

"I know, that was. Wow. This album is going to be something special, even if I have to say so myself." Bob laughed.

"I wouldn't get to excited yet, the material is still all raw, we have a lot to do." I told them sternly.

"You've been saying that for the last 3 months Gerard, but I think this just proved that it's alright to get a little excited." Mikey laughed. I looked at him as if I was going to shout, but I couldn't. I long breath came out of me...

"Yeah, you're right. That was fucking good." I smiled immodestly. All of the guys suddenly erupted in laughter and excited shouts of the future.

"So, one more time through?" Frank asked me. I shook my head and put my microphone down.

"Sorry, I need to get home to Blake, she's _cooking_... cooking not being used in the strictest sense." I chuckled.

"Well don't have too much fun." Mikey rolled his eyes. I just ignored him and waved to them quickly before running out. Every day Blake had became more and more like she once was. He eyes brighter, her temperament wilder. I loved it.

I was seeing the girl I had fallen for and I was so happy. As I walked through cold air of my street, I pulled my coat tighter around me. I put my door in the door and pushed it open.

The first thing I could hear was the unmistakable chords of the Beatles floating through the air. I closed the door behind me with a thud.

"_**Where rocking horse people eat marshmallow pies. Everyone smiles as you drift past the flowers, that grow so incredibly high."**_

"Blake?" I called out. There was no response. The music kept playing, eerily washing past me, bouncing from all the walls.

"_**Newspaper taxis appear on the shore, Waiting to take you away." **_I followed the music through to the living room.

"Hey." Blake smiled. I looked at her in shock. She lay on the sofa fiddling with the ends of her hair and all she wore were a pair of dark red silk panties and a matching bra. Her hair fell past her collarbone in ringlets. She stood up, her lips pouted in a triumphant manor.

I looked her up and down.

"Woah..."

She walked slowly toward me, her creamy skin soft as her hands cupped around my neck.

"Lucy in the sky with diamonds." She sang along softly. My hands fell to her hips, I pressed her body tight against my. Our lips pressed together, I could hear her moaned through our touches. She parted from me.

"It seems awfully unfair that you get to remain all couth and modest, when I am in such a state." She smiled down to her body.

"We'll have to fix that then." I hushed as I felt her start to unbutton my top. She lowered her head to kiss the newly unveiled naked flesh.

"Blake." I murmured before I could say anything else she silenced me with her soft lips and tongue. I started to clumsily walk her back to the couch as I pulled down my trousers. We both tumbled on together, I lay on top of her. I let my fingers trace the smooth of her cleavage as I stared down longingly at her.

"I want you Gerard. I've always wanted you." She told me, her eyes following mine with concern.

"Well this is a lovely way to show it." I chucked as I undo her bra and start kissing down to her bare chest. I gently suck on her flesh, my excitement growing for the rest of the night.


	30. A Phone Call

_Hey, it's been a while! Sorry about that, any way. I read your comments and there was the consensus you wanted more, so here you go. MORE. It's like I'm you're little bitch; always doing as you ask. BUT tbh I'd fire me as it has taken me a good half a year ... forgive me? Xx_

**This is dedicated to any one who bothers to read this, yes YOU! You are the lucky winner of this fantastical award- treasure this moment as if it was your last. **

**Some months later**

**BLAKE**

I woke up the way you always do during summer in New York. Sweating and panting. No not in that way; I mean it was hot outside, like 37 degree hot outside. My eyes flicked to the bedside clock. 09:14. A solid 8 hours of sleep. I let my head fall into my pillow with a definite thump. I felt an uncomfortable heat about my body. I waited a few moments trying to contain my annoyance under the swelling, snoring air. Legs thrashing I pushed the blankets of me, revealing my skin. Letting out a sigh I turned my head to Gerard to see if my fit had woken him.

Snore.

No, still dead as a door mouse. A few more moments I lay looking at the cream ceiling; waiting for an excuse to get up.

*Brrriinngg*

The phone's chirp stirred through the melismatic melody of summer and sweat.

"Urhhhh, get the- Bllaakkke- urrrhh." Gerard murmured.

"Awake enough to hear the bloody phone." I muttered through the teeth. Swinging my legs from the bed I found the floor. My bones groaned and grinded like the tinman as I stretched and strolled to the phone.

*Brrriinngg*

"Alright, Alright- I'm coming." I snapped at the plastic intruder. I grabbed it, curling my fingers around the flex and interrogated:

"Hello?"

There was no answer, just a deep breath in.

"Hello?" I repeat, place my hand on my hip in subconscious exasperation with the mystery caller.

No answer.

"Helloooo?" I pronounce very carefully down the phone.

"It's you; it really is." A male voice stutters

"What?"

"I've been searching. I saw your picture in a magazine, something to do with you being engaged to some musician. They said you lived in New York so I checked the yellow pages and..."

"Who is this?" I gasp down the phone. My eyes scrutinising the little holes as if I'd see his face looming in them.

"It must be you, it sounds like you darling. Oh I'm so sorry; I need to apologise. I've wanted to since I left."

It clicks through my head, cogs turn as I replay the voice. Over and over and over until...

"...Dad?"

"Yes?"

"Dad. Is this you?"

"Yes." I put a hand over my mouth, my eyes building. I pick up the phone and move to seat. My eyes check the doorway to ensure privacy.

"Why are you calling me?"

"I needed to apologise." His voice is honest and solemn.

"No you didn't..." I started

"I did."

"No, it was mams fault, not yours."

A silence follows.

"I should have been in contact sooner"

"Yeah, I would have loved a birthday card. But I'm a nomad- It makes it hard."

"I shouldn't have left."

"You shouldn't have, it really hurt me. But I understand why you did."

Another silence, but I'm determined not to let it last. There have been so many questions- so many that I didn't think would ever be answered.

"Where are you? What have you been doing?"

"I'm in London. I have a job and a house and things are good."

"Good...I really missed you dad. " I suddenly felt tears pouring down my face, my voice quaking`. I wiped them away shakily.

"I missed you too, that's why I have been looking for you. I tried calling but the house phone was disconnected and you moms mobile was too. I has no idea where you were." His voice swelled into a passionate mass.

"She sold the house you see." I attempt to say.

"I figured. The thieving bitch, I should have signed some blumming pre-nuptials." We both laugh uncomfortably through our tears. As the laughs die out we both breath in.

"I want to come back to America and see you. I want to see my daughter again."

"I want to see me dad."

_**I am my mother's only one**_

_**It's enough**_

_**I wear my garment so it shows**_

_**Now you know**_

_**Only love is all maroon**_

_**Gluey feathers on a flume**_

_**Sky is womb and she's the moon**_

_**I am my mother on the wall**_

_**With us all**_

_**I move in water, shore to shore**_

_**Nothing's more**_

_**Only love is all maroon**_

_**Lapping lakes like leery loons**_

_**Leaving rope burns, reddish ruse**_

_**Only love is all maroon**_

_**Gluey feathers on a flume**_

_**Sky is womb and she's the moon**_

"I don't think you should see him." Gerard said, his hands on his hips- back arched.

"Oh don't do that." I mutter as I pick up dirty underwear and dishes and walk into the kitchen. Gerard follows me.

"Do what, Blake?" I can tell you what he was doing, even though I wasn't even facing him. He was throwing his arms around likes he always does, his cheeks red with frustration.

"The things you always do when I talk about my parents." I thrust the underwear into the washing machine, slamming the door closed. I turn to find Gerard directly behind me, I sigh and move out of his way.

"Would you care to clarify?"He snaps. I roll my eyes as I put the dishes in the sink.

"Oh you spout of these platitudes" Water rushes over the plates, I scrub at dried tomato sauce angrily. "You puff out your chest; like a monkey. You suddenly have to get hyper masculine about thi, why do you think you have to do that, huh?" I snarl as I turn quickly to him. His mouth opens slightly. He doesn't know what to say- lost for words he stares at me.

"I..I..."

"I..I... What Gerard? Why won't you tell me?" I continue to clean

"I just didn't want to see you get hurt, but fine just walk into this fucking mantrap. I'm going to practice any way." He turns and walks to the door.

"Yes, yes. Just fuck off whenever we have a problem." I yell, only my head leaves my chore as it turn to follow him. He whips around.

"No, I'm just leaving because you're impossible to talk to when it comes to your dad. You just want to believe that he's perfect and it wasn't his fault, but I have news for you Blake. HE LEFT YOU! You don't owe him anything."

"You don't understand!"

"Why not Blake what makes you so special? Hmm, what gives you the right to stand there and scream at me about how I just can't comprehend betrayal? Or dissa-fucking-pointment?"

"YOU HAVE YOUR PARENTS. YOU FUCKING CALL THEM DAILY AND YOU CAN VISIT THEM. SINCE THE AGE OF17 I HAVE HAD NOBODY. AND NOW I HAVE ONE CHANCE TO GET EVEN THE SMALLEST AMOUNT OF MY FAMILY BACK... and you say don't take it?" My voice softens, partly because I'm not angry anymore, but also because my throat is starting to hurt. I throw the dishcloth in the sink and dry my hands on a tea towel.

"No Blake, I just don't want you to be carried away with all of this; I couldn't bear to see you hurt." He says, his eyes widening as he leans against the wall. I put my hand on my brow, trying to breathe properly.

"I know... Just go to your band rehearsal thing. We'll talk about this later."

"So you'll consider not seeing him so soon?"

"No Gerard, my dad's coming to America in four days and I am going to see him. Whether you'll be there is another story."

"Fine."


End file.
